mousme: A text icon, dark green text on pale green, that reads There is no normal life. There's just life. (No Normal Life)
The title is a bit of a misnomer, because it's not like I got any time off for the holidays, so theoretically I've been working as usual the whole time. The thing is, of course, that the holidays always cause a significant slowdown at work. People take more time off to be with their families, other governmental departments shut down for a few days, etc. So I spent a couple of weeks not having to deal with my bosses (they don't come in on statutory holidays and many of them took time off), and having a significantly lighter workload than is the norm. Tomorrow, though, everyone will be back at work, including the bosses, and all the office politics bullshit will start up again, as well as the regular work. I'm not looking forward to it.

The better news, even though it's still stressful, is that my classes at university start again on Thursday. I scheduled all my necessary days off work in order to attend, and so far no one has refused my leave, which is nice, but there's no guarantee that will continue, of course. After they refused to honour their commitment to paying for part of my education, I wouldn't put anything past them. They seem to have gone out of their way lately to not accommodate even the most reasonable of requests from employees. It's a great management technique, let me tell you.

In university news, my grades have still not been posted, and I may have a quiet nervous breakdown about it. Holy shit. They're supposed to be posted this week, but I guess it could be Friday at midnight, technically, or even Sunday at midnight, depending on how they view their weeks. *lies down on the floor dramatically*

I am more than a little sad to be leaving the comfort of the holiday season. I had a great Un-Christmas with my friends, although my parents got sick at the last minute and couldn't come after all. I had a fine old grown-up luncheon at my house, fed six people (in a way it was good my parents weren't there, because there might not have been enough roast for everyone), and had a wonderful time.

Then I turned 40 last Saturday, and for once in my life I decided to celebrate by having a big party, because you only turn 40 once, after all. My mother, when I had told her about my plans, immediately pounced on the idea, and declared that she would organize it and that it would be my Christmas and birthday present all rolled into one. Honestly, the way she went about it made me think that she has despaired of my ever getting married, and this was her way of sublimating all of her wedding planning desires, which was fine by me. The only point of contention was the guest list, because the venue limited us to 30 people, and she kept insisting that I should invite all of my parents' friends, including people I didn't know.

"You should invite the Smiths!"

"Mim, I don't know them. They don't know me! Why on earth would they come to my birthday party?"

"We see them socially!"

"Well, I certainly don't. We exchanged ten polite words about twenty years ago."

Etc. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. ;)

Anyway, I negotiated her down to a reasonable number of "olds" as they all call themselves now (not technically wrong, most of them are over 75, many well over 80 years old): my godparents and some old family friends, which still added up to about twelve people. I ended up inviting a lot more than 30 people, based on the solid notion that not everyone would be able to attend, and I was right. A few sent their regrets right away, and a few people were unable to make it at the last minute: one simply forgot entirely (oops), three were sick, and one had an accident that required urgent medical care.

The ones who did make it were an absolute delight, of course. The party was catered (my mother does not do things halfway), and the food was absolutely delicious. My mother had also ordered the hugest bouquet of various white flowers (lilies, hydrangeas, white roses, and a bunch of others I can't remember), which was glorious. I don't even have words to describe how beautiful it was (I will have to find photos). I wasn't able to take any pictures, because my phone was hooked up to the sound system in order to provide music.

I was also able to give them their Christmas presents at long last, which was tickets to see Cyrano de Bergerac on the big screen (live broadcasts of theatre and opera are the bomb, yo) as well as a new landline phone for their house, because theirs is twenty-six years old an no longer works, no matter how much they protest that it's "fine." (It's not fine.)

It was a great party, but it was obvious my mother found it taxing. She was just recovering from an illness, after all, and at the end of the party when I took her home (it was literally across the street from their condo), she was wheezing terribly and could barely hold herself upright. I had to immediately park her in the kitchen and scramble to get her inhaler-thingy (I'm not sure if it's still called a bronchodilator if it's for emphysema?), and that helped considerably, but it helped to drive home the point that she really is very frail these days.

In the meantime, things have slowly been getting back to normal for me. No more parties, and I've been trying (I failed last night, alas) to get to bed at a reasonable hour. Tonight I'm aiming for bed at 8 pm (in 5 minutes or so) and lights out by 8:30 pm. I started streaming on Twitch again on Monday after a hiatus for the holidays, and it's amazing how much time that eats up. Even for a 3-ish hour stream like mine, there's a lot of prep that goes into making sure things go smoothly. If I'm not careful, it can swallow a whole day without my doing anything else.

Because I mostly didn't play video games during the holidays, I found myself with a bit more free time than usual, and I ended up diving back into The Dresden files early in the New Year. I hadn't re-read them in a while, and some of the newer books I haven't re-read at all yet. It's been fun getting back into that universe, and indeed getting back into reading at all. I've been having concentration issues for a while now that have all but precluded reading any new novels (I'd find myself having to re-read the same chapter over and over because I couldn't for the life of me remember what had happened or who the characters were), but these are like visiting old friends. I remember enough from when I last read them to keep me afloat, and I'm hoping that I will be able to exercise my reading muscle (so to speak) enough to be able to embark on more adventurous terrain in a few months. We shall see.

On that note, it is time for me to go to bed. I'm finding it a little difficult to both make time and to remember to post here, but I will come back as often as I can. See you on the flip side, folks!
mousme: An RCMP officer in ceremonial uniform swinging around a horizontal bar. (Maintain the Right)
 Happy New Near. everyone!

I am... cautiously optimistic about 2019. 2018 was a bit of a roller coaster ride, with some good ups and some pretty bad downs. I learned about myself, faced a lot of setbacks, learned some more about myself, and also did some pretty good things. Work got worse, life got more hectic than I ever wanted, but I started taking those first steps on the journey of 1,000 miles.

So, I figured I would set out some intentions for 2019. Not exactly resolutions, because I associate those with Acts of Willpower™, and I am not good at those. I get overwhelmed easily, and my willpower tends to run out halfway through the day, or pretty much right away during my night shifts. ;)

But yeah. Intentions. I am turning 40 in five days (whoop whoop!), and aside from having a big old party to celebrate (first actual birthday party since I was 13 years old! Also likely the last one.), I am... not exactly satisfied with where I find myself. I honestly thought I'd be in a different position at this age than I currently am, and while it's not like I haven't been working toward what I want, I also haven't been as laser-focused as I'd like.

This is likely going to get long, and probably boring to most people who aren't me. I don't know, maybe some people will find it interesting, which is why I'm posting it at all.
Caveat emptor... )

And that's it for my plans for 2019, at least for now. Let this be the year that we all kick ass and take names!

