*sigh*

[mousme]

So.

Cute girl has a crush on me. I have a crush on cute girl. No brainer, right?

Cute girl is poly and married.

I am single and very much not poly. Just not wired that way.

*kicks petulantly at a pebble*

And before anyone suggests that I should try it anyway: no. It's not fair to her or me to put us both through the emotional wringer like that. I can't do casual, I can't do "secondary," and I can't imagine myself in that sort of relationship.

I'm just a little disappointed with life right now.

Comments

[bodhifox.livejournal.com]

Hell, I'd do poly about now if it were offered.

[aliyna.livejournal.com]

Oh lady, that's so hard. But I totally understand, coming from the place where I thought I was totally poly but then discovered I'm so, so, so not. =(

[terheyt.livejournal.com]

It's funny. I thought I was irretrievably poly, until my last relationship, when I discovered I could be entirely happy being mono with the right person...

For at least 5 months, which is when the relationship ended. It didn't end due to anything to do with poly or not, and I don't know how long the state I found myself in would have lasted, but I was surprised at how little it mattered to me, not being able to sleep with friends that I've previously built that kind of friendship with. I always thought I was poly as core-deep as I was bi. It was part of my sexuality, and nothing could change that. It's strange, finding out things about yourself that you always believed in aren't true.

Not that any of this has anything to do with your situation. It's just late, and I wanted to share. I agree with the decision to not put either of you through that, if you're not wired that way. Alas, maturity has very little to do with immediate satisfaction.

[guruwench.livejournal.com]

Oh, hon, that is so hard. :( *hugs you if you'd like* I agree that it wouldn't be fair to put all of you through that wringer - if you aren't wired that way, you aren't, and trying it out won't change that. It's good to know that, though it doesn't make the "aw, nuts" part any easier.

*sends truffles*

[fearsclave.livejournal.com]

Bummer. But although the girl was cute, you can console yourself with not having got into that situation.

Honestly, no idea how people can do poly. I have friends who do, and no judgment and more power to them, but wow, just thinking about that in my present relationship makes me realizes that I've got Neanderthal levels of monjo wiring.

[bodhifox.livejournal.com]

Because, duh, your wife is a treasure.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

For me, seeing my partner happy, when someone else is making him happy in ways that I can't, makes me happy. I do have some anxiety about new partners of my partners, but it's more unfamiliarity and discomfort with change than it is jealousy. My husband doesn't have a jealous bone in his body; he fundamentally doesn't "get" jealousy.

[pasley.livejournal.com]

(I have this theory that poly is a big lie that people play on each other and themselves. I suspect it doesn't actually exist; if it did, the people involved would all always be happy, right? I suspect it's really one person who, for mostly selfish reasons, decides they are, and then their partner goes along with it to please them and save the relationship.)

ANYWAY ... It really sucks, and I'm sorry. You are so wise to know you're not wired that way, and so right to not go further with it. It's kind to her, and kind to yourself.

But yeah. Still sucks.
xoxox

[kiwano.livejournal.com]

I have this theory that poly is a big lie that people play on each other and themselves. I suspect it doesn't actually exist; if it did, the people involved would all always be happy, right? I suspect it's really one person who, for mostly selfish reasons, decides they are, and then their partner goes along with it to please them and save the relationship.

Unless they met in some setting where being poly was already assumed, e.g. at a sex party.. :P

[le-maistre-e.livejournal.com]

guruwench and I are thinking on the same lines. The "aw, nuts" part is really hard and it sucks, but it's good to know all about this before even getting into anything too deep.

[blackmare.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can't do casual either, nor could I handle poly, so I totally get why you're doing the right thing.

Sure wish I had something better to say than "that does suck" and that probably, the best thing either of you can do is keep at least a minimum safe distance from each other, so that the discomfort won't be right there in your faces all the time.

[curtana.livejournal.com]

Oof, difficult situation :/ I'm sorry that you're going through it, but good on you for having the self-understanding to recognize that it wouldn't be a feasible relationship for you. *hugs*

[elanya.livejournal.com]

Same as everyone else says - its good that you know yourself well enough not to put anyone, including yourself, through further emotional torture. I hope the other cute girl will understand!

[griffen.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, and I won't make the suggestion. But I am sorry that this is hurting you.

[primrose-1.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, lady! :(

[rowen26.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[kiwano.livejournal.com]

Clearly you need to find another cute girl to develop a new crush on. I'll keep mirandaaskew away from you for the time being, so you don't wind up with a repeat of the current situation ;)