mousme: A turquoise twenty-sided die that has landed on "1." The caption reads: "Shit." (Natural One)
The house buying nightmares continue.

I have my financial ducks almost in a row. Almost. And now, the ducks are scattering again.

I spoke to my mortgage/credit union guy (Wafik) on Thursday. He was very understanding while I panicked at him, and he promised that if I could get all the money transferred to my new checking account by Monday, he would personally oversee getting the transfer expedited/waiving the usual hold on funds, and ensure I get the bank draft I need to give the lawyer on Monday.

So I moved heaven and earth to get everything done, and I did. I got the last of the money transferred on Friday evening, and received the usual warnings about the time it could take to get it all done. In light of this, I decided to send Wafik an email today (originally I was going to wait until tomorrow but then I worried I'd forget or send it too late or something) as a follow-up about our conversation and to confirm that all was well. And that's how I discovered he has an out of office message saying he'll be back on Wednesday.

Notice how Wednesday is not Monday? Yeah, me too.

So I have been quietly having a panic attack at my desk all morning. I am not prone to panic attacks, but I am pretty sure the chest pain and palpitations are exactly that, because there's no other good reason for it (and it started the minute I got the out of office message, so it's not a coincidence). I am accustomed to a constant low-level buzz of anxiety, but it doesn't usually manifest in this kind of physical symptoms. I cannot say I am enjoying the experience.

There is absolutely fuck-all I can do about this situation today, because it is Sunday, and nothing is open. My deadline is tomorrow, and if Wafik is not in the office to do the thing he promised he'd do, then I am fucked six ways to next Sunday. So the only thing I can do for the next 19 hours or so is panic quietly. Tomorrow I plan to call him first thing in the morning, and if he doesn't pick up his phone, my backup plan is to call my original mortgage advisor (I don't think that's her actual title, but I don't know it so this will suffice) Peggy and very politely weep at her until she finds someone local to help me. See, Peggy, unlike Wafik, is NOT local, but lives somewhere around Barrie, ON, so it means that even if she wanted to help me, she cannot physically place a bank draft in my hands.

*rips out hair*

*internal screaming*

I honestly thought that the financial part of the nightmare was over and that I just had to deal with the sellers' shenanigans, for which my lawyer has a plan. But now the person who committed to helping me has just swanned off without even the courtesy of letting me know, so fuck me, I guess. I have already spent so much money on this move on packing supplies and on the packing help, the house is halfway packed up, and I have abandoned my plot in the community garden so that if we don't move, I can't grow vegetables this summer and all the plants I ordered are going to die. Not to mention the crushing disappointment of losing out on a dream property literally five days before we're meant to move in.

FUCK.

mousme: A text icon in black text on yellow that reads The avalanche has started, it is too late for the pebbles to vote (Avalanche)
 Well, the good-ish news is that I think I've got a good chance of getting all my financial ducks in a row by Monday. A whole bunch of people have pulled together at various financial institutions to help me make this happen, and so while it's not guaranteed/a done deal, I have done everything within my power to make it a reality. I am reasonably confident it will work out.

So, yay for that!

Unfortunately, that's where the good news ends. I went to see my real estate lawyer to sign all the paperwork for the closing on Monday, and got some more bad news.

It turns out that the sellers are leveraged up to their eyeballs. They have two mortgages on the property, neither of which have been paid at all, and they conveniently did not disclose that the central A/C unit they supposedly own is not actually paid for, and the property has a lien on it as a result. None of this is a problem per se, because the sale agreement stipulates that I am not responsible for any liens on the property. However, they and/or their lawyer have not provided all the proper legal documentation that stipulates that they are taking responsibility for the lien and all of the debt. Without those documents, I can't sign the closing on the house because I'd run the chance of taking on the liability, which I do not want at all, no thank you.

The sellers have until Monday (the official closing date) to produce said documentation. If they don't, we're in a bit of trouble. My lawyer has said we can close on Tuesday at the latest. Otherwise, she will petition for occupancy if they don't cough up the paperwork, meaning KK and I can move in on Friday as planned, but we will not own the house until such time as all the paperwork is in order. If we don't get occupancy, in theory the sellers would be on the hook for any expenses we incur while we don't move (like needing to live in a hotel, putting our stuff in storage, etc.), but my lawyer rightfully pointed out that, given the sellers' financial status, "you can't get water from a stone."

Blargh.

It feels like the universe is trying to shave several decades out of my life from sheer anxiety. Weirdly, I am less stressed out about this than I was about the financial bullshit that happened yesterday. Finances are a big red panic button issue for me, but legal documentation doesn't appear to fall into the same category. I won't know until Monday if the sellers have produced all the necessary documentation, so I guess I get to worry about it all weekend. Hurray.

Okay. Time to go feed and water the quail, and then head to bed, since I'm working all weekend. Catch you on the flip side, friends!
mousme: A text icon in pale blue that reads Winter is Coming (Winter is Coming)
I am very grumpy about having to get up early to go to the credit union to sign all my mortgage paperwork. The experience wasn't terrible, but it didn't have much going for it. First I got caught in long weekend rush hour traffic on my way there, and arrived exactly on the nose, only to get very turned around because not a single solitary door had a number or a label on it. It turned out the office wasn't even accessible from the main building lobby, it had a separate entrance at the back of the building. I had to call the representative for directions, and he came to get me.

The representative was very nice, but he had not anticipated having the kind of client who carefully reads all documentation before signing it, so it took a lot longer to get through the appointment than the time he'd budgeted. I regret nothing. ;) However, there was a glitch in the computer system when it came time to sign up for the insurance portion of the mortgage, and there was no way to fix it, since the automated system had gone into "weekend mode" (his term) and there was no one from IT available outside of office hours. So in order not to delay the payout of the mortgage I had to waive the insurance portion, which makes me very uncomfy, but the representative assured me that we can fix that next week.

All in all, I did not enjoy the process.

I've been mostly talking about my own problems here lately, but the world continues to be on fire. Carney, our new Prime Minister, went on an official visit to the White House last week, and to all appearances held his own with a fair bit of aplomb. There was an entertaining amount of Canadian passive-aggressiveness, some very amusing side-eyes at the camera, and lots of backhanded compliments that Trump took completely at face value. 

I still have a lot of doubts about Carney. His focus has been mostly on the economy and fixing the housing crisis, and he's pledged to massively increase defense spending and car manufacturing, and needless to say, I don't share those priorities, especially not car manufacturing. Given the current climate change crisis, we should be moving well away from cars and investing in robust public transit and 15-minute accessible cities. But noooo, cars uber alles, I guess. Ugh. He's also eliminated the cabinet positions devoted to people with disabilities and women and gender equality issues, which is a huge step back for the country, especially given the meagre progress we've made on that front to begin with. I am really unimpressed with that.

At least India and Pakistan appear to have backed off plunging the entire world into nuclear winter. The USA continues its horrendous slide into fascism, with the firing of the Librarian of Congress (the first black woman to ever occupy the post, appointed by Obama, back when the world still seemed sane), ICE grabbing people off the streets and leaving their minor children stranded there, and DOGE continuing to wreak havoc across all government departments.

Watching the USA go down like this feels a little like watching a friend who was always a little unstable succumb to a drug addiction. You always worried about them in the past, and now you're worried that not only are they going to self-destruct, they're going to take you down with them and burn your house down too for good measure.

*sigh*

I am really looking forward to my bed. I have about four and a half hours before my shift is over, and I do want to stop at the local U-Haul store (luckily a five-minute drive from my house) and pick up more boxes, because Monday is a statutory holiday and I won't be able to get them then. And then I plan to do all the sleeping.

I think that's it for now. Catch you on the flip side, friends!
mousme: The silhouettes from MST3K with the written caption Oscar Wilde only wished he was this gay (Oscar Wilde)
You know, if all that was required of me to be successful in life was making plans, I would be acing this whole "being a successful human" thing. I love making plans, the more detailed, the better. The problem, of course, is that to actually succeed at things, you have to enact said plans, and that is where everything kind of falls apart for me.

KK kind of falls into the same category as me, and we are pretty terrible about enabling each other at making plans and then following through on maybe 10% of them. To be fair, it's a lot of fun to make plans, and I don't mind too much if all the low-stakes, castles-in-Spain plans don't come to fruition. It's actually really fun to talk about these things and throw ideas back and forth and build it up in our imaginations. I don't know if she is quite as aware as I am that our reach might exceed our grasp in a lot of cases, but I suspect she is.