Animated gif of Jillian Holtzmann from Ghostbusters 2016 licking the pistol of her proton pack, with the caption "Let's go."

mousme: A picture of the muppet Forgetful Jones from Sesame Street (Forgetful Jones)
 I don't know why I constantly overestimate my level of energy to get things done. I am an eternal optimist, I guess. Anyway, I got a fair bit done this week. I got 95% of my errands done (I forgot a couple of things, because I was silly and didn't make a proper list), I got a tree which I will decorate probably tomorrow evening, I had my therapy appointment and got my blood tests done this morning. All in all, it wasn't too bad.

Very, VERY boring daily stuff under the cut. )

Done!

Dec. 17th, 2018 11:43 pm
mousme: A text icon in pale blue that reads Winter is Coming (Winter is Coming)
 Woo, I have finished and submitted my last term paper! Now all I have to do is wait for my grades. Oh, and pay my tuition for next semester (which, ouch, tuition is way more expensive than it was when I last went to university, let me tell you: I am paying more for two courses than I used to pay for a full semester during my first degree). Anyway, I am 90% sure I passed. I've been getting As in both classes up until now, so at the very least if I totally bombed the finals, I will at least pass with a C.

Now that I am free of schoolwork for two glorious weeks, I need to catch up on all the stuff in my life that I have left slide. First and foremost, I have to clean the house. It is unequivocally a disaster, and I don't mean that in the way that your annoying neat-freak friends mean it when they apologize for "the mess" because one of their sofa cushions is crooked and they forgot to fold the throw on their recliner and maybe left a paper on the coffee table. No, no, my house is in a "if anyone comes in right now I will be utterly humiliated" state. So, yeah, this week will be a cleaning week.

Before I can do that, though, even if it is a priority in my mind, I have a bunch of errands to run, and I need to do them first thing tomorrow morning. Last year I kind of forgot to renew my car registration in time, for the first time ever, and it did not go well. Luckily for me, the officer who stopped me was very nice and let me off with a warning if I promised to go that same day to get it renewed, which I did. This year, though, I can't get it renewed without an emissions test, so that's what's happening first tomorrow. Then I will renew it online, and Bob's your uncle.

I also need to get groceries and buy several thousand gallons of enzyme cleaner for the basement carpet (I exaggerate only slightly). The poor basement carpet is suffering from Stressed-Out-Cat Syndrome, which translates to "the cats have peed so much outside the litter box that the entire basement reeks and there is very little I can do about it right now until I can afford to have the carpet ripped out and replaced." It is as much fun as it sounds. So the enzyme cleaner is not so much to fix the problem as put a band-aid on it so that the guests who are coming in two weeks don't flee my house because it smells so toxic. FUN TIMES.

The plan is to clean the kitchen first tomorrow if I can after my errands. I promised folks that I would do a stream, which I haven't managed in quite some time, due to real life commitments and also because I hurt my back for a while (because I am old and out of shape and my muscles decided that "fuck you!" was a good course of action for them) and sitting in my computer chair was way too painful for long periods of time. So I want to do a "quick" three-hour stream tomorrow. I also need to get back out for my daily walk, which I skipped today in favour of both sleeping and getting my final paper written. I have few regrets, except the procrastination on the paper itself, which is what prevented the walk in the first place. The irony of my procrastinating on that paper is that it was a paper on the importance of self-regulation. XD

Wednesday has been unexpectedly freed up. I was supposed to help a coworker paint a friend's house, but it turns out the friend isn't ready for us, which is good news for me. It means that I can spend the morning and early afternoon doing some cleaning and, more importantly, some de-cluttering. I had planned to de-clutter the house in 2018, but guess how well that went? If you guessed "not well," you guessed correctly. So I am trying again, because I refuse to pack all the crap I accumulated again next time I move. I have so many papers, y'all. So many. I want to get the house mostly presentable by the end of this week, so that next week, after I get off work, I can focus on making Un-Christmas dinner for my guests on the 29th. If I'm panicking about the cleaning, dinner will not be as good.

Wednesday afternoon is partially blocked off for a therapy appointment, and then Thursday morning I get to go in for even more blood tests. Yaaaaaay. Luckily the clinic opens at 7 am, so that should motivate me to get there early and beat the terrible, terrible wait times when I go later in the day, and since I will be up anyway, I can spend most of the day continuing Project Unfuck My House.

Friday I go back to work, and I won't be free again until Wednesday morning, so I have to get my shit together before then. Almost everything will be closed starting on Sunday for the holidays, and shopping on the Saturday before Christmas is a nightmare of epic proportions, so getting things done before then is a necessity. I need to eat at work, after all, and if nothing is open that means I have to make sure I prep food adequately for myself.

OKAY. It's past midnight (good job procrastinating on that paper, self), so I need to go to sleep now if I want to have any hope of flipping my schedule back around from nights to days. I will be back later with more riveting tales of domesticity.

mousme: A picture of the muppet Forgetful Jones from Sesame Street (Forgetful Jones)
I've reached the point in my night shifts where I hate pretty much everything and everyone. It usually happens after midnight on my second night shift, but this time around it actually only struck on the third night a couple of hours ago. Now I only have an hour and a half or so before I can go home, so it's not so bad.
 
I've been procrastinating on my term paper, which is due... I was going to say tomorrow, but I guess technically it's today. It's 1/3 done, but I still have the other two parts to write. The first part was the group work component, but I did about 90% of that anyway, so it feels as though I worked on it alone most of the time. It reminded me of why I hate group work. :P I need to sleep when I get home, but the plan is to get up early-ish and finish writing it after that. It's not due until midnight, and I only need to write 4-6 pages, which is eminently doable. I am trying to be better about the procrastination, and I *was* doing a little better, right up until this final paper was due.

I will have to work harder on that next semester, because the further I get into this new degree, the more complex and difficult my coursework is going to get, and I won't be able to get away with last-minute work like this anymore. Not to mention that I work 60-hour weeks, so with school on top of that (plus I'm still streaming on Twitch as a hobby, which takes up another 12-15 hours a week), time is a scarce commodity these days.

I don't have a huge amount to report right now, mostly because I am so tired my eyes are crossing. I am compiling a list of, well, I guess New Year's Resolutions is not a misnomer in this case, although I like to think of them more as goals, because resolutions tend to go by the wayside starting in February. In this case, I'm trying to make my goals as specific as possible, so that I'll have as good a chance as any to make them happen. So I will probably write up an entry with those goals later on, sometime this week, but not until my paper is finished.

Honestly, I will probably have to talk with my therapist about all of this, because she is pretty good at helping me come up with strategies for not crashing and burning. Okay, time to start doing end-of-shift things. I've posted twice in the past three days, so I am moderately optimistic about my odds of keeping on with the posting. Onward!
mousme: A text icon, dark green text on pale green, that reads There is no normal life. There's just life. (No Normal Life)
 Well, it HAS been a hot minute since I posted here.

