Corner of Bourbon & Division

I cannot promise that the whingeing about being tired will end anytime soon.

I am counting the days until my sleep study (three more sleeps!), but of course even then I won't get answers right away. I'm still happy it's happening, and I'm planning to ask how quickly they typically have the results of a sleep study in the hopes that it's a relatively quick process. I have been told that even if it turns out I do need a CPAP machine, I get a "loaner" machine for a month so they can figure out all the correct settings and whatnot (don't ask me for specifics, I don't fully understand it yet), and then the loaner machine gets taken away and I have to wait an unspecified number of months before I get a permanent machine of my very own, all of which sounds sucky. I would just like to get a machine and be on my way, thank you, but alas, that's not the world we live in. On the other hand, I am really hopeful that this will be the determining factor in why I'm so goddamned tired all the time. It would be ideal if I could get the Mystery Tired sorted out before the summer so that I can really take advantage of the nice weather and not drag my sorry ass around like a partially deflated balloon.

In the interim, my brain keeps writing cheques that my body can't cash. There are so many things I want to do, but have no energy to even get started on, not to mention no brainpower or willpower either. If I were to write a list of all the things I want to do and learn, people would probably laugh at me, but I do honestly kind of want to be a Jack of All Trades with a lot of practical skills, like sewing and crocheting and making soap and woodworking and stuff. I should probably make a complete list of all those things and maybe break them down into categories by how feasible they are from a realistic standpoint. It would be an interesting exercise, for sure.

I got in touch with the person I've been jokingly referring to as my worm dealer. The red wrigglers I got from her a few weeks ago are doing well, so I decided to get them some friends in the hopes that they will all reproduce a little faster and produce more castings. I was a little worried at first because I kept finding worms climbing the sides of my bin, but a bit of research revealed that it's normal for just a couple of worms to do that in search of condensation. There was quite a lot of condensation in the bin at the time, and when I got the humidity a bit more balanced they stopped doing it. Apparently you only need to worry if either all of your worms are trying to escape, or if they're all huddled together in one spot, since that means the conditions are poor, but so far that doesn't appear to be the case. The worms have been happily worming, and I've given them more than enough food to keep them happy for now. That being said, I am still happy with my decision to get them some worm friends to speed things up a bit.

I'm meant to go pick up my new worm friends on Friday, and since I also have doctor's appointment that day, that will significantly cut into my time. My original plan was to get my seeds started, and I am still going to give it the old college try, with some spillover into Saturday if needs be. I am a little annoyed about the doctor's visit, because it takes me nearly an hour to drive there and then an hour to drive back, and my appointment is for literally fifteen minutes, and I doubt I will spend more than five minutes in there because I'm only going in order to request blood work for my A1C at the request of the bariatric clinic. This could easily be a phone call or an online appointment, but noooo, I have to waste nearly three hours of my time (travel time, wait time, appointment time, and the time it takes me to deal with all my winter gear) for it. Blargh.

However, if all goes well I should still have a fair bit of time in the afternoon. The plan is to pick up the worms on my way to the doctor's appointment, then head directly home after that, which will get me home by about 1pm. If I play my cards right and don't let inertia get the better of me (the trick is to not sit down, ever, because then I immediately realize how tired I am and don't want to get up again), then I can have a quick lunch and immediately head to the basement to get my seeds started. I do still have to set up all my grow lights, but I'm cautiously optimistic that that won't take more than an hour or so, which leaves me with several hours to plant some seeds before I have to start making dinner. 

I've kind of been slacking in the meal planning department, too. I had gotten into the habit of planning dinner the week before, and that really came in handy for cutting down on grocery spending and more importantly saving me time and stress about trying to figure out what the fuck's for dinner every single night. I've also been meaning to create a full inventory of what's in all the various freezers, too. I have a decent idea, but there are things that I keep forgetting about that I really need to get around to cooking, especially stuff that's in the largest chest freezer in the garage. I have to dig out the sheets with QR code stickers that I got a while back with a view to making an attempt at getting more organized. That never materialized mostly because I keep running out of energy to do anything besides barely exist. 