I am also well aware of my propensity to make grand plans to completely turn my life around while I'm working night shifts (I talked about in in a previous post a few weeks ago, during another round of night shifts), and I have just come to accept it as one of my brain's quirky little ways of generating dopamine, so I just let it happen now and try not to convince myself that this time will totally be different, no, really! As long as I can accept that this is just an exercise in making my brain go *brrrt*, and that I have no expectations of actually doing anything about it, then it's a harmless little pastime during slower night shifts.

Right now I am trying to make sensible plans for packing up the house next week. Working 12-hour shifts this weekend means I won't get anything done, and there is no sense in deluding myself into thinking that I will somehow manage to do anything other than sleep and go to work. My current ambitious plan is to try to get a lot of packing done on Monday, when normally I'd spend a chunk of the day sleeping after my night shift. Don't get me wrong, I will still sleep when I get home, but it will be more of a two-hour power nap and then I'll aim to go to bed very early as a way of shifting over my sleep schedule as quickly as possible.

Tuesday through Thursday I've hired the professional organizer I had hired back in... March? I think? *checks calendar* Nope, first week of April. ANYWAY. I have hired her to come for six hours a day to help me pack up the garage and, if there's enough time, the basement. I am reasonably confident that I can pack up the upstairs on my own (minus KK's room and bathroom), and if I have friends able and willing to help pack the kitchen and dining room, that will also be really helpful. I might be able to do it on my own, but only time will tell.

So far most of the coworkers I have asked for a shift switch have said no, which is sad but not unexpected. I have two coworkers left who might be able to help me out. One is coming in for a shift today, and the other won't be in until Monday, so if the first one says no I'll just have to log into my email account from home to see if the second is willing to take one for the team. He very well might, since I agreed to swap weekends with him back in November so he could take his wife to go see Taylor Swift in Toronto, but it will of course be dependent on whether he has other commitments lined up already. Getting the weekend off to pack would be ideal, but if I can't get it, I will cope.

I have set one boundary with regards to the packing with KK, and that's that I expect her to pack up her own shit. I am by far the more able-bodied of the two of us, so I don't mind that I'm probably going to end up packing up most of the house on my own. I need her to still be physically functional by the time moving day arrives, so I'm perfectly willing to take that on. What I am not willing to take on, however, is packing up her office or her bedroom or her bathroom. Those three rooms are all on her, and I told her that many weeks ago. Like me, she hasn't started packing yet, but I don't plan on bailing her out at the last minute. Whatever she hasn't packed is just going to get left behind, and she can figure out how to get it delivered to the house. The chances of her not being ready in time are not super high, but they're also not zero, either. But I can't be responsible for myself, the whole house, the pets, AND her stuff. So she gets to be responsible for that.

Somewhere in the next ten days I am going to lose at least half a day to attend the closing for the house. I haven't heard from the lawyer, come to think of it, so I'll shoot them an email to make sure everything is still good on that front, or if they need more information from me or something. Great. Another thing to be paranoid about. Well, at least it should be a relatively easy fix, and it's 10 days before my official closing date (and more than one business week), so hopefully there's nothing to worry about. Anyway, I assume the closing will be done at the lawyer's office in Cornwall, so I'll have to drive out there and back, and even if it takes an hour or less to sign all the paperwork, it means at least a three hour trip, possibly longer.

I think it's still doable, God help me. I may just be deluding myself, but I am an incurable optimist when it comes to these things. I guess we'll find out!

All right, time to close out this night shift. I have a little over two hours left before I can go home and get some sleep. Catch you on the flip side, friends!

mousme: A text icon that reads: "When the sun has set, no candle can replace it." (Sun has set)
 I have spent all of this shift halfway convinced that it's my third night shift instead of my second. I think it's the fact that I've already been working for nine days straight that makes it feel like it's later in the week than it actually is. I still have five more nights to go, including the 12-hour weekend shifts. I am not really looking forward to any of it, but it is what it is.

I managed to get about six hours of sleep and probably would have slept longer had I not had to get up early for my therapy appointment. I have made the grievous error of agreeing to multiple meetings and appointments this week. I keep trying to not schedule stuff during my evening and night shifts, and I keep failing abysmally. It's just never a good idea, but sometimes there just isn't another choice. Alas.

So later today I have a meeting with tow members of Ministry & Counsel about a small worship group one of them wants to start centered around chronic illness, and on Friday I am going to my new credit union to sign my life away in order to qualify for a reduced interest rate on my new mortgage. Okay, I exaggerate slightly for effect, but essentially I have to switch over to a checking account with the credit union and have my pay direct deposited there in order to qualify.

I've sent out feelers to my coworkers to see if anyone will trade my weekend day shifts in 10 days with me. Getting the weekend off to be able to focus on packing would be a godsend, but I'm not going to hold my breath. People are pretty accommodating at my workplace, but we're getting into summer vacation time and people are a busier with kids and commitments and stuff. Fingers crossed, anyway.

Okay. Time to wrap this up. Catch you on the flip side, friends!


mousme: A text icon in pale blue that reads Winter is Coming (Winter is Coming)
I didn't get a nap in before I had to go to work, and now I am extremely tired and my head hurts. My back also hurts, but that's because I changed out the quail enclosures and then wrangled cats and dogs to the vet, not because I didn't nap. I wish napping fixed back pain, honestly, it would make my life so much easier. I am very sad that I didn't get to nap. I feel like a nap would have made everything a lot more tolerable.

I didn't get any packing done, either. I know: surprise, surprise. I am my own worst enemy these days. Even if I get some packing done this week while I'm on night shifts, I'm definitely going to have to rely on adrenaline-fueled panic in the two weeks before we move. I think I can get it done, but it's going to be a stressful time, for sure.

I am still torn about whether or not to bring some of my furniture with me. I think there simply isn't enough room for most of my bedroom furniture, even with a Murphy bed installed. Part of me wants to bring it anyway and store it in the garage, because eventually I want to tear down the garage (the home inspector said it will need to come down in a few years no matter what) and build what would essentially be an extension to the house. More to the point, I want to build out some extra independent living space just in case one or both of my parents ends up needing to come live with us. So I was thinking an extra bedroom or two, a bathroom, and either a kitchenette or a kitchen, depending on space and how much it would all cost. I obviously don't have the money now (especially not now that my cats need dental surgery), but I am being given a HELOC (Home Equity Line of Credit) to accompany the house, and I might be able to use it for the construction costs. I definitely can't afford to build an entire new house, but something simple might well be doable. I'll have to look into what permits I'd need and what is and isn't allowed on the property, of course, but I like this plan. Of course, we all know what happens to the best-laid plans of mice and men...

Speaking of the cats' dental surgery, I have a sneaking suspicion that we're going to have to switch all the cats over to wet food, at least in part. The vet said he wouldn't make recommendations for food until after the surgery, since we don't know how many teeth are going to need to come out, but even so, adding wet food is probably a good idea. Of course, that is going to be wildly expensive, so I am thinking of starting some rabbit breeding ahead of schedule (I was going to start next year) and use the meat and organs as a base to make my own raw/wet food for the cats. I'll have to consult with my vet to see how complicated the nutrition aspect is for cats (I have heard horror stories about people feeding their pets inadequate "raw food" diets) so that I don't accidentally deprive them of essential nutrients.

I feel like I had more I wanted to post about, but my brain is kind of mush right now, so I guess I'll call it here and hope I remember whatever it was later on today.

Catch you on the flip side, folks!
mousme: A view of a woman's legs from behind, wearing knee-high rainbow socks. The rest of the picture is black and white. (Default)
Yes, I am absolutely writing this post during my work hours. Shh. More seriously, I don't think my boss cares particularly what I do as long as my work gets completed promptly and accurately, so I'm safe on that front. Today so far hasn't been a super busy day. Currently the only important thing going on is some ongoing tests for a distress alert on a specific vessel, and while that requires me to be responsive, it's not particularly labour intensive. I am most of the way through my shift, and rather looking forward to going home. 

I'm writing my update early today in the hopes of shaving off the time spent on it in the evening. Yesterday, after I finished writing I went upstairs and got sort of waylaid by KK who had approximately seven thousand things she wanted to discuss, and the next thing I knew it was 11:30pm and all my good intentions about going to bed early had gone out the window. KK is very much a night owl, but I am not, and I cannot function on that little sleep. To be fair, neither can she, but she has fewer negative consequences for it than I do. For instance, her workplace is pretty tolerant of her taking a mid-work nap, whereas where I work we don't even get a lunch break. If she oversleeps then she can choose to work from home that day and make it up another day, but I have people waiting for me to take over their operations desk, so I can't afford to oversleep or be late.