I was reminded of the existence of DW and LJ by the collective meltdown on the internet about Tumblr banning all forms of porn/erotica, and all of fandom frantically looking for a new place to go and roost. If memory serves, it was cracking down on pornography and supposedly "indecent" content that sounded the death knell of LiveJournal, too, consigning it to the current quasi-wasteland of only a few regular posters and the rest of us who update only sporadically, when we remember to.

Still! I very much enjoyed LJ back when I was updating regularly, so I am giving this another whirl. The last time I wrote, my dog had died, work was kind of a shambles, and I was about to start university again after 17 years.

What has changed since then? Well, work is even more of a shambles. Just when we thought we'd hit rock bottom, our bosses discovered new mining equipment and started drilling deeper. I figure it's only a matter of time before they end up summoning a Balrog at the rate they're going. It's a little too involved to explain right now, and if I can hold myself to posting more regularly here, I promise I will devote a (short) entry to go into more detail about our current clusterbang, as one of my coworkers would put it.

University is proving both more manageable and more stressful than I thought. I know I've passed both my courses based on my grades up until this point, the real question will be with how high a grade I passed. I'm hoping for an A or an A- in both, which would be ideal. A+ is not on the table at this point, but I think I can still pull off a highish grade. Tuesday was my final exam in one course, and I have a final paper due Monday (which is a bitch, as I am working nights all weekend).

I'm back on meds because my anxiety and mood were starting to spiral a little out of control, mostly spiking because of work being terrible and the added stress of university. Therapy with my nice ADHD therapist is going pretty well, if slightly slowly. I've been doing a ton of medical tests lately (I will go into that at a later date, maybe), and will have to undergo day surgery at some point in the not-quite-near future. There is an outside chance that I have cancer, but no one seems especially worried about it, so I'm choosing to not worry about it either. It's just not much fun to think about in general.

On to brighter topics! Christmas is around the corner for me (as I am a person who quasi-celebrates Christmas). I am hosting Un-Christmas at my house again this year as, as usual, I am working all through Christmas. So long as I don't have young children of my own, I don't mind working holidays. The pay is good, and I'd rather the people with young families be home with their loved ones. I and my family can celebrate any day of the week and it makes very little difference to us. I need to get my act together and clean up my damned house. Any semblance of cleaning or tidying went out the window since September except for the bare minimum, and honestly it wasn't all that great to begin with. So sometime in the next week or so I need to roll up my sleeves and git 'er done. I also need to do a proper meal plan for that day and come up with some fun food for everyone to eat. I also need to get my parents a Christmas present, no easy feat given how hard they are to shop for these days.

And the last of the exciting news is that I will be turning 40 in 21 days! I am pretty excited, and also I am throwing a cocktail party to celebrate, which is the first and probably the last time I will do that. My mother offered to pay for it as a present, which is super nice of her, but it's also been a little trying. I think she may be sublimating her desire to pay for and help plan my wedding, maybe subconsciously realizing that it will probably not happen in her lifetime. There was a limit of 30 people to the guest list, and I had to gently talk her down from inviting all of *her* friends and leaving no room at all on the guest list for mine. XD "Mim, I am sure the Smiths are lovely people, but they don't really know me. The last time we spoke was literally twenty years ago." (Names changed to protect the innocent) Anyway, she had trouble with the venue, trouble with the caterers, and it was All Very Dramatic for a while, but we appear to have turned a corner, and hopefully it will be smooth sailing from here on out.

Duty calls. Tonight is a night shift at work (hence why I'm writing this at one o'clock in the morning instead of being in bed like a sane person), and there is stuff to be done.

I may be back tomorrow. <3


mousme: A text icon that reads: "When the sun has set, no candle can replace it." (Sun has set)
 I promised an update, so an update you shall have! For all that it feels like nothing ever happens in my life, actually there's a fair bit to catch up on. I can't guarantee it will be interesting to anyone but me, though, fair warning.

Here we go, in order of importance, I guess:

  • Sad news first: Sergent died just under a month ago. He was my dog, for those of you who may not be fully up to speed on things. Anyway, he'd been slowing down a lot over the last year--his arthritis was clearly getting worse in spite of treatments, and he became incontinent right after I moved house and basically never recouped his house training after that. Then Father's Day weekend, while my parents were visiting, he got really sick, which usually happened about once a year for him, but this time when I brought him to the emergency vet, he didn't bounce back the way he usually does. He stopped being able to walk, lost all interest in food, water, and his surroundings, and generally made it very obvious to me that he was ready to go. The vet concurred with me that euthanasia was the best course of action, and so that's what we decided to do. He went quickly, and at least at the end he wasn't in pain anymore.
  • Not-sad news: I am starting university again in the fall! I took a two-day course in conflict resolution at my workplace, and really loved it. I also spied an opportunity, as the instructor said that they were thinking of expanding the Informal Conflict management program. So I discreetly inquired as to what one might need to become part of said program, and she said I'd need a degree in Conflict Studies from St. Paul University. Uncharacteristically for me, I took the plunge and not only immediately started researching the degree, I actually pulled together all the necessary paperwork to apply, and applied. To my shock, I was actually accepted for a Bachelor of Arts in Conflict Studies. So I start again September 5th, and am freaking out ever so slightly, because it has been roughly eighteen years since I was last in university, and I am pretty sure I have forgotten how to Academia. Still, it's pretty exciting. If I study part-time but manage some summer courses, I can finish in about five years. Possibly less, if I can apply to be fast-tracked to a Masters' Degree, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, just getting my feet wet again will suffice.
  • In weirdly related news, I have resumed going to therapy. There's no official diagnosis yet, but it looks like I might actually have ADHD, or at least some sort of executive dysfunction disorder. [livejournal.com profile] ai731 asked me if I'd ever been tested, way back in November, during one of our cooking days, when I YET AGAIN skipped a step in a recipe/forgot an ingredient/whatever. Obviously I've never been tested, but the more I looked into it, the more it seemed to fit. If it is the correct diagnosis, then I'd have what's called the "inattentive" presentation, rather than hyperactivity. So, anyway, I'm working with a therapist who specializes in ADHD and related things, and we've been trying to make me less of a trash fire of a human being. It's slow going so far, but at least she's been keeping me honest about a few things. I think I'll expand on that in a separate entry.
  • Work has been chugging along, in much the same way as before. We go through periods where it looks like we'll maybe pull ourselves out of the hole we're constantly in, by hiring people and training them, and then before we know it a ton of people jump ship for various reasons, and we're practically back to square one. Right now one employee is out on maternity leave, another is on paternity leave for nine months, one just up and left after being back only a few months after being out on stress leave and has dramatically declared he's never coming back, and we STILL haven't filled previous vacancies. One was out on bereavement leave for three weeks, one was out for two months on medical leave for two months and is only coming back part-time next week, and won't be full time until probably September. It's a mess. Right now we are 9 full-time permanent employees (including supervisors), 2 full-time contract employees, 1 part-time contract employee, and one guy who is helping us out because he's being super nice and knows we're in trouble. We're supposed to be 16 full-time permanent employees (including supervisors), but that has not been the case once since I started working there. Oh, and our Director just retired and our Staff Sergeant just announced she was leaving in August for another section, so we will have two completely new people above us in the chain of command, who have NO experience in our section and no idea what we do, and it will take a year of work on our part to get them up to speed.
  • Related to the above, it's kind of the reason I'm looking to get out of my current position. It's not the only reason, of course, nor even the primary one. The primary reason is that the long weeks and ridiculous rotating shifts are getting increasingly difficult to recover from. I work 60 hour weeks, then get several days off in between, but those days off are increasingly spent sleeping or being useless because I'm so tired from work. I also do much better on a set schedule, and my work schedule is not regular enough for that. It's doing my head in. Another reason I was considering getting out is that my Staff Sergeant seems to have decided that I am super incompetent and that I need to be micromanaged. Now, granted, I did make a mistake. It was a mistake that was mostly minor, but unfortunately it got noticed by officers who were senior to my Staff Sergeant, and so they called her and yelled about it, and therefore that shit rolled downhill to me. I will give her props, she did not throw me under the bus, but I think she's still holding the grudge months later. I have been on the receiving end of irrational grudges from management before, and I wasn't relishing the prospect of continuing working for her, but since she's leaving in a month or so, I'm a lot less worried about it now.
  • I'm still streaming on Twitch! I've really found my groove, and am having a lot of fun with it. (If you're interested, you can catch me here: https://www.twitch.tv/ratherastory) I'm part of some great communities, have made wonderful new friends, and have discovered amazing video games it never would have occurred to me to play on my own. I've also started doing cooking streams on my free Saturdays, and am having a blast with that, too. I've been managing to stream on average three times a week, and even have something of a schedule set up for it, as much as my work schedule allows for, anyway.

