Corner of Bourbon & Division

So it turns out my fine motor skills are for shit. I got some discounted gimp the other day (yes, I know, bad Phnee for spending money on stuff that isn't necessities or a birthday present for Bean, I know, I know), and I can't actually get the first loops to stay long enough for me to keep lacing it all together. *sigh* I will keep trying, but so far I've just managed to get cramps in my hands. At least there are video tutorials on YouTube, but gimp is slippery shit at best, and I worry that what I used to be able to do when I was eight years old is now entirely beyond me.

No wonder everyone thinks I'm incompetent. I can't even manage plastic laces. Thinking about it, it's amazing I manage to feed and dress myself every day. :P

I don't suppose any of my local friends who know how to do this would be willing to have a craft date with me and teach me to be less useless? I've always learned better with someone to show me and tell me what I'm doing wrong. Learning from books and videos has never been my strong suit.

I never write anything cheerful anymore. Sorry about that. I can't guarantee upbeat posts, just FYI, so if you're here for that, well, you're going to be disappointed.

( I'll put it behind a cut so you don't have to read the rest )

I have missed knitting, and it seems to be one of the things I can do during my night shifts that won't be too intrusive when it comes to actual work. Mostly my night shifts are tranquil things, but when they get busy they get extremely busy, so it has to be something I can put down quickly and not worry about getting interrupted.

I'm thinking of doing a project for myself, which is a rare thing. Usually I knit for other people. But I've been looking all over for some suitable sweater vests for work, and I'm coming up blank. They are few and far-between in my size, it seems. Apparently if you're a plus size, you don't get to wear sweater vests. They are only for thin people. :P

I've found a pattern I like on Ravelry, though I shall have to buy it for $2.00 or so off Knitpicks. I'm not complaining, though. It looks beautiful, and that's less than I've paid for some iPhone apps. I may also get the yarn off Knitpicks as well, since it's pretty specific, but after that, if I want to make more, I'll hunt around for less expensive yarn. Overall, it's an expensive project, even if I can get it with free shipping. The sizing on this pattern does seem to include my size, from what I can see, so that's good.

Other things that I can do on night shifts, when my concentration (and work itself!) allows for it, is to read. I haven't had the time, the energy, and most importantly the focus to truly read of late. I think I read a handful of books last year, and the years before that. Partially the internet served as a distraction, partially for a while I was writing every spare moment I got, which meant no reading, but in the last year it's been more of a no time/no focus problem rather than anything else.

So I've set myself a lowball goal of reading 25 books this year, and set it up on Goodreads. (My username there is ratherastory, if anyone is interested) I like the site, and I've found some interesting recommendations there as I've started using it more. I'm keeping track of my reading as best I can, and with any luck that, too, will improve this year.

And no, don't worry, I'm not going to read when I should be doing family stuff or running errands. I'm not going to use it to procrastinate. The reading will be scheduled into the "me" time of the unschedule, and/or squeezed in during my down time at work and on lunch breaks. I can also read when I'm waiting in line for things, or in waiting rooms before appointments. Same goes for knitting.

Speaking of time and saving time, I've been trying to perfect the art of the Navy shower. I've managed to get myself down to 4 minutes and 15 seconds, but my goal is to get it under 3 minutes. When that's done, I need to work out how to whittle my shower/dressed/made up routine to under 20 minutes. Right now I'm managing a little over 30, which is okay but not great, and doesn't include the times when I have to blow-dry my hair. My hair is very thick and takes forever to dry, even with a blow-dryer. So I've mostly been letting it air dry, but that's a bit of a problem on very cold days like the ones we've had.

I'm trying to motivate myself with the notion that, if I'm not by myself, or if it's right before I start my workday, then that time isn't mine. So in order not to waste other people's time, I need to be more efficient. The longer I spend in the bathroom/shower/whatever, the more of other people's time I'm wasting, which is a big no-no. The way I see it, my brain doesn't really care about me, but it does care about not letting others down. So if I frame it as being about other people instead of being about me, then my brain kicks into gear and makes me get down to business. It's the same for getting up on time, either when my alarm goes off (on workdays) or when the rest of the household gets up (on my days off). Sleeping in means I'm taking up time that doesn't belong to me. The time that is mine is already set in the "unschedule," so all other time that's not scheduled sleeping time doesn't count as mine.

IDK, this makes a lot more sense in my head.

I forgot my knitting at home. Again.

I still have one more spot open for someone wanting a hand-made present from yesterday's meme. Now's the time to sign up! Last spot!

Dear Self,

You are not allowed to browse for more patterns on Ravelry until you have finished your current project.

Show some restraint and self-respect, woman!

Love,

Me

We'll see how long it lasts. I'm up for another week with overtime, although I'm on days/evenings instead of nights, which is a blessing.

I spent most of last week sleeping. The original plan was to get a whole bunch of stuff done. Instead, my body decided that it was going to put me out of my misery by rendering me unconscious for the better part of five days. When I wasn't asleep, I had just about enough energy to play Dragon Quest VIII (and levelled up a whole bunch). I still cannot get over how much I slept. Appalling.

The weekend was spent at fearsclave's abode in the GFHW, along with toughlovemuse and chibipunkdemon. We went for a walk in the woods, saw a really cute mouse hiding under a log, climbed through a fence and hiked along the railroad tracks. There was knitting and crocheting, and more food than we knew what to do with, and on Saturday night we built a gigantic bonfire, around which we sat and drank scotch and un-scotch, and argued about Harry Potter and various other fun topics. I got tanned and everyone else got sunburned, and we had a fantastic time.

I got back Monday morning in time to pick up Gretzky from the vet (I boarded her there over the weekend because she needs antibiotics twice daily), brought her home, and came to work.

I feel as though I could easily take another two weeks' vacation. I barely saw the week go by, and while I feel okay, I feel about the same as I did before I started the Two Week Marathon Of Night Shift Doom. Luckily, I ought to have some more time off later this summer, unless an operation we have planned soon-ish goes south in a big way, in which case I can kiss my life goodbye.

The only part in all this that's stressing me out is the fact that my apartment is a gigantic unholy mess, yet again. I had it under control for a while, and after the past month it's a disaster. I need to un-disasterify it, first and foremost because I'm likely to be moving sooner rather than later. I have a floor to refinish, and all my stuff to pack, and in the state it is now there's no way in hell I'll ever be able to do any of it.

Gah.

Well, tomorrow is another day. With any luck I will be able to shrug off the feelings of overwhelm and panic and get myself to work on cleaning up, fifteen minutes at a time. That usually works well enough for me, once I get myself in gear.

In other news, my sanity appears to be mostly returned, after the Two Week Marathon Of Night Shift Doom. Whether or not I manage to retain it for the next three weeks remains to be seen.

I am attempting to knit in the round on circular needles for the first time, and the concept is defeating me. I have checked all my knitting books, four websites, and three videos on the web, and I am confounded. I just don't get how it's all supposed to join up, and it's very frustrating.

I'm supposed to have tea with my godmother on Tuesday, so I shall ask her then how this is supposed to work. It seems awfully far away, but I guess I can live with that.

It's just that this is a big project, and I really wanted to get started on it soon. This delay is aggravating, all the more so because it's due to my own incompetence.