Okay. I have one hour left before my workday is over and things are picking up. See you on the flip side, friends!

I've been at work for an hour but today has lasted eighteen million years or so.

I got to bed shortly before 2:00, but since I had a 9:00 appointment at the bariatric clinic and I knew that sometimes traffic and parking can be dicey, I got up at 7:00 in order to leave at 7:45, with a view to arriving around 8:30. Oh boy, did THAT not turn out the way I planned. It was snowing, you see. "Snow, Phnee?" you may ask. "Surely in Canada you are all accustomed to snowfall and can adjust accordingly?" To which I'd answer: "You'd be surprised, and don't call me Shirley!"

For some reason, there were no snow ploughs to be seen anywhere, including the highways. I counted no fewer than five vehicular collisions on my way to my appointment, and traffic had slowed to a crawl even on the side streets near my house. The trip that usually takes me 30 minutes when traffic is clear took an hour and a half, and therefore I arrived in the parking lot already 10 minutes late for my appointment. Then the parking machine stubbornly refused any form of payment card that I offered, and since it also didn't accept cash, I gave it up as a bad job and went in hoping that I wouldn't get towed or ticketed (which, luckily, I didn't). Then the receptionist ignored me in favour of finishing up the world's longest phone call, in which the patient on the other end was asking questions that were very obviously not urgent, and since by then I was 20 minutes late (I had called ahead twice to advise them of the situation) I was pretty stressed out, and it took all my self-control to remain polite and not come off as aggressive/impolite/entitled/whatever in any way, because that's a good way to get yourself thrown out of a medical practice these days. But I knew the nurse practitioner was waiting, and she couldn't know that the reason I was extra late was just because the receptionist wouldn't put a phone call on hold for one minute.

The appointment itself went well. I will put a few more details behind a cut, so that anyone who doesn't want to read about weight, deliberate weight loss and medical interventions for said weight loss can skip that part. I will not be discussing specific numbers.

( Discussion of weight, weight-loss, and medical weight-loss procedures behind the cut! )

Okay, onto other stuff that happened with my day that's not weight-related!

First off, I finally got my compost worms! I sent a follow-up email yesterday, got a reply from the owner of the operation referring me to an employee, and the employee answered my email at, like midnight, which is wild to me. Go to bed, people, I don't expect service 24/7 for worms, IT'S FINE. Anyway, I called her after my appointment and arranged to drive out to what kind of felt like the middle of nowhere to pick up said worms. I took them home tucked inside my coat, because she said they'd gotten cold and it would be best to get them settled quickly. Since I had a 40 minute drive in bad weather ahead, I figured human body heat would be just the ticket, and I wasn't wrong. They were in a glass jar, in case you somehow imagined that I just had pocketfuls of worms or something. :P 

I got home without incident, caught KK up on all the happenings, got the worms situated in their new home, and promptly crashed out for a one-hour cat nap that was interrupted on multiple occasions by my beloved hounds baying loudly at the neighbours, the squirrels, the Amazon delivery person, and the lovely people who came to shovel our walkway. The dogs have Strict Opinions about anyone or anything coming too close to their house, you see, and those opinions are invariably loud and shrill. I love my dogs, they are a delight.

After that I had just enough time to shove my lunch into my bag and head to work. I left early just in case the road conditions were still terrible, but I was pleasantly surprised and arrived early. My coworker took advantage of my arrival to also leave early, meaning I'm working voluntary OT today for about 20 minutes, but whatever. What was more annoying was that he somehow managed to unplug the headset adapter while he was working. I'm one of the few people here who uses a headset, because between the back injury and the hearing loss, I find I can work much better with it. However, people keep accidentally or deliberately unplugging the adapters in new and creative ways, and, like today, I don't always notice right away. So of course my first call was for a possible IED (they're always false alarms but I have to treat each one as if it was real), and the headset wasn't working and my coworker had shut down the computer instead of restarting it, so I was on the back foot for at least 10 minutes until I got all the technical issues sorted out, which made me very grumpy indeed.