I think that's many of the broad strokes of what happened over the past few months. There were smaller things, too, minor drama at work, adventures with friends, cool Christmas parties, but this should give you an idea of where I'm at these days. I'm going to try to update more regularly. If not every day, then at least a couple of times a week. Once upon a time, this LJ was a good way for me to keep a record of what was going on in my life, so it'd be nice if I could start that process up again.
mousme: A picture of Wol from Winnie the Pooh, holding a note that reads "Gon Out. Backson. Bizy. Backson." (Back Soon)
*embarrassed cough*

Uh, HI.

I keep swearing I'll post more, and then I... don't. This is a serious failing on my part, and I am kind of sorry about that.

Part of my problem is that I fell down a New Shiny Hobby Rabbit Hole. This happens to me more often than I'd like to admit, usually right around November. Oops.

I'd promise to be better, but I am trying not to make promises I can't keep. Right now I'm in the last hours of a night shift, so I'm going to keep this entry brief, but I will do my level best to come back tomorrow and try to at least put in bullet form all the things that have been going on in the past eight months or so. There's actually quite a bit, although none of it is very thrilling, I am sorry to say.

I have been woefully absent from LiveJournal and Dreamwidth. Please tell me what important things I missed in your lives, dear friends! 

Whoops.

Nov. 3rd, 2017 08:33 pm
mousme: A picture of Wol from Winnie the Pooh, holding a note that reads "Gon Out. Backson. Bizy. Backson." (Back Soon)
Well, my post-every-day resolution lasted exactly one day, because I forgot yesterday.  Well, it's not the end of the world. You get me today, isn't that fun?

I've made a teensy bit of progress this week in setting up my little home office. I've got bookcases put together, and now I just need to set aside some time to put away my books in the order I want them. You will not be surprised to learn that this can take me quite a lot of time, as there is nothing quite like organizing books to bring out the perfectionist in me. ;)

This is still not the promised post about work. I kind of remembered about LJ a little late today, and that post is going to take me a bit of time to compose properly, I think. In the meantime, I have been alternating in my free time between streaming (to answer an earlier question, I am in fact broadcasting) and watching way too much television.

I got hooked by Stranger Things last year, and happily went back down that rabbit hole last weekend again. It's an adorable show. It's perhaps a little too enamoured of its own premise of being set in the 1980s, and this season especially was pretty short on good plotting, but the character writing is top-notch, and we all know how much I love good character writing. I tried watching Timeless, as I'd heard pretty decent things about it, but honestly it was so US-centric that I got bored during the second episode. Oh noes, the bad guy wants to destroy America in the crib! MEH. I would give up a non-vital body part for an American-written show to also realise that there are other countries in the world with really rich and interesting histories. I think I got spoiled with shows like Sense8 (although it has its own problems), and now I require a little more variety and, dare I say, diversity in my shows. So not even the promise of time travel could keep me watching Timeless. It also doesn't help that I found the two leads pretty boring.

I also have been watching Star Trek: Discovery (although I am not 100% caught up), and... I am ambivalent about it. I desperately want to like it, because it has a diverse cast and is being run by Bryan Fuller, whose work I mostly quite like, but it doesn't feel like Star Trek, if that makes any sense. It almost has more of a Star Trek: Enterprise feel to it, which is a show I didn't really enjoy and stopped watching in season 2, if memory serves. I am told it got better after that, but I haven't yet gotten around to giving it another shot. Sorry, Scott Bakula, I did love you in Quantum Leap. ;)

I could probably chatter on at length about TV, but looking at the time, I can see that bedtime is a better life choice on my part. ;)

Tomorrow morning I will be running D&D for my original group, and I have big things planned for them. Plot-altering prophecies and the like. I need to get up early to finish up some NPC stats for it. Then I need to run errands, as I'll be 

See you on the flip side, everyone!
mousme: A turquoise twenty-sided die that has landed on "1." The caption reads: "Shit." (Natural One)
It's November 1st, and I have a vague memory of saying I would post every day in November to get myself back on track with updating LJ. Then suddenly it was 19:00 and I hadn't done a damned thing about it. Whoops.

 In my defense, I am just coming off a night shift, so most of today was spend sleeping. I actually spent the afternoon streaming Don't Starve, which was a lot of fun. I've been streaming my games for about a week now, and the plan is to do it pretty regularly. I've been watching Critical Role on Twitch for a year and a half, now, but somehow never worked out that Twitch was this huge thing beyond just the Geek & Sundry channel. I discovered the error of my ways this summer, and have been watching other people streaming ever since then. Since it looked like a lot of fun, I decided that when I got a proper gaming computer (for which I'd been saving up), I would make sure that it had the necessary power to also stream reliably.

So that's what I've been up to for the last week. I am still hilariously not good good at video games, so I think the main attraction of anything I stream is the sheer entertainment of watching me flail around, trying not to perish ignominiously. (In case this sounds like your jam, you can find my channel at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/ratherastory). I started out with The Long Dark, which I think I've raved about here before, and then switched to Don't Starve at the request of some friends. I'm still working out the kinks in Twitch and OBS, and so far while it's sometimes a little on the obscure side for a beginner like me, I'm having a great time.

