*faceplant*

[mousme]

I have no idea what to do about this.

I hate labels, but sometimes there the only things I have to go by, and sometimes they help me figure out where I stand.

I just don't know if the label fits. If I'm even looking in the right label section. Maybe the label I'm looking for is in another aisle entirely and I've just fooled myself into thinking I'm in the right place. Maybe I'm in the wrong place at the right time.

Puke and double puke.

Once I apply the label officially, it'll be very very hard to go back or to change it. I know it's possible to do so, but I like the idea of "measure twice, cut once" so that I don't have to rummage around for what I'm looking for and get it wrong several times.

I don't think perfectionism is going to help me, this time. It's just turning into procrastination, or worse, denial.

I don't even know where to start. Or if I should start.

I'm a coward at heart, always have been. I've always wanted acceptance more than to be my own person, no matter what. It would be easier, in many ways, to continue the way I have been, to leave the matter unspoken of, unexplored, hidden away in a drawer which has been locked and the key thrown away.

I think I could be reasonably happy with how things are now. Then again, things change over the years, and maybe I wouldn't be happy anymore, which begs the question: do I deal with it now, in anticipation of the fact that I might not be happy later, or do I just cross my fingers and hope that it'll never come to that?

I've become used to being on my own when not around friends or family, and I don't mind it. I don't see why I would come to hate solitude in the future.

Comments

[mhw.livejournal.com]

Well, I think there's a difference between labels used by oneself as a kind of shorthand for navigating one's space of possibilities, and labels used by others as a pigeonholing device.

I thoroughly approve of the former, and much less so the latter. Self-labelling tends to be descriptive, not prescriptive. Labels also don't have to function like the little cards on cabinet drawers - real life and real feelings and experiences rarely have a clear-cut either/or taxonomy, and that's something that you have to be quite stern with other people about. If someone says "You call yourself 'X', but I Happen To Know that X people believe A and B and C, and reject D, but here's you sounding dubious about A, uninterested in B, and admitting to the possibilities of D - how dare you?" *chuckle* and that's not a rare reaction, the world's full of amateur taxonomists bent on shoehorning us into neat boxes - you don't have to swallow it. If you feel a kinship with a label, use it, under the advice that people often will ask you "What do you mean by [fitb]?", and way too often do the Taxonomy Tango if your labelling doesn't match their prejudices.

Would it be too invasive to ask which, if any, labels you're debating the use of?

[kimberly-a.livejournal.com]

I actually think that labels are often not useful. For example, labeling myself as "bipolar" has been difficult. It's actually easier for me to think of it in terms of something like "I'll be taking medication to help stabilize my moods."

Do you mind if I write bluntly about what seems to be going on here? If you're attracted to women, why do you need to apply a label to yourself? I can't imagine how that will help, given how stressful you seem to find this situation. If you're attracted to one woman in particular, then I say see where it leads.

It seems like you're being very critical of yourself. Surrounding yourself with shoulds. A straight woman should think/do/want x. A bi woman should think/do/want y. A lesbian woman should think/do/want z.

Well, you aren't a category. You aren't a label. You're you. There is nothing that you should think, do, want, say, or be. I say ... just explore yourself, and don't worry so much about labels. The world is quick to label people ... don't help with that process.

Of course, I may be completely full of shit. I may be completely misunderstanding your recent journal entries on this topic. But that's what I was thinking as I read this.

[paganmommy.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I can be so damned thick headed. I read your entry and thought "Where is the label?" ::tapped foot, drank coffee, refreshed page, read again::: No label. Okay, maybe I am phasing out in the middle of reading. I click out of LJ, have a very intense conversation with a friend, drink more coffee, smoke a cig, read it again. Still nothing. Confusion. Hey, I am comfortable now, confusion is my speciality! *grin* ::does happy noogle:::

Now I am slightly less confused, but honored to be one of two, (hrm.. good borg name too)

Here is the thing about using a label, just as soon as the glue dries, and you feel comfy with it, it is time to apply heat and nail polish remover because the you need to add or subtract something from it. You are a human being, and you grow. You in particular seem to be a very self aware human being, so you will do more growing than most. It helps to use velcro and dry erase markers.

As far as mom is concerned, consider this to me none of her business. There are things about your mother that she will never tell you. Even if it seems she shares everything, I can bet you there are things she hasn't confided to you about, if not, the woman needs to look at her boundaries. This can EASILY be your boundary, at least for now. You don't even know if you can sew on this label yet, so there is no need to share it with her until you feel comfy with it, yk? Even then, some things are private, even if it would be nice to share. That is what you have us for anyway, right? *hugs*

[mina-laury.livejournal.com]

*supportive hugs*

Oh, babe. It's perfectly all right to be leery of labels; people are constantly trying to take them away and alter them to what they think they should mean and then pin them back on you.

Is saying 'I'm attracted to women' any less scary than 'I'm gay'?

There will be acceptance, you know. Some of it will come from the people you expect, and some from the people you don't.

And what everyone else said, in spades.

Re: *faceplant*

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

Any label that you apply to yourself is also yours to take off again, especially if it's being used for an internal handle for you.

As for the parents, it's possible that they'll be like mine. For my parents, they specifically notice anything else rather than acknowledge that I'm not hetero.

Good luck in dealing with this.

*Hugs*

[joane.livejournal.com]

{{{{hugs}}}} The wise ones above have said pretty much everything I could say right here, so I'll just add my voice to the chorus. You know how I feel about labels and my (apparently not unique!) double-coming-out experience. Here's a label I prefer: "ME". :)

Enjoy the thrill of being able to recognize crushes on beautiful girls. Revel in the sense of discovery and acceptance of yourself and your own desires. This is an adventure, babe, not a problem to be solved. And you're welcome to raid my bookshelves any time you like. :)

[meallanmouse.livejournal.com]

:: hugs ::

Same as what all said, really. Though I'd have to say the Parental Units can so very much wait. Far better for you to be on solid ground (and this for a while too) and know you'll have people to rely on, should it not go well.

And people to celebrate with you, should they show understanding and acceptance.

:: nods and hugs again ::