So I am trying to lessen the number of things to do right before bed, and updating my little daily blog is one of them. I still want to keep writing a little bit every day, so really it will just depend on what else I have going on that day: what shift I'm working, what other errands and chores I have planned, etc. I have technically broken my streak once, on the Saturday I got the quail, and that's only because I got home so late and then had to set up the quail in their new home, that by the time I got around to updating it was already technically Sunday. Oops. I decided that didn't count, because in shift-work logic, it's not the next day until you've gone to sleep and woken up again. :P

The second night with the CPAP went a little less well. I was perhaps a bit less tired than the day before, due to working from home, and so I was more aware of the mask being on my face during the night. The head strap was also a little loose and kept shifting up on my head, so I awoke a couple of times to pull it back down. Overall, though, the night went by fine, and tonight I will tighten the strap and hope it dos the trick. The CPAP noted that I had something like 1.2 events per hour, which is even better than yesterday, so I'm counting it a win.

I have lost the habit of meal planning for the week, and really need to start that up again. I don't have a plan for tonight yet. I am going to skip making ground chicken to spare me and KK the same thing for a million days in a row, but otherwise I haven't thought it through at all.  I'm sure I'll be able to come up with something on the fly, but I saved myself a lot of time and hassle and mental bandwidth by planning ahead. I also have a lot of stuff in our freezers I'd like to get through before we move, so that I don't have to worry about moving that much frozen food over a long distance on the same day. I will have to especially focus on the large chest freezer and see what I can get rid of in there (there are a few things KK brought with her that I've never touched that I'm pretty sure she's forgotten about entirely) and what I can cook up in the next few weeks so that I can then empty it completely and then defrost it in anticipation of the move. We won't be able to get through everything that's in all the chest freezers, because I purposefully built up our food reserves to last for three to four months, but I think I can get it to a more manageable level for the move.

I am determined to find a ladder and get over myself about packing for the move this weekend. I've been meaning to pack the living room area for a week now, and keep not doing it, so I'm changing tactics. This weekend I shall pack up the basement, or as much of it as I can humanly manage. The good news is that a lot of it is already in Rubbermaid bins, so realistically all I have to do is label them and stack them neatly. I plan on dismantling most of the shelving, and getting as much of it squared away in order to make room for more packing boxes. The only thing I won't be able to pack away right off is my computer and computer desk, and the latter won't fit in the new house. I don't know yet if I'm going to try to hang onto it and maybe set it up in the little workshop area, or if I should sell it or give it away. It's pretty new (I got it in 2021) and it's a really good computer desk. However, it won't fit in my new bedroom (again, 9 feet by 9 feet is not the most spacious of areas), even if I install a Murphy bed. I may be absolutely crazy, but I could try installing an adult-appropriate loft bed (i.e. one that won't break my back and has some sort of shelf system that would serve as a night stand), but then that would definitely preclude having my parents overnight. With even a double Murphy bed I can give them my room for the night and sleep on a cot in the living room, but most loft beds are twin sized, and my 87 year old mother with a a bad hip certainly can't manage a ladder or steps even if did find one that was a size or two larger.

Argh. Logistics.

In a few years I would like to build a "Bunkie" on the property, which is basically a glorified shed, and I'd probably turn that either into guest quarters or into a home office for myself, but that's a pretty big purchase and certainly not one I can afford right now. So the problem of the desk remains. I may be able to wrap it securely in plastic and store it in the garage for that mythical future date when I can use it again, which is a decision unto itself. Am I just hoarding, or am I hanging onto an item with genuine future use? WHO KNOWS. The same desk costs about twice as much now as when I bought it thanks to inflation, and now that tariffs and trade wars are happening, that new price may double or even triple by the time I would buy another desk, and it might not be as good. Am I just dealing with a scarcity mindset or being fiscally prudent? GOOD QUESTION.

So, yes, welcome to Thinking About Packing With Phnee. It's like packing, only a lot less productive and lot more anxiety-ridden. :P

Okay, time to get back to work. Catch you on the flip side, friends!
mousme: A text icon, dark green text on pale green, that reads There is no normal life. There's just life. (No Normal Life)
Everything is settled about the house purchase except for the infamous desktop appraisal, and of course everything hinges on that. If it doesn't come back in my favour that may scuttle my chances of purchasing the home entirely. Given how late it is today, I doubt I'll hear back before tomorrow. The deadline is tomorrow at the end of the day (either end of business or 8pm, my real estate agent couldn't remember which), but the external company isn't obligated to stick to my deadline, because it's more of a me problem than a them problem. My only role is to pay them money, it would seem, and keep my fingers crossed that they provide an answer in time (and really hope it works out in my favour).

So I just have to wait for another 24 hours. God, I hate waiting so much, especially for big things like this. I am really bad at uncertainty.

There was a mix-up at the hair salon with my online reservation for an appointment, so I will have to continue dealing with my hair looking like someone took a weed whacker to it for a few more weeks at least. Boo. I suppose it's not a bad thing, since I have spent most of my available money on house hunting stuff.

What they don't tell you when you're buying a house is just how many extra expenses there are before, during, and right after the purchase. There's a deposit for the house (not the same as a down payment) to provide along with an accepted offer, building inspectors, surprise desktop appraisals, then the actual purchase of the home, lawyers' fees, closing costs, moving costs, the welcome tax, and then a score of smaller costs as you try to fill in the gaps in equipment needed for the maintenance of your home.

Anyway, today was a reasonably productive day. I got up at a halfway reasonable hour in order to get out to a local feed store to get quail feed and suitable bedding in the form of pine chips. The quail are very happy with their new bedding, and are just as enthusiastic about the new food as they were about the old food, so it's hard to say if they like it the same or more. I also got them a small lamp with a bulb that mimics daylight, and KK pulled out an extra timer she had in her room, so now the quail can get a lot more light during the day, and a little bit of light even if I forget to turn on the main overhead light (or oversleep one day). I'm glad I have them settled in with more appropriate food: quail need more protein than you typically get in chicken layer feed, so I didn't want to keep them waiting longer than absolutely necessary. They are super cute, and a lot more active now that they've had a chance to settle in. I hope to get some eggs once all the stress they underwent for the auction and subsequent move to my house goes away.

In related news, I will require supervision the next time I go to Ritchie's Feed & Seed Garden Centre. There is everything there that an aspiring homesteader could want, including beginner bee hives! I just got the quail, so even if we do get the property I won't be adding any new livestock to the equation until I'm confident I can adequately care for the animals I have, even on a bad day. The bad days have to be my bar, not my good days, because even on a bad day all the animals will need to be fed and watered and potentially have their living spaces cleared out, so I have to be absolutely sure they won't be neglected. That being said, I have a long list of critters I'd like to get, supposing that we're able to purchase this property. Probably more than I would ever be able to manage, but my goodness I want them. XD

I am still spectacularly tired. I've had next to no break for two weeks now, because I scheduled the professional organizer in on all my days off last week, and then I had the bird auction and other sundries on Saturday, and yesterday of course was the mostly impromptu trip to Montreal. So I've had some very long and very busy days. The plan is to go to bed as early as possible tonight to try to get myself back on track, sleep-wise. I'm going to my follow-up appointment for the sleep study in exactly one week, which is pretty exciting. I am hopeful there will be better quality sleep and therefore more energy and better health really soon!

If the house purchase goes through (and it's anybody's guess at this point, because house valuations are 100% arbitrary), then I will be spending the rest of the week making a packing plan, getting some packing supplies, and starting the packing process. We'll only have 60 days to downsize a lot of stuff from the house (and I'm guessing it will be mostly my stuff because KK doesn't like parting from her things) and pack up the rest of it, and given KK's physical limitations I think it's a safe bet that I will be doing most of the downsizing and packing. I do plan on keeping all the receipts for moving supplies and asking her to chip in for about half, and I do expect her to do her own packing when it comes to her bedroom and her office space. I think it's only fair she do that if I'm going to be packing up the entire rest of the house.

Okay, that's it for today. Time to get myself to bed. Good night, friends!
mousme: A view of a woman's legs from behind, wearing knee-high rainbow socks. The rest of the picture is black and white. (Lifetime)
Would you look at that? I am back after less than six months! Who knows if I can keep up this incredible momentum?