I also have another streaming ambition, which is to stream some cooking. I have no idea how that will work, because my poor laptop is dead, and I can't exactly bring my computer downstairs. I'm consulting with people who understand streaming better than I do what such an endeavour would entail, so I guess I'll keep you posted on how that goes.

Tonight is one of my D&D games, Pax Regina. I'm playing a Firbolg Barbarian named Tauron, who has a 4 in Charisma, which we've decided means that, because he's shy on top of everything else, no one notices he exists. That never fails to be hilarious, as he's nearly 7 feet tall and weighs something like 280 lbs. It's like not noticing a walking brick wall until it's right on top of you.

Tomorrow the plan is to do some more streaming, and get a little bit of cooking done. I have some pasta sauce to use, but unfortunately that requires cooking the actual pasta, too. ;) If I can muster the energy, I may post about work. I mean, I will definitely post, but I'm not sure I want to talk about work. There's a lot to talk about, and a lot of it is not great. Still, it will likely do me some good to put it all down in written forma and process it that way.
mousme: A text icon, dark green text on pale green, that reads There is no normal life. There's just life. (No Normal Life)
 I have too many things that have happened, and not enough energy to write about them all. So the question is, what do I pick to write about?

I did mention in my previous post that my poor old MacBook Pro died. I am super annoyed about this, as I got the logic board replaced last November, which means it's not even a year old. The hard drive was a brand new SSD, and I had just added more RAM to it, too. Still, it now falls under the category of "throwing good money after bad," since another logic board would set me back $900 or more, which is ridiculous.

The good news is, I had been saving up money for several months in order to get myself a proper desktop computer, because I've reached the point now where I'm serious enough about video games that I was ready to invest actual  money into a good gaming rig. I originally thought that, with the help of a friend who offered at the time, that I could try building my own. A little bit like this, but with more clothes:

So l33t )Anyway, the more I researched, the more I realized that this was a huuuuuuge rabbit hole, and that I was going to get lost in it forever and possibly come out on the other side with nothing but damaged computer components to show for it. So I regretfully informed my friend that I wouldn't be building my own system, at least not for many years to come. The good news is that I found someone local who was willing to build me a custom system for the same price as I would have bought a lower quality computer. 

Getting a desktop PCs up and running was a pain in the goddamned ass, friends. First off, I had to buy monitors (I've had Macs all my life, which come with their own monitors), and a webcam (again, my computer came with one), and there are no built-in speakers, either. Everything is extra. My ethernet cables were dead, much to my dismay, and the monitors I bought came with cables that were incompatible with my new tower. It was an adventure, let me tell you. It took days to get it all set up, including a trip back with the computer so the guy who built it could install a component he'd forgotten. He also, for some reason, didn't format the hard drive, which I found out the other day when the computer alerted me that the SSD was almost full. *clutches head*

Anyway, after all those headaches, everything is now pretty much set up. The little room that serves as my office is a mess of empty boxes and packaging, and I still haven't properly unpacked my books. Once I do that (maybe tomorrow? I guess we'll see how much more procrastination I indulge in), I plan to start streaming games on Twitch. It looks like it could be a lot of fun, although part of me is very anxious about putting myself out there. (I'm under the name @ratherastory on there, in case anyone is interested)

I've been too busy at work the past couple of weeks to play much, but things are a bit quieter now, so I'm hoping this week will give me that opportunity. 

Also, in happy computer news, my father has loaned me his iPad on a pretty much permanent basis. He was only using it on trips, and after a few weeks of not having it, he says he doesn't miss it and that I can keep it unless he wants it for a trip in the future. That's a pretty sweet deal, especially since he somehow ended up with the Cadillac of all iPads at the time, and it has 120GB of storage. It's pretty sweet.
mousme: A picture of Wol from Winnie the Pooh, holding a note that reads "Gon Out. Backson. Bizy. Backson." (Back Soon)
This is the part where I apologize for not posting, as usual. I do read everything you all post, for what little that’s worth.

Contrary to my old habits (I’m talking many years ago), I have stopped posting here when I’m struggling with my everyday life. To be honest, posting about that stuff just feels exhausting, and so I put it off, and then there’s so much to catch up on that I feel overwhelmed, and the thought of even trying to catch up makes me do the psychological equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and yelling LA-LA-LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

This post is not going to be the “catch-up” posts. For one thing, my beloved MacBook is gone. The brand new logic board I got for it 11 months ago gave up the ghost, and I can’t justify spending $900 to replace it when the new one probably won’t last either. So right now I’m posting from my phone, which is not great.

(I do have another computer, which I will talk about in another post, but it’s a desktop and is in another room, and I miss the convenience of being able to access the internet from my laptop on days like today when I’m just trying to relax in bed before my night shift. It’s a small inconvenience, but still.)

I can’t promise I will post more. I will try. Most of my community is gone from LJ, though, and it makes me a little sad to post here and then see so few of the “faces” from long ago on my friends’ page.

I should start writing again here, though. Writing used to help me process stuff, at least. Maybe I’ll challenge myself to write every day in November, like a pseudo-NaNoWriMo. That might get me back in the rhythm of things.
mousme: A text icon, white text on green, that reads Zathras trained in crisis management (Crisis Management)
It's a statutory holiday here today, so that means I get to wear jeans to work! I have come to deeply loathe and resent having to wear "business casual" office clothing, so God help me if I ever end up having to work in a regular office setting again. Right now I only have to wear the hated clothes about five days a month, often less, when I'm working day shifts during the week, and the rest of the time I can wear comfy jeans, which is my favourite thing to do.

Not much has happened since I last posted. I have been procrastinating like crazy on unpacking the house and doing anything remotely productive when it comes to keeping my life together.

Instead I've been playing Stardew Valley, which is entirely the fault of [livejournal.com profile] fearsclave , who, as usual, is a terrible influence. It's a horribly addictive little farming sim game, which is normally not at all my bag, but on top of the farming there is a significant emphasis on social relationships and community building in the game: the goal is not just to become good at farming, but to integrate a small community and become a respected member of society. The village, called Pelican Town, is also disturbingly realistic in some ways when it comes to depicting small town life, and the otherwise cute and lighthearted game has gotten dark on me a few times. There are characters with depression, suffering from isolation and alcoholism, people on the fringes of "civilised" society. Anyway, it's been weirdly compelling, and it has occupied a lot of my free time in the past three weeks. I finally reached some of the artificial goals the game sets this past weekend, so hopefully my fervor for it will die down a little now, and let me be productive in other ways.