Since then things have calmed down, enough for me to type out this post, so I can't complain too hard. I remembered to bring my knitting tonight, and I'm hoping that I might actually be able to finish the Hubris Shawl, if not tonight then maybe tomorrow. Maybe. We shall see.

I think that's enough for now. See you on the flip side!

I completely forgot that I wanted to set up the vermicomposting bins today, even though the worms themselves haven't arrived. They were supposed to be ready between Wednesday and Friday of last week, but I haven't heard anything from the company I ordered them from. If I don't hear from them by tomorrow, I will reach out and see what's happening there. Luckily for me, KK remembered about the bins and reminded me of my intention. She actually did the bulk of the work, which was drilling holes in the Rubbermaid bins I bought (for air and drainage). She really enjoys putting things together and using power tools,  so I offered to have her do it, which she did with great glee. I then spent about ten minutes cutting up strips of newsprint paper to serve as bedding, and now the system is ready to go as soon as we get the worms. I'm very excited to get started on the vermicomposting, and I really hope the worms are available soon.

I'm not sure how I forgot about a project that I was so excited about. I am pretty sure I don't have a brain worm, but it's been getting so much harder to deal with all this stupid brain fog. I feel like I've been chasing the dragon of clear thinking and energy to do things for years now. I think I may have actually overdone it on that front, so I've decided to stop taking all the supplements I've been trying out and reintroducing them one by one after a week or so, to see if they're actually making a difference or not. I'm trying to be more scientific about things, in a weird way, because I'm not a scientist, obviously. I just want to see if I feel more tired or lethargic if I don't take them, or if after a week or two I start taking them again and notice an improvement.

In similar exciting news, I finally got myself organized enough to call the sleep clinic where my doctor referred me last July. I had been forgetting to contact my doctor's office to get their contact information for three weeks, and I finally remembered on Tuesday. They got back to me on Wednesday night, and I actually remembered to call during their opening hours on Thursday (I know!). I was initially told I should expect at least another six month wait, because the average wait time is about a year for new patients. I politely inquired if they had a cancellation list, and lo! the receptionist I was speaking to asked me if I was planning to go away over March break. When I replied that I was staying put, she offered me a spot on March 15th. That's still nearly two months away, but that's way better than the six-plus months I was initially told to expect. I know several people who've told me that getting a CPAP machine was a game changer for them, but I also know a couple of people for whom it made not a jot of difference, and I'm a little terrified of being in the latter category. I already seem to be in the 10-15% of people for whom ADHD stimulant medication doesn't work, and I am more than a little envious of all the people who said taking those meds was life-changing. I've tried four different medications since 2019, and I have yet to see any of the brain chemistry-altering effects I was promised. So, yeah. Part of me is hopeful that the sleep study will find something conclusive and that I'll finally get on top of all the crushing fatigue and brain fog, and another part of me is worried that either they won't find anything, or that they will find something but I'll be resistant to treatment.

Anyway, it's a ways off yet, so I'm going to try not to worry about it too hard until it's closer to the date. 

In the meantime, it's going to be a busy week. Tomorrow I'm finally getting the car rust-proofed (I tried making the appointment in the first weeks of December, and this is the earliest I could get in!), after which I have an appointment for Peggy at the vet to get her bum squished, as we euphemistically refer to an anal gland expression. On Tuesday I have a therapy appointment in the early afternoon, Wednesday I have an appointment at the bariatric clinic (I may get into that in a later post), on Thursday I have an appointment with a naturopath for the first time in my life (more on that later as well, I think), and Friday morning is the monthly meeting of Ministry & Counsel. I'm working the four to midnight shift all week, so I rather think that I'm going to be exhausted come the weekend. I plan to sleep in on Saturday morning and then I've planned a Zoom hangout with friends on Saturday afternoon, where we're going to shoot the shit and work on whatever projects we have going on that day. I don't remember the last time I had stuff on every single day of the week, and the very thought of it is tiring. Hopefully it won't be that bad.