The best time seems to be to do this from work, even if the mighty and mysterious firewall doesn't like Dreamwidth. I need to try to remember to import my entries to DW later.

Anyway, enough of that. It's been a whole week since I posted, and it kind of feels like I have nothing to say. That's not entirely true, but I don't want this to become a space in which I only complain. I know, that's what I've used it for 90% of the time, why change? But in the immortal words of Jefferson Airplane: "Life is change; how it differs from the rocks," which apparently is inspired by a quote by John Wyndham in The Chrysalids. Trivia, ahoy!

My mother is going to her first radiology appointment on Monday, which she tells me is just a measurement/fitting appointment rather than actual radiation therapy, which she will start a week later. We have agreed to Skype on Tuesday if she's feeling up to it, so I will know more then about how things are.

Speaking of change, that's what I've been trying to do. Whether I've been successful is a matter for debate, for sure. I'm a little depressed at the thought that my life took a downturn after I turned 35, after nearly seven years of progressive improvement. My only serious and stable relationship tanked, I had to sell my house at a loss (and ended up in some pretty serious debt because of the relationship, from which I'm still recovering), and had to abandon my hopes of having children of my own (which I thought I'd have somewhere between 36 and 38). Then I got forced out of my home by the aptly nicknamed Cruella de Froot Loops (thank you to [livejournal.com profile] blackmare for that, which still makes me giggle), and that set me back financially quite a bit, plus vet bills for my beloved but extremely expensive Sergent. Combine this with some regression in my mental and physical health, and you also end up with a house that is, in terms of housekeeping, a goddamned embarrassment.

In short, my life right now looks nothing like what I wanted it to look like, and it's honestly pretty hard to take. I try to console myself with the idea that I am trying my best, but to quote Supernatural: "Well, do the best of somebody better!" So that's what I'm trying now. I am revising a few of the goals I had set for myself, and trying to come up with a plan that's realistic but without setting the bar too low. It's a tricky balance for me, because my brain really enjoys dreaming up things that are basically impossible for me to do, and then convincing me that no, I can totally do them! Brains lie, y'all. It's a problem.

Anyway, since I like to put my ridiculous plans on LJ, I feel that there is no reason not to do it again. Maybe this time I will break the pattern of "post plans on LJ, proceed to then completely fail at plans." (:::ETA::: This turned into something that was less plans and more "thinking out loud and processing stuff.")

Plans! Plans? Plans. )
Holy Hannah that got long! YIKES. Don't bother reading that, I rambled a lot and it's mostly for my own benefit. Here is the tl;dr:

  • I want to de-clutter, downsize my stuff, and fix up the house I'm renting.

  • I want to buy a house by the end of summer, and might be doing so with my friend & coworker, KK.

  • I'm considering fostering teenagers in the future.

  • I want to eliminate all my debt.

  • My job is stressing me the fuck out.

  • I am looking to change careers, both to get away from my management, and to work in an area that interests me more and has a more reasonable schedule.

  • I want to improve my mental and physical health, and lose weight. I don't believe that health is directly correlated to thinness, but for me better health will be achieved in the same way that I will achieve weight loss, which is diet changes and exercise.

Ta-da! Done. :)

I hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend. Catch you on the flip side!
mousme: A picture of the muppet Forgetful Jones from Sesame Street (Forgetful Jones)
 I don't know why I constantly overestimate my level of energy to get things done. I am an eternal optimist, I guess. Anyway, I got a fair bit done this week. I got 95% of my errands done (I forgot a couple of things, because I was silly and didn't make a proper list), I got a tree which I will decorate probably tomorrow evening, I had my therapy appointment and got my blood tests done this morning. All in all, it wasn't too bad.

Very, VERY boring daily stuff under the cut. )

Whoops!

May. 4th, 2017 06:35 pm
mousme: A text icon, dark green text on pale green, that reads There is no normal life. There's just life. (No Normal Life)
 I ended up not coming back to my post, and now it's Thursday.

I will not, alas, be staying up for Critical Role tonight, because it's 18:30 and I can barely keep my eyes open. Better to go to bed early and watch tomorrow, when I'm fresh. Otherwise I'll just end up nodding off during the show and missing all the important stuff anyway. I'm pretty excited, because Vox Machina are all at Level 17 and above now, which means their story is ramping up toward the End Game of Level 20, and I can't wait to see what Matt has in store for them!

I've been lured into a new video game called Stardew Valley by [livejournal.com profile] fearsclave , who is responsible for so many of my bad habits that I have truly lost count. It's a fun little game, although I'm finding certain aspects a little frustrating. I spent a couple of days obsessing about it, and then I had to work, which generally put the kibosh on most of my extra-curricular activities anyway. I may go back to it tonight, or maybe tomorrow morning, depending on how soon I decide to be boring and go to bed.

Otherwise, life proceeds as usual. I have done no unpacking since the weekend, when my parents visited, and I should probably get on that. Living out of half-opened boxes ain't all it's cracked up to be, but I'm also a terrible procrastinator, and apparently I'm willing to put up with a lot of inconvenience to avoid unpacking properly.

I promised myself I'd be doing more in May, and yet this week I have been a mix of mysteriously extra tired and also pretty busy, video games aside. I'm still not settled into anything remotely like a routine here, inasmuch as I am able to have routines in my life at all these days. There's a lot of upheaval at work again: more people leaving, a couple of new people coming in, but more going than coming, and so now I'm probably going to have to go back to training newbies, which I really don't enjoy. Bleh.

I also am kind of dipping my toe into paying closer attention to hockey. Yeah, I don't understand it either, but there you go. My home team are out of the playoffs ("No, Habs, no!") but my not-quite-home team, the Senators, are still in it for now, so I'm rooting for them. Many, if not most of my online friends are Penguins fans, and although I can't quite bring myself to root for an American team, Sidney Crosby is at least Canadian and is, I must say, pretty magical on the ice. So it's fun to watch my Pens friends get all excited about their boys.

Okay. My brain has officially turned to mush tonight. Time to give it a rest. :)
mousme: A text icon, white text on green, that reads Zathras trained in crisis management (Crisis Management)
Most of what's going on is not super interesting to the outside viewer, alas. I applied for the rental house I wanted on Friday, and I'm supposed to hear back by close of business today. It turns out that my medium credit rating is a cause for concern to prospective landlords. I mean, it's an okay rating, but due to a fuck-up over four years ago there's a thing on it that's keeping it "artificially" low (another three years to go before that black mark disappears, alas), so the manager I spoke to said he had some reservations. I tap-danced my way out of it, and the fact that I've been employed by the government for over nine years helped a lot. All that's left is for them to call my references, which, of course, includes my current landlady. YAY. I hope she doesn't fuck things up for me. Close of business (or COB, which always, always makes me snigger) is in six hours or so, maybe seven, depending on when their day ends, so everyone keep your fingers crossed.

More landlady shenanigans ensued while I was chasing all over town trying to get my application approved. I got a text message from her while I was out, saying that the reno guys were going to remove the wall between the downstairs storage space and my part of the house, and was I home so they could show me? Needless to say, my blood pressure rose about a million points, because there's nothing I'd like more than to have an entire wall missing in my house. It would mean that anyone with a key to the side door of the house would have unlimited access to my living space. Reassuring, right?

I took a detour out of my day to come home, and spoke with the reno guy. It turns out he had told my landlady that he didn't want to take out the wall and leave my living space wide open without alerting me first, as a common courtesy. If it hadn't been for him having a conscience, I wouldn't have known until I came home one day to find my wall missing. He also proposed installing a lock on a door at the bottom of my stairs (the storage space is about two feet beyond the door, behind the wall in question), so that I'd have at least something of an illusion of control. I mean, the door is made of glass, so it wouldn't afford me true privacy or safety, but anyone in that space would have to at least expend effort to get into my house. So yay for reno guys with scruples! If all goes according to plan, the lock will go on today, and the wall will come down sometime this week (although I don't know exactly when, maybe Wednesday). So at least that's resolved, for now. I even got my landlady to agree, via text message, to return my post-dated cheques to me, so that's a small victory too.

I played 7 Days to Die with my friend V. on Friday evening, and went to bed WAY too late. I knew I had to get up early the next morning for a 06:00 Skype date with my parents, after which I was meant to drive to Montreal for [livejournal.com profile] le_maistre_e 's birthday Dim Sum party. Still, because V.'s computer has been on the fritz for nearly a month, I rationalized to myself that I'd go to bed early Saturday night and make up for it then. Remember this bit, because it will come back later.