I took Sergent to the vet last week for his shots, and also for our third ride on the "Does the Dog Have Cushing's Disease?" merry go round. I was worried because he's been having accidents in the house ever since I moved. I had attributed it to stress at first, but since it had continued for a month after (though with diminishing frequency), and he's been presenting with other symptoms (panting, less energy, whatnot), a lot of the signs pointed to something else going on. $1,000 later, and the good news is that he still doesn't have Cushings. The bad news is that I'm almost out of savings now. *sigh* I have a new vet, one who is much closer to home, which is much better news for both the pets, who hate being in the car for extended periods, and for my sanity, because my previous vet was an hour away by car, which meant that a vet visit before this meant basically writing off the entire day. It will be nice to be able to do other things on Vet Days now.

In more uplifting news, my new friends L. and J. managed to sell their house, and as of last week no longer live right next to the people who harassed them and made their existence a living misery for two years! I'm so excited and happy for them. They're still looking for a permanent place to live (they both suffer from severe mould allergies. which means they have to be very careful about finding a new home), but at least they now don't have to orchestrate their lives around making sure a vehicle is always parked around their home and that they're not alone for extended periods of time. They no longer have to wear their hoods up to keep their faces covered, or be afraid to leave their house during the day (they did most of their moving in the dead of night), or have their neighbours rev their truck engines at them half the night or point floodlights at their house at all hours, or leave threatening notes on their car windshield. In short, this is fantastic news for them. They sold their house to a heterosexual white couple who already have ties in the neighbourhood, so they're confident the new people won't also be the target of harassment, so it's good all around.

This past weekend ended up busier than any other time since I moved. I ran D&D on Saturday for the first time in over two months, and it went pretty well. I planned a non-combat session for my players: a solstice festival which would allow them to roleplay and just have some fun without worrying about getting killed or having larger moral decisions to make. It was a good way to get back into the swing of things, and give me a bit of breathing space to try to plan out the next arc of their story. In a way, Levels 1-5 were there to help them figure out who their characters are, but now I want to try to start pulling things together and introducing them to the larger world I've been creating. It would likely help me if I worked out more of the details of my world, I guess. :P I don't know if they'll make it all the way to Level 20, but I have plans for them if they do, that's for sure. I just have to figure out what I want to see happen in the interim, and how to make it as much fun for them as possible, too. I have a lot of their backstories to play with as well, which ought to be fun.

Sunday I went to Meeting, after missing two weeks due to work. Now that I'm a Member I'm finding it more difficult to arrange my life with so few free weekends. I'm the clerk of First Day School, which means I feel obligated to lead FDS at least once a month, which means I have only one Sunday a month to attend Meeting, and therefore that's usually the Sunday I will sacrifice if I have to make other plans (like go on a trip, or what have you), but it means I sometimes won't attend Meeting for several months, and I feel really bad about that. I have no good solution to this, unfortunately, short of finding a job that doesn't require me to work weekends, or winning the lottery so I don't have to work at all anymore. :P

Meeting was more stressful than usual, too, because we had an elderly Member become unresponsive during worship. I feel especially bad, because I noticed early on that he appeared to have fallen asleep during worship, and was drooling a little at the time, and I debated with myself if I should go check and see if he was okay and decided against it. This happened to him last year (the only two times I've ever seen him attend Meeting, for that matter), and I wondered if it might not be happening again, but I worried about overstepping my bounds, as I don't know him at all. If I end up in a similar situation again, I'm damned well not going to worry about being told to mind my own business, so long as it means I'm not possibly sacrificing someone's health and safety in the name of social delicacy. It was a poor decision on my part not to interrupt Meeting to check on him, and I regret it.

When worship was over, it became obvious that something was wrong, and people were oddly reluctant to call for medical help for the man. A few of his friends said they would just take him home, and so I stepped in then and put my foot down. He was slumped over in his chair and completely unresponsive, his skin was clammy, and his breathing was extremely rapid and shallow. "I'm calling an ambulance," I told them, and then got them to move chairs aside so the paramedics would have room to work, and employed my best crowd management techniques to get well-meaning but unhelpful people and the looky-loos out of the way. An ambulance arrived within about three minutes, which was great, along with a policeman, who was helpful in getting people to move back and also to have someone to act as a point of contact with the gentleman's family, whom we were having trouble contacting during the emergency.

The funny thing is, because I was the one who essentially took charge of the emergency, everyone at Meeting decided I must know everything there was to know about the gentleman who'd collapsed. People kept asking me what his medical conditions were, if I'd contacted his children, all sorts of things, when the truth is that I didn't even know the guy's name. I'd never met him properly: I just knew from last summer, when he'd also collapsed at Meeting, that there was a history of this happening. Anyway, in light of this latest event, I approached the Meeting clerk and told her we should suggest that everyone volunteer to give us emergency contact information, for cases such as these. We got lucky that a few of the Members in attendance that day not only knew the man, but had phone numbers for his children in their cell phone contacts, but those Members could just as easily not have been there that day, and then the children would not have found out for hours or perhaps even days that their father was in the hospital.

Everything turned out okay, as far as I know: the gentleman was already awake and more responsive by the time the ambulance took him to the hospital, so I'm sure he will be fine. Still, it could have gone much better, and I have learned quite a few lessons from what I did wrong yesterday.

Back to better news: I'm slated to go to a fandom convention next week, which I'm really looking forward to. It has changed names, from Wincon to Confabulation, but it's basically still the same con. I'm looking forward to seeing all the friends I made there last time once more, just to hang out and geek out about fannish stuff. It's a convention run by fans, for fans, with no celebrity guests, which keeps the prices mercifully low, and lets us have panels and round tables to discuss all of our beloved things in depth, which is one of my favourite things to do! So I'm pretty psyched about it, even though it's coming at a time when I no longer have the kind of money I thought I'd have before going, due to unexpectedly having to move and two very hefty vet bills in a three-month period. Still, I can swing it, only because I'd been carefully putting money aside for this convention since last year. I just wish this year had been less expensive.


And that's it! Things are starting to happen in my life again, so with any luck I will be around more and posting.
mousme: Two open books, one lying on top of the other at an angle (Books)
I seem to have a feast-or-famine approach to this journal. If I don't post every day, I end up not posting for weeks or months, so I try to post every day, but there inevitable comes a day like today, between two night shifts, when I have absolutely fuck-all to say. I mean, I came home early from work (yay!), slept eight hours (more yay!), and played Stardew Valley (even more yay!) until it was time for work (not yay). Not exactly thrilling, you know what I mean?

I suppose I could try to force my brain to come up with something, like, I don't know, plan out my week, or talk about the fact that I just obtained the first few trade paperbacks of The Walking Dead, but I haven't read all of them yet, so I'm holding off until I can report back. I read many of them several years ago, just before the show started airing, on the recommendation of [livejournal.com profile] bullonir , who also recommended another comic by the same creator which I quite enjoyed, Invincible. I will probably try to pick those up as well, maybe once I'm caught up on TWD. It's been interesting so far seeing the similarities and differences between the comic and the TV show, and seeing just how much my memories of the comics faded over time. It feels weird reading a story without Daryl in it, even though I knew he wasn't in the comics.