Have a great week, everyone!

If you had told me ten years ago that I would live to see the day when a US government official would throw up not one, but two Sieg Heils in a row during an inauguration, I would not have believed you, but HERE WE ARE, apparently.

I simultaneously have no words and all the words. I feel as though, if I start talking about what I'm feeling, I will crack open and everything will come pouring out of me and just never stop, a flood of outrage and indignation and fear on behalf of all the people I know and love. Already there are reports coming in from the US about executive orders about taking away care for trans people, and deporting immigrants, and any number of other attacks on civil liberties. If it weren't so damned dangerous, it would be funny that the wording of one of the executive orders has inadvertently declared everyone in the USA a woman, because it specifies that it's the sex "at conception" that determines legal gender, and every single fertilized egg starts out as female. But it's not funny, because this is just going to be used to seriously harm one of the most vulnerable populations out there. We can laugh, but we all know it's gallows humour, just laughing in the face of adversity, because what choice do we have? It's Day 1 of the new Presidency, and already there are people spreading panic about ICE takedowns that aren't really happening, because they want their 15 minutes of fame on social media, and the misinformation is getting spread around and causing harm by burying legitimate information about deportation actions taking place. It's all a goddamned mess.

It's at times like this that I ever so slightly regret leaving my position at the RCMP, because I often knew National Security things well ahead of the public, and it gave me a probably false sense of security that I might be able to see a lot of things coming and prepare accordingly. For the record, I had given it a lot of thought while I was working there, and if I'd come across information that I thought might save lives if I became a whistleblower, then I would have done exactly that. So it wasn't just about being personally prepared. Just in case you were wondering.

In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out what I can do and where my limits lie. I have been frustratingly unable to keep myself together these past few years, let alone help anyone else, but it's clear I have to do more than what I have been. As they say: if you find yourself wondering what you would have done when the Nazis took power, look at what you're doing right now, because that's what you would have done then. For me right now that looks like going to work, trying to pay my bills, and feeling something akin to despair at what I'm seeing all around me, combined with doing a little bit of prepping whenever I can muster the energy. Clearly, in light of what's happening, that's not enough.

I don't think I can do anything that will directly or materially help my friends south of the border. It's just not within my power at this time. For what it's worth, if any of you land on my doorstep here in Canada after making it across the border, you will always have a place to crash while you figure out your next steps. It's just that Canada has a ridiculous immigration process and it's next to impossible for US citizens to gain a path to Canadian citizenship outside of a work or student visa, and work visas are really tricky to get these days. And Immigration, Refugees, and Citizenship Canada (IRCC) have just announced they're cutting 3,300 jobs in the next few months, so that will make wait times even longer and the paperwork even more complicated, I assume. 

So I'm going to focus on what I can do closer to home. We've been facing a housing and hunger crisis for a long time in Canada, so I'm going to try to find a volunteer spot at a local food bank. A lot of the local volunteer-based outreach is dominated by Christian organizations with a lot of emphasis on proselytizing, which I am not keen on. I'm thinking, though, that if I get enough experience, I might down the road be able to get together with other like-minded people and maybe start a food pantry or a food bank of my own. No idea if that's realistic or feasible, but something worth looking into, I think.

I'm also going to make a renewed effort to connect with my neighbours. I live in a townhome complex, and mostly people keep to themselves, but I am on friendly-if-distant terms with my immediate neighbours. The lady who kept calling bylaw on my dogs and whose son stormed aggressively into my yard to scream at me a couple of years ago is welcome to go fuck herself, but I am going to reach out to my closer neighbours. There's a few who have made at least polite noises about having a shared drink at some point, and while my last invitation was politely declined due to prior commitments, I will give it another try, probably in February so I have at least a snowball's chance in hell of getting the house clean enough for guests.