Saturday was my mother's birthday, and the Skype call was fun, if maybe a bit shorter than usual. They were expecting my aunt to come to lunch, so I actually got to see her briefly before we hung up, which was nice. She had cancer last year, and had to undergo chemo for a while. She was looking quite good, as it turns out (my mother was convinced that she'd have lost all her hair and look like a skeleton, in spite of evidence to the contrary), if a little fragile. As far as I know she's in remission now, which is good news all around.

I hopped in the car and drove to Montreal, which as usual went well until I got into the city proper, at which point the construction nightmare resumed, and I found myself threading my way through detour after detour until I got to Chinatown. The restaurant itself was on a one-way street that, unbeknownst to me, had been blocked at the end. Why unbeknownst to me? Because there was no sign saying it had been blocked off! So I had to do a U-turn and go back the wrong way up a one-lane one-way street until I managed to find an alleyway I could use to get out of there. Good times. I do not miss Montreal and its shitty traffic and its shitty street signs, let me tell you. I miss my friends and family, but I've become spoiled in Ottawa, where getting around with your car is not a logistical nightmare on the best of days.

The birthday Dim Sum was a lot of fun, as was the outing afterward for bubble tea and cheese cake. I geeked out with friends, caught up with people I hadn't seen in weeks and months, and it was all over far too soon. I did leave on time, though, and managed to get back to Ottawa without mishap. Since it was still relatively early (18:00 or so), I took a couple of hours to run some errands. I was out of milk, and I needed to pull together supplies for First Day School on Sunday (I was meant to lead again, and the first Sunday of the month is always potluck, as I think I've mentioned before).

That's when things went south. I was a little surprised when I got home that Sergent didn't immediately get up to greet me, but when I looked over he was lying quietly on his bed, so I assumed he was just continuing his nap. That was quickly put to the lie less than an hour later when I heard the unmistakable sound of nails scrabbling against the floor. When I went over to check what was happening, I found him unable to get up under his own power. Even with me helping him, he couldn't stand for long, poor puppy. I ran for my coat and boots, and then spent nearly 20 minutes maneuvering the poor dog to the car. He weighs 90 pounds these days (he always gains a bit of weight in the winter), and that's about 10 pounds more than I can deadlift, unfortunately. I just can't pick him up and carry him (I'll have to start going to the gym again or something). Luckily with some coaxing and support from me, he was able to limp to the car. I could see then that it was his front left leg that was giving him trouble, and not just weakness in his hindquarters. I was able to lift him into the backseat, and drove him to the nearest emergency vet (which, luckily, is about five minutes from my house), where the vet tech and the assistant got a stretcher for him and carried him inside.

Once there he was sort of able to stand for a little bit, long enough for them to weigh him (which is why I know exactly how much he weighs right now) and for him to then poop all over their floor (oops). An examination revealed him to have a fever on top of the mystery leg injury. So $900 later we had bloodworm and an x-ray done, all of which led the vet to the inevitable conclusion of "We're not really sure." Nice to know that Sergent's streak of mystery ailments continues unbroken. :P They pumped him full of hydropmorphone in order to perform the x-rays, and he spent the rest of the night stoned out of his gourd. It was actually pretty funny, amidst the rest of the shit show that was that whole night. We spent nearly an hour in a nice quiet room with a leather sofa while he recovered a bit (he lay on the sofa, lucky dog, but also had diarrhea all over it, which was maybe less ideal), and after two and a half hours total spent at the vet's they loaded him back into the car, and I drove him home.

The story doesn't end there, alas. I couldn't get him out of the car at all once we were home. He refused to stand up under his own power, and I couldn't get the proper leverage to lift him out on my own. I wasn't sure if this was the result of the hydromorphone (he was still pretty loopy) or a combination of that and his leg injury. Either way, I could not get him to budge. So, I decided to wait and see if, when the narcotics wore off, he'd be more willing to come with me. Long story short, we slept in the car. Let me tell you, sleeping in your car is overrated. For one, Sergent picked the coldest day of the week to need to spend the night in the car, so I had to run the engine quite a bit to keep us (mostly me, probably) both warm, and I was really worried that someone would come across the still-running car and report me (for what, I don't know, but I was overtired). 

Anyway, morning broke, and Sergent still wouldn't get up, so back we went to the emergency vet. I wrote an email to the First Day School volunteers, and thank goodness they agreed to pinch hit for me, because I was a bit of a wreck by then. The same assistant and a new tech carried Sergent back inside, and we got seen by the day vet. It took all three of them to get him up and moving, but by then he managed to start walking around mostly on his own. I took him out a few feet away for a pee, and the vet gave him some makeshift physiotherapy, after which we went home again. It took me another ten minutes to get him inside, but after I lifted him out of the car he was able to mostly manage the stairs on his own, which I took as an encouraging sign. I gave him his pain meds (Tramadol), and he actually asked to go back outside on his own (poor puppy still had the runs) and managed it on his own reasonably well. Then we both got a much-needed nap.

He's doing okay today. He's obviously not 100%, but he's putting a lot more weight on his leg than before, and I was able to get him to eat a little bit, at least. I think the Tramadol makes him feel nauseated, so his appetite has obviously been affected.

Once my nap was over I ended up spending the rest of the evening bookending my weekend with 7 Days to Die with V. and later my friend M., before passing out in bed at a more reasonable hour than on Friday. So, yes, the moral of that story is: don't go to bed late thinking you'll be able to make up for it the next night, because that guarantees you'll have to spend the night in the car with your sick dog. ;)

I'm scheduled for a Skype call with my parents at noon today. My father sent me a slightly panicky email about my living situation, which tells me he's even more stressed about it than I am. He said he would help me out, but I'm disappointed that the content of his message implied that all of this was actually my fault, that if only I kept the house cleaner or whatever, that I wouldn't be having trouble with my landlady. Why didn't I accept her offer? he wanted to know. Why didn't I get a house cleaner before? Why not agree to pay more money so I could stay on here? His offer to support me boiled down to "I will help you fix your fuck-up," which is not exactly the ringing endorsement I would have liked. It's disheartening to feel that, after all this time, my parents still default to the notion that if something bad has happened, it must be because I made a mess of things, and not because the other party is at fault. I constantly hear about parents these days who refused to believe that their precious darlings could ever do anything wrong, and I confess I'd like it if my parents took that stance more often. :P

In conclusion, I had an interesting weekend. Lots of ups and downs, so it's difficult to say whether it was "bad" or "good." I guess it just was.
mousme: A picture of Darth Vader, captioned My Fandom Destroys Planets. (My Fandom Destroys Planets)
My landlady has, entirely coincidentally, I'm sure, decided to do some renovations in the unused portion of the house. The portion of the house that's directly under my bedroom. They started today at 08:30, right after my first night shift was over. I've had two and a half hours of sleep, and I am ready to commit murder.

The repairmen are alternating between hammering with extreme vigour and enthusiasm on what sounds like the wall adjoining my section of the house, and hanging out directly beneath my bedroom window and chatting/swearing at top volume. I don't know why they feel compelled to yell everything to each other when they're taking their breaks (they speak at normal volume otherwise), but here we are.

I was about to despair this morning (when I was still trying in vain to sleep through the racket), because the idea of multiple weeks of no sleep during my night shifts is akin to torture. I debated whether I should look into booking a cheap hotel room (which I can ill afford right now) during my night shifts, but of course that leaves the pets unattended, which is not ideal. I'd be paying for maybe five or six hours of sleep if I also wanted to feed the pets and walk the dog and keep most of my clothes at home.

Then I remembered that the timing on this might not be all bad. Tonight is my last night shift for the week, so it means this week there wouldn't be much sleep, but next week my night shifts start on Friday. If I get very lucky, they won't work on weekends, so it means that I'll get to sleep the whole of next weekend. If they end up working on the Monday, then I'll just miss a few hours of sleep during the day, which is not nearly as bad as missing three days' worth of sleep.

After that block of shifts is over, I'm actually on vacation! I will be away in another country for a good part of that time, too, so that means the landlady asshattery should be kept to a minimum! I'm very excited.