Okay. Time to get back to work. I will attempt more interesting posts next week, I promise. :)
mousme: A text icon in pale blue that reads Winter is Coming (Winter is Coming)
 I got absolutely nothing of value done today. I don't know why I'm in such a contrary mood lately, but I think it might be attributable to the fact that I had no choice but to pack and move house in the last couple of months, and now I'm in a "you can't make me!" phase as a reaction to that. Is it productive or reasonable? NOPE. But there you go.

In short, there's not much to report on. I decided to treat myself to several trade paperbacks of The Walking Dead, so that's my light reading sorted for the next couple of days, I hope. There are also a bunch of new TV shows that I want to try, as well as some that I'm not caught up on. I haven't yet watched Critical Role from last night, and I probably have a few episodes each of Criminal Minds, Elementary, and Blindspot left to watch.

Speaking of Criminal Minds, a few weeks ago I decided to give Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders a shot, and dear God, it is BAD. Not even Gary Sinise can save that Americano-centric, xenophobic piece of garbage. If any of you were planning on watching, do yourselves a favour and avoid it like the plague. I am reasonably tolerant of rah-rah-MURICA stuff when it comes to police procedurals, but this takes it to several new levels of shit sandwich, and it was way too much for me to stomach.

Oh, and on the topic of trash fires, allow me to extend my condolences to my US friends on the passing of the AHCA, in which apparently being a woman is a pre-existing condition and precludes you from getting medical insurance of any kind. I exaggerate only very slightly, which is the sad thing. I can only hope it will be heavily amended in the senate, and that in 2018 all the Republicans who voted for it will be booted out of office. If any Democrats had voted for it, I'd say boot them too, but none of them did, so. I've done most of my yelling about this on Twitter, so that's all I'll say about it here.

Back to TV! 'Cause that's way more interesting... or something. Anyway, yes, lots of new TV shows coming up: Sense8 Season 2 just landed on Netflix, and I'm pretty excited, although an Indian friend of mine has indicated that it is handling the Indian politics aspect of the show in a very worrying way. I've been trying to do my own research as a result, just so I don't come at it with a completely uncritical eye. I am pretty happy about the queer representation, but the fact that many Indian people are indicating that it appears to be supportive of far-right religious extremist politics in India means that the queer representation should not give it a pass.

 Less politically worrying (thus far) is American Gods. I loooooved the book by Neil Gaiman when I read it, and so I really hope that the show will be just as good. The casting appears fantastic, anyway. The same goes for The Dark Tower series (Idris Elba, y;all!). Both of those have either just started or are scheduled to start soon, I'll have to check the dates to be sure. Of course, there's also The Handmaid's Tale, another book I loved (even though it made me want to slit my wrists), but I may need to watch that with a lot of alcohol, given the current political climate.

My summer popcorn shows are coming back, too! Killjoys is coming back for Season 3, and Wynonna Earp, which I just discovered a few weeks ago, is getting a Season 2! They're from the same Canadian showrunner, the one who brought us Lost Girl, and they both do well as low(ish) budget genre TV, with good overall representation and quirky, fun writing. I am looking forward to seeing the stories unfold!

And now, work calls. I'll be working night shifts all weekend. Whee.

Whoops!

May. 4th, 2017 06:35 pm
mousme: A text icon, dark green text on pale green, that reads There is no normal life. There's just life. (No Normal Life)
 I ended up not coming back to my post, and now it's Thursday.

I will not, alas, be staying up for Critical Role tonight, because it's 18:30 and I can barely keep my eyes open. Better to go to bed early and watch tomorrow, when I'm fresh. Otherwise I'll just end up nodding off during the show and missing all the important stuff anyway. I'm pretty excited, because Vox Machina are all at Level 17 and above now, which means their story is ramping up toward the End Game of Level 20, and I can't wait to see what Matt has in store for them!

I've been lured into a new video game called Stardew Valley by [livejournal.com profile] fearsclave , who is responsible for so many of my bad habits that I have truly lost count. It's a fun little game, although I'm finding certain aspects a little frustrating. I spent a couple of days obsessing about it, and then I had to work, which generally put the kibosh on most of my extra-curricular activities anyway. I may go back to it tonight, or maybe tomorrow morning, depending on how soon I decide to be boring and go to bed.

Otherwise, life proceeds as usual. I have done no unpacking since the weekend, when my parents visited, and I should probably get on that. Living out of half-opened boxes ain't all it's cracked up to be, but I'm also a terrible procrastinator, and apparently I'm willing to put up with a lot of inconvenience to avoid unpacking properly.

I promised myself I'd be doing more in May, and yet this week I have been a mix of mysteriously extra tired and also pretty busy, video games aside. I'm still not settled into anything remotely like a routine here, inasmuch as I am able to have routines in my life at all these days. There's a lot of upheaval at work again: more people leaving, a couple of new people coming in, but more going than coming, and so now I'm probably going to have to go back to training newbies, which I really don't enjoy. Bleh.

I also am kind of dipping my toe into paying closer attention to hockey. Yeah, I don't understand it either, but there you go. My home team are out of the playoffs ("No, Habs, no!") but my not-quite-home team, the Senators, are still in it for now, so I'm rooting for them. Many, if not most of my online friends are Penguins fans, and although I can't quite bring myself to root for an American team, Sidney Crosby is at least Canadian and is, I must say, pretty magical on the ice. So it's fun to watch my Pens friends get all excited about their boys.

Okay. My brain has officially turned to mush tonight. Time to give it a rest. :)
mousme: A text icon, dark green text on pale green, that reads There is no normal life. There's just life. (No Normal Life)
 I'm keeping my friend L. company at her house today. Readers who've been with me since January will remember that she and her partner L. are the targets of neighbourhood harassment, so on Tuesdays I go hang out at their place in order for L. to get some work done in peace. 
 
This week the neighbours across the street appear to be away on holiday, which means they're getting a But of a break. Not a full break, because the back neighbour is still driving by about 8 times a day, and the other neighbours are still around as well, but as L. said: "At least they're not playing chicken with us every time we leave the house."
 
I got a late start this morning, and only brought my phone, so I'm typing this entry in Chrome, hoping it'll work. So far so good. Unfortunately, the Dreamwidth window is at once tiny but still too big for my phone, so seeing what I'm typing is a bit of a challenge. I won't be making a habit of posting from here, that's for sure. 
 
I need to remember to write down my dreams. I had a really cool one the night before last about opening up some kind of craft store with <lj user="miseri"/>. We were in a kind of permanent renfaire set-up, with tents all around, and in the dream my plan was to start selling clay--somethings? I recall I wanted them to have pseudo-medieval fantasy designs, and that I thought maybe D&D players could use them to hold their dice or as dice towers. Dream logic, basically. I wasn't worried in the slightest that I'd never worked with clay before: I was confident that I'd pick it up in no time, and was really excited not to have to go back to my old job. 
 