I've been following an account called "The Happy Urbanist" on TikTok, and last year he started a regular event at his house called "Popsicles on the Porch," where every Thursday evening through the summer he'd bring out a giant cooler full of popsicles and distribute them to his neighbours from his porch. Everyone was welcome, it was an outdoor affair so distancing was possible, and it was super kid-friendly.  So I think I will start that in late April or May. Of course, I don't have a porch, but I do have a front stoop and a driveway, so I can definitely make something happen, and if it takes off in the summer I will try to extend it into the fall and the warmer part of winter, and serve coffee and hot chocolate instead of popsicles. I might even pull my barbecue into the driveway and ask people to bring their own food if they want to have more than a popsicle. This plan is going to be a lot easier to enact in the near future than anything else. I'm going to post an announcement on local community boards (both physical and online), and put paper flyers in mailboxes for my immediate neighbours, and see what happens. I might get no people or I might get fifty or a hundred, there's no real way to tell at this point.

I'm in a few local groups on Facebook and NextDoor, so there does appear to be some desire to connect with community among the folks in my area. I am taking that as a sign to be optimistic, at least.

In the meantime, I am determined to make this weekend the time I get all my seeds started for both my indoor veggie garden and for my community garden plot. I was always told not to start my plants too early or they'd get leggy/otherwise not do well, but I have found another gardening resource that has what seems like good advice on how to start your plants early and get not only good results, but hardier/more resilient plants for the growing season and even a potentially better harvest.

I have plans to put in at least one raised bed in my own backyard this summer, and multiple raised beds in my garden plot. I was originally planning to plant everything in the ground directly, but last summer's back injury has convinced me that this is a bad idea. I need to have access to at least part of the garden without having to bend/crouch all the way down to ground level. 

I also put in an order for a pound of red wiggler worms yesterday which I will hopefully be picking up tomorrow in order to start vermicomposting again. I am planning a three-tier system using Rubbermaid bins this time, along with a repurposed cooler drain for easier access to the "worm tea" (aka the liquid that is produced by worm bins in addition to the compost/worm castings).

So, yeah. I want to at least try to not be a useless lump for the next few months. Only time will tell if I will be successful in any meaningful way.

I am crazy-busy these days. My bookcases still aren't built, and I haven't gone to the upstairs apartment to clear out the rest of my stuff. There isn't that much left, which is why I've been putting it off. I still haven't hooked up my washing machine either. Since I do my laundry upstairs, you'd think I'd be able to take my stuff down at the same time, but you'd be underestimating my laziness. ;)

I had brunch with BorderCrossing and her friend today, which was lots of fun. I bicycled there, since it was on Notre-Dame and thus not super far. It was nice to get back in the saddle, although in retrospect it was a mistake to wear my windbreaker: I was way too warm and had to take it off. If I can muster the energy on Monday, I'm going to try to start biking to work again. The weather is really perfect for it.

BorderCrossing took me to a nearby park afterward, and we played frisbee. Frisbee is apparently the only game she likes, so I'm happy to play it with her. It's a bit weird, dating someone who really doesn't like games (she even used the word "hate" at one point!), but she's not averse to my continuing my own gaming lifestyle, so I guess it's okay overall.

I still suck as much at frisbee as I remembered, but it was still fun, and by the end I was mostly able to get it to go roughly in the right direction (instead of at right angles to said direction, which is my specialty). I took a very undignified tumble at one point when I twisted at an odd angle trying to pick the frisbee out of the air. Embarrassing, but not painful and no permanent damage was done.