Travel will, of course, bring its own set of (very minor) problems. Mostly I'm anxious about bringing my electronics with me on the plane, in a way I've never worried before. I'm less worried about being permanently detained (my white middle-class privilege will likely protect me from the worst indignities), but now that border services are demanding passwords to all social media, I'm kind of worried that I'll either be turned back at the border (unlikely), or that they'll confiscate my phone and/or laptop. I usually travel with both, because I enjoy having the flexibility of having my favourite communications devices with me. Also, I'm always super paranoid that someone is going to break into my house and steal my computer when I'm gone. It might not make sense, but it feels safer to have my computer where I can see it. The thing is, I can't afford to replace either my phone or my laptop if they get confiscated at the border.

So, do I leave my stuff back home and not be able to communicate at all? Or do I take it with me and run the risk? If I do take my phone and laptop with me, the plan is to log out of/erase most of my social media apps, and just keep my visible activity to a minimum. I already have a Facebook account that I've made as boring and generic as possible, and I think I can get away with telling a border guard that it's the only social media site I use. After all, everyone is on Facebook, and it's not a stretch that a woman in her late thirties/early forties wouldn't have another social media account. I don't have many friends on my decoy FB, because all of my actual, true friends are generally not fans of Trump and are very vocal about it on FB as well as everywhere else, but if a border guard just happens to scroll through, it should pass muster. I hope.

Everything else I have on the computer shouldn't be an issue, I don't think. A completely "clean" computer would be suspicious, but one that paints me as a dabbler who mostly uses it for Facebook and Skype should get me through. Don't get me wrong, I am incensed at the violation of privacy, but I'm trying to choose the lesser of two evils for now. I'm going to support legislative change to roll back the interference in citizens' privacy, especially in the grey area of border crossings, but for now I'm stuck with the system we have, and I have to navigate it as best I can without losing too much in the process. 

Possibly I am overthinking this, but that's always been one of my flaws. :)
mousme: An RCMP officer in ceremonial uniform swinging around a horizontal bar. (Maintain the Right)
I'm back to work tonight, after two days of gastro. I started feeling myself again yesterday afternoon, which was a relief, and today I'm pretty much back to normal. So that means heading back to work for my last two night shifts. I am not really looking forward to it, but I suspect that's the perma-anxiety that set in on Monday (after I spoke with my landlady) talking, and not much else. Maybe. I mean, if I won the lottery and never had to go back to work, that'd make me pretty happy too, but still, the malaise is not actually work-related.

I saw the mortgage broker today, and while the news wasn't bad per se, it also wasn't quite what I had hoped for. Basically, no matter which way I slice it, I am not quite ready to buy a house. The broker estimates I could probably swing it in six months, which is encouraging news, but given that most landlords want to sign a 12-month lease, it means I won't be in a position to buy until next summer. So it's back to renting for now, and socking money away until I'm in a position to move permanently into a house of my own.

I finally found a cleaning service (to honour the verbal agreement I have with my landlady), and the girl who came today is excellent, which is a relief. The service that my landlady hired charged almost twice as much as she does and didn't even bother vacuuming under the furniture. So, anyway, it will be nice to have some help around the house. I have mentioned that I am an indifferent housekeeper, so this ought to keep some of the pet hair under control, at the very least. The house is super clean, although I'd been keeping it quite clean myself (albeit not this clean). If I move close enough, I'm hoping I can take her with me. I'll figure out the budget part somehow. Back in Montreal when I was paying half of what I do now in rent (so before I got my own house), I had a cleaning service as well, and I'd forgotten how much easier it makes things overall.

My next steps over the following weeks will be to hopefully get into the shed, now that there's less snow, pull out my boxes, and start packing. I also need to sort out my "office" and the very large bedroom closet that's sort of become a catch-all for stuff. If people are going to be coming by to look at the place, then the hidden spots need to be just as tidy as the not-hidden spots. I know that when I look at places I poke into all the cupboards and closets, so I can expect other people to do that too.

I'm waiting to hear back from my paralegal. She's been in touch with my landlady's lawyer, who appears to be entirely out of the loop concerning her intentions. So once she hears back from the lawyer, she will get in touch with me and update me on things. I'm trying to hope for the best, but given how passive-aggressive and bitchy she was with me on Monday, I am bracing for the worst.
mousme: Two open books, one lying on top of the other at an angle (Books)
 My landlady is pulling some serious Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde shit with me (that's where the quote is from). She insisted yesterday on bringing in another flooring company to assess the "damage" again, and I accepted in the interests of not antagonizing the fucking Balrog. It was... interesting, to put it mildly.

I spent today running around in a tizzy before that. I did some tidying/vacuuming in the morning, as well as some overdue laundry (my laundry is always overdue, I hate using the shitty washer/dryer unit in this place), then headed out for my first house viewing. This was the inexpensive co-op that my friend L. had suggested I look into (not that one specifically, but co-ops in general). When I got there, the lady I've been speaking with for nearly ten days greeted me in order to show me the house. Now, she and I had what I thought was a pretty good rapport over the phone, but in person her attitude was completely different. She was cold, brusque, and borderline rude with me. At the end of the viewing she told me she had spoken with my landlady, and I figured that explained the about-face in attitude (more on that later in this post).

The house itself was... well. I suppose technically there was nothing wrong with it. It's part of a much larger housing complex than I was expecting (at least 40 houses, if not more), and rain water was pouring off of it, signalling that the eaves troughs hadn't been cleared in quite some time. Inside the house was dirty, but they were planning on cleaning it, at least. It was another of those places that has the kitchen and dining/living room on the second floor. The entrance was tiny, with a "utility room" on the left (grey concrete floor, wood panelled walls, nothing very exciting) and a smallish bedroom on the right. On the second floor was the aforementioned kitchen, also rather small, and the living room/dining room, equally small. Did I mention small? Small. On the third floor were the remaining two bedrooms, identical in size. Not tiny, but not really that large, either. The kitchen was older, and was missing bits and pieces in the form of drawers. The whole place lacked storage space, except of course for the utility room, but overall it felt impractical, especially with the kitchen on the second floor. I mean, who does that? Also, I must confess, I found the place pretty hideous to look at, both outside and in. There was also no yard, which, while not a deal breaker, is not ideal for a dog owner.

In short, even if the lady hadn't been rude to me and insisted that my landlady must be telling the truth if she'd gotten lawyers involved (what even), this wasn't the place for me. It's really too bad, because it was a lot less expensive than anywhere else I'd looked, and that would have put me on the path of saving quite a bit of money. It's clearly not meant to be, and so I am moving on.

The second house was okay. It was a row house accessible via a shared hallway, which I will confess I find weird. You kind of have to pray for quiet neighbours in a case like this, I'd imagine. The house was in the process of being renovated, and the previous occupants had left ALL their stuff behind. Like, really, all of it. It was a mess like I've rarely seen before, on top of the renovations. There were clothes strewn about some of the rooms, various bits of junk were stacked on furniture, and the kitchen appliances were filthy. It was honestly pretty hard to look past the vast piles of crap, but the space was nice, if unimaginative. Again no yard, but a little outdoor patio with a great view of about a million neighbours. The place isn't top of my list, but it's a possibility, I guess.

I had about an hour and a half before my last viewing of the day, and tomorrow is Cooking Day with [livejournal.com profile] ai731 , so I decided to kill two birds with one stone and go grocery shopping in the area. I ended up at a Metro, where the prices were horribly inflated and I couldn't find about a third of the stuff I needed to buy. I got what I could, and then zipped off to my last viewing of the day.

The third house was very much along the same lines as the second: a townhouse accessible via a shared hallway. What is up with that, anyway? Is this an Ottawa thing? Or am I just super sheltered? Anyway. This place was much nicer, although it was also undergoing a thorough renovation. This place is being renovated with higher-end materials, though, and the appliances were all brand-new (stainless steel, which is not my cup of tea, but still really nice). The space was much nicer, too, though there was still no yard, only a small patio. There were a number of large trees outside, though, which seemed to afford a little bit more privacy than the previous place. Lots of storage space, a semi-finished basement, and a place I could see myself living in for a while, at least. Not spectacular, but certainly doable. There are some perks to this place, though: it has a gym, an indoor pool and an outdoor pool, and two social and gaming rooms which aren't bad at all. Parking space is extra, which is a bit of a concern, but nothing too terrible in terms of price. It would certainly be within my budget.

After that it was a race to get home, because my landlady was coming at 16:00 with the floor guy. Naturally I got caught in the beginnings of rush hour traffic, and spent a good fifteen minutes being very stressed out because I was going to be late for the appointment. I got lucky and managed to make it back by about 15:58. The floor guy was already waiting for me when I got home, but he opted to stay in his truck until my landlady arrived. I slipped inside and checked to make sure the cats hadn't kicked litter all over the floor (the last thing I need is to give my landlady ammunition of any kind against me).

