*faceplant*

[mousme]

I have no idea what to do about this.

I hate labels, but sometimes there the only things I have to go by, and sometimes they help me figure out where I stand.

I just don't know if the label fits. If I'm even looking in the right label section. Maybe the label I'm looking for is in another aisle entirely and I've just fooled myself into thinking I'm in the right place. Maybe I'm in the wrong place at the right time.

Puke and double puke.

Once I apply the label officially, it'll be very very hard to go back or to change it. I know it's possible to do so, but I like the idea of "measure twice, cut once" so that I don't have to rummage around for what I'm looking for and get it wrong several times.

I don't think perfectionism is going to help me, this time. It's just turning into procrastination, or worse, denial.

I don't even know where to start. Or if I should start.

I'm a coward at heart, always have been. I've always wanted acceptance more than to be my own person, no matter what. It would be easier, in many ways, to continue the way I have been, to leave the matter unspoken of, unexplored, hidden away in a drawer which has been locked and the key thrown away.

I think I could be reasonably happy with how things are now. Then again, things change over the years, and maybe I wouldn't be happy anymore, which begs the question: do I deal with it now, in anticipation of the fact that I might not be happy later, or do I just cross my fingers and hope that it'll never come to that?

I've become used to being on my own when not around friends or family, and I don't mind it. I don't see why I would come to hate solitude in the future.

Comments

Re:

[kimberly-a.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

I think it's important for you to feel comfortable with whatever label you choose for yourself before you even consider trying to share it with anyone who might judge you for it. Give yourself some time, eh? Find people who will be supportive, so that you don't feel so alone and scared.

*many hugs*

[mousme.livejournal.com]

*noddage*

That's why I made this entry for you guys. I was pretty sure I'd get a nice, supportive, understanding and enlightened response.

'Cause you guys rock my world. :)

I just need to get used to the idea now... *eeps and hides in corner*

Re:

[kimberly-a.livejournal.com]

Makes sense.

Oh, and I had one more thing I wanted to say, which is that I don't think it's very helpful for you in this situation to try to see into the future to predict how you'll feel if you get involved with someone.

Figure out how to feel comfortable today, and cross tomorrow's bridge when you get to it. I know it's a cliche, but in this case I think it's true. Just take care of yourself, okay?

*more hugs*

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Good point.

*talks sternly to self* No predicting the future!

:)

Thanks for reminding me of that. :)