I've forgotten most of last night's dreams, unfortunately. I remember only bits and pieces that I won't be able to put into a coherent narrative here. It's too bad, because I think they were pretty interesting. Oh well. 

Hm. I've hit the limit of Dreamwidth. Apparently I can't scroll past a certain point, so I can no longer see what I'm typing. This is suboptimal. I'll continue this after from home. 


 



New Leaf

May. 1st, 2017 08:48 am
mousme: The face of a green woman forest deity against a black background (Green Woman)
 I am not going to even try to catch up on the last few months. Well, I might, but it will likely end up in bullet point form. ;) I'm going to try to get back into my good habits of posting every day, or most days of the week, at least. There may be some hiccups on days when I'm extra busy, but I was doing pretty well up until two months ago.

I finished the Move That Would Not End yesterday, after weeks of moving small things and running into minor problem after minor problem. I am swimming in an ocean of unpacked boxes, but my parents came to visit this weekend and helped me unpack about 75% of the kitchen, which is fantastic. So I can now at least make myself a cup of tea in the morning, and I can see my whole kitchen! I have stuff all over the counters which needs to be sorted out, because my new kitchen is WAY smaller than my old one, but at least I've got the basics down.

Yesterday the old house got professionally cleaned, and I took video of the house before I left, and photos of one room because I ran out of space on my phone for video. Bah. This morning I was extra vindicated because I found some old photos of the dog I took when I first moved in in 2014, and those photos show the stain on the floor my landlady claims I made. So now I have *proof* that the "damage" wasn't done by me. I mean, I knew that it wasn't me, but the gaslighting was starting to take a toll after all that time. Anyway, I dropped the keys in the mailbox, and Cruella de Froot Loops, as [personal profile] blackmare  has dubbed her, should forever be out of the picture. Hurray!

I quite like my new house, overall. The one disappointment is that my sofa bed didn't fit in the stairs, and thus can't go in the house. I have decided to donate it to a refugee organization. Hopefully they will be able to make good use of it. I am pretty disappointed, because it was a good sofa, and now I have nowhere for my guests to sleep if I invite them over. I haemorrhaged money these past few months due to the move (moving by yourself is an expensive proposition folks: take it from me, don't be single and mostly by yourself in a strange city), so I can't afford to buy a new bed just yet. My parents have made noises about giving me the two single beds they have in storage, but that would mean moving them from Montreal, and I'm not sure it's worth the cost, honestly. We'll see.

I don't know if I mentioned it, but the adoption-from-foster-care plan is in the toilet, mostly due to my landlady. The CAS wants a stable environment, and apparently moving house makes me unstable. Also, my case worker, after being AWOL for nine months and never answering my emails or phone messages, took exception to the fact that it took me several days to answer one email and decided that I wasn't fast enough for her liking, so they've closed my file. It's not permanently closed, as she told me to reapply in a few years, but I think maybe it's a sign it wasn't meant to be. I've had a bad feeling from her from the start, and I strongly suspect she was just looking for a reason not to accept me as a candidate and just couldn't find a good enough one until now.

I'm going to give myself some time to recover from the financial shock of moving (it was a doozy this year, for several reasons), and then look into other avenues. I think I can still make a great parent, regardless of what CAS thinks. Private adoption is an option, but a very expensive one for a person on a single income. Or there's always artificial insemination, which is also expensive but far less so. The thing with that is by the time I'll be ready to start, I'll be 39, and that's kind of old for a safe pregnancy. It worries me quite a bit.

Since that Big Life Plan™ is on hold for now, I'm looking at smaller plans for the upcoming summer. The move meant I didn't get to start any seedlings, so I'll be buying my plants again this year. I don't know anyone local who has spare seedlings. Hell, I barely know anyone local. I can count the people I know on my fingers and have some left over, and 90% of those are married couples. I should probably feel bad that I have so few friends, but if I had more friends I'd just feel bad that I can't see them most of the time due to work. So that's some consolation. ;)

Anyway, I still have my plot at Vanier Community Garden, and I'm going to hang onto it for as long as I can. I can still get there easily from work, so I can pop by when I'm working, and it's a 20 minute drive otherwise, which is totally doable. I need to be more vigilant about going every day this year, because last year all my edible produce got stolen, and the rest died, which was very sad. Of course, this year I'm not suffering from massive burnout, so I'm cautiously optimistic that I'll be better about things.

I'm also going to try to start writing again. This is probably a terrible idea, but there you go. I haven't written much in well over three years, and what little I do write is basically garbage, but I have this fleeting hope that maybe someday I won't write garbage anymore. I'm going to start out small, maybe 100 words or 10-15 minutes a day. I have some ideas for original fiction, since I haven't yet found a fandom that's making me want to write the way my old fandoms did. I miss having a fandom to be super excited about, frankly, and I hope I can find a new one soonish.

Last but not least (for now, anyway), my trip to Paris has served to remind me how much I love travelling. So I have decided to start putting money aside each year for a trip somewhere. I adored by weekend foray into Scotland, so the plan next year is to go back there and do some more thorough exploring. Two days wasn't nearly enough, if you ask me.

Okay, I think that's it for today. Catch you all later!
mousme: A picture of Wol from Winnie the Pooh, holding a note that reads "Gon Out. Backson. Bizy. Backson." (Back Soon)
I'm moving this Friday, and between that and work and other stuff I just haven't had the wherewithal to post to LJ or DW. I will make it up to you all, I promise!

I'm still reading everyone's entries, so at least there's that. Sorry for the relative radio silence, things will be better in May. 
mousme: A text icon, dark green text on pale green, that reads There is no normal life. There's just life. (No Normal Life)
 I'm still here. Sorry for the radio silence. I had an AMAZING trip, and while I was there I was mostly too busy running around Paris and Edinburgh to actually write about what I was doing, and then I got back and was immediately super depressed about not being in Europe anymore and thus didn't update either.

I promise to try to do better in the future. I go back to work tomorrow, and my levels of "I don't wanna!" have reached the stratosphere by now. I'm also in the throes of trying to find a moving company and packing before the end of the month, and things are a tad stressful right now. I'm hoping to get everything pulled together with

Please let me know if I missed anything super crucial in your lives, LJ!

Oh, also, I am not leaving LJ, but in case it implodes after this latest bit of shady business, you can find me on Dreamwidth under the same name.

Also, for people who are on Twitter, you can find me there as @ratherastory. I tweet quite a lot, and it tends to be in the form of yelling about social justice issues, fandom stuff, and sometimes live tweeting shows or movies. Follow me at your peril! ;)

:::ETA::: Okay, cross-posting from DW appears to have weirdly hard-coded a different font into my post, and I can't fix it. Sorry!


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mousme: A view of a woman's legs from behind, wearing knee-high rainbow socks. The rest of the picture is black and white. (Default)
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