She arrived a few minutes later, and informed me that she had given me a good recommendation to the co-op, so I am perplexed about that. I can't imagine why the co-op lady would have turned so hostile toward me if it hadn't been as a result of their conversation. I mean, we spoke yesterday and she was warm and friendly, and today (after she spoke to the landlady), she was outright rude and dismissive. So, I don't know? Maybe she thinks my landlady is trying to foist off a problem tenant with a good review? Or else my landlady is lying.

Anyway, she and the flooring guy (who was ALSO super rude to me, I have no idea what was with people today) went around the house, and that's when she changed her tune. Suddenly it was all oh-isn't-the-house-clean! and gosh-it-doesn't-smell-bad-at-all! She insisted that one spot on the floor HAD to be pet urine, and even lay down on the floor (!!) in order to sniff it herself, to no avail. I explained that the discolouration had been there when I moved in, and she looked me in the face and lied to me: "No, I inspected the house myself before that, and I was the one living here before you," she said. That is a lie. I met the people who lived here before me, and it wasn't her. I also know that she did no inspection of the place at all, because the previous tenants didn't move out until a few hours before I moved in, and it was being run by a property management company at the time, which means she wasn't involved with the maintenance of the place. Still, she did an almost complete 180, and started back-pedalling on the eviction, in spite of the lawyers' letter. She wants to talk with my downstairs neighbour, because she says he's the one complaining about the smell (although I spoke to him last week and he said there hadn't been a problem), and maybe she'll reconsider the whole thing. I just... I don't know what to do with her anymore. I'm so, SO done with this psychodrama. I don't care if she changes her mind, I still want to go. God only knows what sort of bullshit she'll pull in another couple of months when she goes on another rampage.

I'm a little discouraged by the state of the rentals in Ottawa, at this point. Only one house has come close to suiting my needs (crazy landlady aside, where I am is a great little house, practically perfect in every way as rental units go), and it's a bit too big and on a very busy thoroughfare. I'm not overly optimistic about finding a good place, although of course I haven't stopped looking. It's making me want to reconsider my options, though. I went to the bank several months ago to inquire about a mortgage, and I'm pretty much guaranteed a pre-approval. The problem, of course, is that I don't have enough money for a down payment as well as closing costs and money to move. I'm maybe about halfway there in terms of my savings, and that would clean me out. Someone mentioned that I might be able to get my downpayment as a separate loan, and another friend referred me to her mortgage broker for more information, so after the landlady shenanigans I called the broker, and have gotten the ball rolling on seeing what my options are there, at least. It would be nice to go back to owning my own home, and being the only person to whom I have to answer about my living decisions.

That's it for now. I need to pack up the last of my prepped food for Cooking Day, and then go to bed like a responsible adult. Critical Role is airing tonight, but I have to be up early, so I will likely watch it tomorrow evening. I have one last house viewing tomorrow, after which I have to start the whole query process over again. Lather, rinse, repeat, as the shampoo bottles say.

See you on the flip side, LJ!
mousme: A picture of Darth Vader, captioned My Fandom Destroys Planets. (My Fandom Destroys Planets)
 I don't want to make this the All Landlady, All the Time journal, so I promise to try keep it brief. I have been in touch with two paralegals today. The first is actually on maternity leave (she was recommended by a friend who obviously wasn't in the loop), but she gave me some good unofficial advice and then recommended a couple of other names for me to try. I have now secured the services of one of those firms, and will be having my first meeting with the paralegal on Wednesday. She wants me to come in with all paperwork and pictures of my house, so that she can see for herself that there's no damage to the house. Shockingly, she can't take my word for it. ;)

So, for now, I'm exploring options. While a huge part of me wants to just rip off the bandaid and get out of this place ASAP and just have done, already, I am coming to see that there are more reasons for me to just grit my teeth and bear it for a couple of extra months. If nothing else, moving in early spring will be easier than trying to dig out my barbecue, patio table, and a lot of gardening stuff from under 3-4 feet of frozen snow, not to mention that I have to dig my packing boxes out of the shed, which is also buried under the same 3-4 feet of frozen snow. As much as I am loath to deal with extra landlady shenanigans during that time (and shenanigans there will be, I am quite sure of it), moving in the spring would be much more convenient.

There are a few avenues open to me, all of which have some drawbacks and some advantages. We shall see what comes of the meeting with the paralegal and go from there I guess. Yes, that's the royal "we." ;) I can ask my landlady for a 

In the meantime, my job is changing categories, starting April 26th, if all goes according to plan. This was all put into motion years ago, when it was decided that Civilian Members were to be eliminated from the RCMP. So we're all being converted to the public service. I think I mentioned this in a previous post many months back, but I can't be bothered to go find it right now.

Anyway, none of the Civilian Members are happy about this, because it means we're losing a ton of the benefits we enjoyed before, including unlimited sick time, which I don't think is offered by anyone else in Canada. Instead we're going to be getting the same amount of time as the other public service employees, which is 120 hours a year. For most employees, that's the equivalent of fifteen days of sick leave. If, like me, you work 12-hour shifts, though, suddenly you find yourself with ten days of leave instead. Granted, most of us don't use that many days in a year, but every now and then it's to be expected that you *will* find yourself in need of long-term leave. Right now, what that means is that if you get seriously ill, you imply stay home and concentrate on getting better, at full salary. Once the "deeming" happens (as it's called), it becomes a lot more complicated. First, you have to burn through your sick leave, then any vacation time you have. Then you have to claim unemployment insurance (thus guaranteeing a not-insignificant interruption in your revenue while they determine if they're going to accept your application), and after, IF that goes through, your insurance kicks in after a year. Needless to say, unemployment and insurance is a lot less than your actual salary.

So if, for instance, you get cancer, you get to also worry about keeping your kids fed or a roof over your head as well as worrying about whether or not you're going to die. Before you say "But lots of people have to worry about that!" let me hasten to assure you that I know. The point is that we had a more progressive set of benefits, and we are going backward. The goal should not be to remove our benefits so that we're like everyone else, the goal should be to give everyone else the same security we have. Of course, that's not what's happening, and I can all but guarantee you that it will end up costing the government more in the long run than they are saving in the short run.

The other part of this is that, thanks to Bill C-7 and the elimination of Civilian Members, we also now have to unionize. Now, I'm generally pro-union, so this isn't terrible news, but I will confess that, having never been part of a union before, the unionization process is breaking. my. brain. We have several unions competing for our attention, and none of them appear to understand our jobs or see the whole picture or even be able to give us a straight answer to any of our questions. It's bloody well disheartening. 

I keep meaning to talk about watching The Clone Wars, or my continuing re-watch of Deep Space Nine, or any of the other shows I'm watching, but my brain is currently being consumed by anxiety about my living situation. When that's not happening, my brain is being consumed by anxiety about the entire world being a political trash fire. There is, of course, the living nightmare going on in the United States, but even Canadian politics are being depressing, with Trudeau going back on his promise of electoral reform, which was basically the platform on which he was elected. It's such a disappointment, even though I have to admit I'm not entirely surprised he's reneging on it.

Okay. I am off to find more painkillers in the hopes of making this lingering stress headache go away. I have fish in the oven for dinner, so at least healthy food is in the offing. See you on the flip side, LJ!
mousme: A text icon, dark green text on pale green, that reads There is no normal life. There's just life. (No Normal Life)
I am perhaps overreacting about my landlady, but I am incredibly frustrated. After the whole cleaner saga, she has come back and told me that the cleaners said my pets had *stained* the floor and that, as I said yesterday, the cat litter smell is overwhelming. I'm honestly flummoxed as to why they would say that. I have had pets irreversibly stain floors before, and I paid to replace them out of my own pocket. These floors? Not stained.

She insisted on having floor people come to see the house today, which in turn forced me to cancel my afternoon appointments. Did she turn up at the time she said she would? No, of course not. I didn't know the main purpose of their visit, so I was unable to answer even the most basic of their questions. They were very nice, though, and made friends with the cat and the dog. They agreed that my floors are not stained, that it's just normal wear and tear, and they will be passing the message along to my landlady, thank goodness. They also gave me a good trick to keep further dog hair out of the ducts, which was the previous reason for my landlady freaking out.