I am currently doing laundry, and have tricked myself into bringing down my worm bin and set it on the outside balcony. My worms have all mysteriously disappeared, although the earth inside is looking pretty moist and healthy. I am mystified. Perhaps they died of starvation, although I thought they could survive for a decent amount of time on the nutrients in the soil. *shrug* I've dumped some extra food in there in the form of banana peels and eggshells from last week's banana bread, and with any luck the whole thing will revive.

My other goal for today is to get the kitchen cleaned up. I haven't been home much this week, and when I have been home dishes have been the last thing on my mind. I have no dishwasher soap yet (I should really remedy that) so I'm still washing things by hand. Maybe I'll go to the dépanneur and see if there's soap there: that would certainly reduce my workload, supposing I can figure out how to use the dishwasher.

After all this I have to shower and get ready for dinner and then Tarasmas. I am taking BorderCrossing and giving her an initiation by fire to my friends. ;) I am confident that she'll be fine, though. Anyone who can't take my friends probably shouldn't be dating me.

Okay, to work.

I know you're all dying to hear about how my worms are doing. I've been keeping an eye on them for a while, since I appear to have overfed them in February. I left them entirely alone for March and April, and only recently began re-introducing food to the bin.

The worms appear happy (as these things go, anyway). There's lots of rich black compost in there, and soon I will have to buy another copy of the "Journal de Montréal" to feed them, unless someone out there is willing to donate a few pages of newspaper to the cause?

The earth is quite moist, although I haven't actually added water since that initial spraying of the newspaper when I set up the composter. I'm glad I never tried to water it, since I'm sure the poor worms would be trying to crawl up the sides of the bin by now. As it is, they appear to be hanging out near the bottom of the bin, and in the corners where I've put food.

I am very impressed by the quality of the soil. I don't know what I was expecting, but somehow it wasn't really rich black stuff. I don't know why it never occurred to me that it would do that, since that's what it says in all the literature. I guess I really had to see it to believe it.

As promised, I am now delivering Worm Pr0n. My html skills are negligible at best, and all my attempts at aligning the images to the left or right went horribly awry, so I'm afraid you'll have to make do with a very basic layout.


( Cut to spare those of you still on dial-up! )



And that's the end of today's demonstration. I didn't take any pictures of the closed box at the end, because, well, it looks just like the closed box at the beginning, so there wasn't much point.

There you have it. :)

It's ridiculously difficult to get in touch with anyone who might have red wriggler worms to sell.

Eco-quartier is closed from Friday to Sunday, inclusively.

The other number I tried (I was told "worm swap" but it's somewhere else) said they wouldn't have worms until April.

Worm Swap didn't answer their phone.

Sustainable Concordia didn't answer their phone.

Pousse-menu answered, but only after I tried three times (every 15 minutes).


So I'm off to Pousse-menu later today. I'm going to take a shower, hie myself to Best Buy for a camera, and then to Pousse-menu for worms. I hope their worms aren't as stupidly expensive as the other stuff, because I am leery of the prices listed on their website. They're selling the whole worm-kit for over $70, whereas I paid $13 for my box. Yeah.

GIP for environmental stuff!

Okay, shower.

1- Capricornucopia was awesome. Proper update when I have connectivity at home.

2- My friends rock.

3- Made public a decision I made a few weeks ago. It went very well. So nice to have understanding and mature friends. :)

4- Sunday was nice, except for a horrid nightmare in which my mother threw me out of the house for some reason. Unsettled me for the whole day. It did strike me that, in my dream, I owned a vast quantity of brightly-coloured socks.

5- Settled a few more financial things today. More will be settled in the weeks/months to come. This is doing wonders for my peace of mind.

6- My friends rock.

7- Got a vermicomposter today, but no worms yet. They are sold separately, like batteries. They are also expensive little buggers. Details as events warrant.

8- I have a migraine. Have taken migraine candy, which is making the whole thing bearable. I am looking forward to my bed.

9- SNOW!!!!! Must dig car out of snowbank now, but it's worth it! EEEEEEE!!!!

10- My friends rock.


That is all. :)