As for the litter boxes, well, I've got nothing. I don't smell anything, other than the smell of normal clay litter, which does have its own distinct odour. It's not the same as used litter, so if it's the clean litter smell that's the issue, then there's nothing I can do about that. I poured out all the old litter today and washed the litter boxes, just in case, and went down on my hands and knees in the house just to make sure I hadn't missed a spot where one of the cats might have been going outside the litter boxes, but I found nothing. *shrug*

Honestly, part of me kind of hopes she'll pitch one final fit and just ask me to leave. It'll be easier to deal with the extreme anxiety of having to movie on short notice than to deal with the constant rollercoaster of crazy. I mean, I'm not really in a position to move, financially speaking, but I *could* do it if I had absolutely no choice, and I'd be out from under her thumb. I really regret signing that lease now, let me tell you.

In short: ugh.
mousme: A view of a woman's legs from behind, wearing knee-high rainbow socks. The rest of the picture is black and white. (Random Sentences)
Hello, and welcome to the new people from the friending meme! I am trying to be better about posting. We shall see how long my good intentions last! This is a really nice road I'm paving, I wonder where it leads? ;)

I had a bit of a day today. In the grand scheme of things it wasn't anything terrible, but it felt unnecessarily stressful. My current landlady and I have a bit of a fraught relationship. She's a hot-tempered Italian lady who runs a hair salon. She favours long fake nails, platinum blonde hair, skin-tight white jeans, and an enormous white SUV. Now, I'm not usually one to make a big deal over cultural differences (I will totally cop to being a snob, but I'm a self-aware snob, at least), but I think it illustrates where we have trouble communicating. She tends to perceive a problem and immediately fly off the handle and threatens to evict me (always over voicemail), and then once we've actually spoken in person she calms right down again, because it's never as dire as she assumed it was. This has happened three times now, and each time, once I've seen her face to face, she climbs down off the ledge she's on and apologizes for pitching a fit. It's exhausting.

Anyway, today wasn't a threaten-to-evict-me day, at least. Instead, she called at 16:00 to tell me that she'd hired people to come clean out the air vents, and they were coming at 17:00. Yeah. That's right. One hour later. Actually, she first said they'd be there between 17:00 and 21:00. We had the following exchange:

Landlady: "They're going to be there between 5pm and 9pm."

Me: "I'm working tomorrow, [Landlady]. On work nights I'm usually in bed by 8pm, because I have to get up early."

Landlady: "Oh, GOOD, you'll be home, then!"

Me: "..."

Me: "No, [Landlady], what I meant was, I'm home at that time, but I'm usually asleep."

Landlady: *breezily* "Oh, well, they'll probably be there at 5 anyway."


As it turned out, they arrived at 16:40. Now, new people to this LJ will not be aware that I am, to put it mildly, a terrible housekeeper. Combine that with working long shifts, as well as four cats and a dog, and you may not be surprised to learn that my house is, on a regular basis, a disaster area. Today was not an exception to that, and so I did a bit of a mad scramble to get things moderately presentable so that the workmen could come in and access all the air vents and registers.

The noise terrified all the pets, to the point I had to bring the dog outside so he'd stop freaking out. Two of the cats hid under the shelves in the pantry, one hid on top of a bookcase, and another under my bed. Poor kitties. Then my landlady informed me that ANOTHER crew was coming for furnace maintenance, "between 6pm and 10pm." I showed great restraint and didn't lunge at her throat. Feel free to drop off cookies in this handy container here. *puts box out*

Anyway, the furnace guy actually arrived at 19:30, and was gone an hour later, so it wasn't too terrible. It's now way past my bedtime, but I'm all cranked up from running around after workmen, so I'm trying to wind down by writing an LJ entry. Could be worse.

I got more work done on the garden today, in more exciting news. I obtained some cucumber seedlings and took them, the dog, and some gardening supplies to the community garden. I had spotted a (rather expensive) planter at Costco yesterday, and decided to acquire it today, but it was sold out when I got there, much to my disappointment. At least it saved me some money. So now, unless I decide to squeeze in some herbs, my community plot is completely planted. Time to sit back, water and weed occasionally, then reap the rewards! The tomato seedlings seem to have borne up well overnight, too, which is a good sign. Here's hoping the cucumber holds up as well!

IMG_7226.jpgIMG_7225.jpg

(As someone else said, my potted husky is flowering beautifully!)

I repotted all the mint into a planter on my patio, but ran out of energy before I could get to the basil, thyme, rosemary, and remaining tomatoes. Even if I'd had the energy, it was soon after that my landlady called and set the furnace adventures into motion. I was going to try to get the rest done tomorrow after work, but I just got reminded that I volunteered to help clear out the garden at the Quaker meetinghouse tomorrow evening already. Whoops! Guess it may have to wait an extra day. I'll water the seedlings well and hope they can tough out another day or so.

Someone remind me that, in the next few days, I should talk about D&D! I started watching an online stream/show on Twitch called "Critical Role," which is literally a livestream of a D&D campaign. You know how, very often, watching other people roleplay if you're not in the game is super boring? This show is the exception to that rule! It helps that it's run and played by professional voice actors. I love the show so much that it actually inspired me to get back into D&D and roleplaying, and then somehow some of my Twitter friends ganged up on me and now I'm actually running a game for them. We've had two sessions so far, and I'm pleased to report that, fourteen years after I ran my last game, I no longer suck as a DM. I'm still learning the ropes, but I've figured out a bit of the mental flexibility required to juggle plot lines and the like.

In short, remind me to go into detail about this later on! I mean, most of you may find it boring, but I know for a fact that a few of you are gamers, and therefore I need yell at you about how awesome Critical Role is. ;)

On that note, I should head to bed. Sleep is a precious commodity around these parts.
mousme: A view of a woman's legs from behind, wearing knee-high rainbow socks. The rest of the picture is black and white. (Always Summer)
I've been having some internet issues. My new provider leaves something to be desired, alas. Connectivity problems aside, it's been a busy few weeks anyway.

I think I mentioned that the move went pretty well, overall. I haven't yet recovered from the exhaustion that came after a month of packing up the house, running the pets to and from various veterinarians, wrangling my parents, running back and forth to sign off on various papers for the house sale, and the actual move itself. That's not even counting all the unpacking I've been doing of late.

House stuff )


Pet stuff )

A brief digression about plans I have for the near future )

Yes, I know, most of you are rolling your eyes and thinking something along the lines of: "Great. Phnee is on another self-improvement kick." What can I say? If at first you don't succeed try, try again. After all, there is a lot about myself I need to work on. I do think that, on the whole, I've improved at least a little as a person in the 12 (nearly 13!) years since I started this journal. That being said, there is a whole lot of room for improvement.

Anyway, I'm going to stop here, because this entry has gotten huge without my noticing. I'll try to update a bit more regularly, but no promises. :)
mousme: A view of a woman's legs from behind, wearing knee-high rainbow socks. The rest of the picture is black and white. (Going and Staying)
Yesterday I moved to Ottawa.

I've rented a little house that's about a twenty-five minute walk from my job, which is awesome. I am excited at the prospect of driving as little as possible for the foreseeable future. It's smaller than my old house but still offers plenty of room. There is a basement apartment whose tenant I haven't yet met but who seems very quiet so far. I have a teeny-tiny yard and a really big patio, which will be excellent for summer barbecues.

I don't have internet or a home phone yet, so I'll hold off on a long update for now, to try and spare my poor data plan on my phone. Suffice it to say that the move went about as well as I could have hoped. I haven't unpacked much yet, but I plan to over the next few days and weeks, as soon as I've made decisions about where all my stuff should live in the new house. I'm actually pretty exhausted, which in turn for me leads to decision fatigue, hence why I don't know where I want to put my things yet.

The kitten has adjusted well to the new space. She's only six months old, and she lived in a foster home before I got her, so she's used to living in different places. The dog suffered a partial nervous collapse yesterday, but a rawhide bone and a long walk have both gone a long way toward mollifying him.

I'm looking forward to getting settled, to developing actual routines now that I won't have to commute back and forth and live in someone else's house half the time. Once I get over this bone-deep exhaustion, I think this is going to be a really good thing.

I will say that it still feels a little weird and unreal, and that a small part of me keeps assuming that at some point I'm going to head home to Montreal again. I have no idea when that feeling is going to subside, having never been an ex-pat before. I miss my friends and family pretty fiercely right now, even though I'm excited to be embarking on a new adventure.

I hope everyone is keeping well, and I promise to come back and post more regularly once my internet connection is functional!

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