Beginning of winter + night shift = Not Good

I'm overtired and haven't had enough sunlight lately. Part of this is my own fault. Part of this is working night shift.

In spite of my efforts to keep my posts light-hearted and positive, I've been dealing with a good dose of low-level anxiety of late. Part of this is seasonal, part of it is due to what's going on politically (nothing like having the government disintegrate during a time of economic crisis, and having there be a good chance of the whole separatism thing starting up again: 'cause what we really need is to beat that dead horse in order to make sure it's really dead).

And part of it is my own damned fault. I kind of ran into some minor financial snags lately. This is nothing, I hasten to add. It's just some poor planning on my part, and is nowhere near doing anything but causing me some mild inconvenience for the next few weeks. My reaction, on the other hand, has been nothing short of breathtakingly over the top about this.

For those of you who are new to this LJ (two years or less), the thing you have to understand is that this whole "financial stability" thing is still pretty new to me. I used to live paycheque to paycheque, and for a very long time there was always a lot of month left at the end of the money. I wrecked my credit during that time, partly because I had no money and partly because I was incapable of managing what little money I did have. This created constant, gut-ripping anxiety on my part (spiced up with the occasional panic attack).

So this latest snag? Objectively, I know I'll be fine. I need to be a bit careful for the next thirty days, but it's not going to prevent me from paying my bills or eating. It means that it's a damned good thing I decided not to buy Christmas presents for anyone except my parents and BorderCrossing this year, and it also means that I'm likely not going to buy any more Christmas decorations than the ones I already have.

Emotionally, it's doing a number on my headspace. The irrational part of me is suddenly convinced that I'm back on the slippery slope to being constantly in the red, to having to watch my bank balance like a hawk and sending up a prayer every time I buy groceries so that my transaction doesn't get refused.

So, anyway, no happy-fluffy entry from me right now. I'm okay, but I've been better. Knowing that probably 95% of everyone else out there has it worse than me is somehow not a comfort.

On a lighter note

The reason I'm awake so early today?

George decided that it would be a good idea to get a running start, leap on my bed and head-butt me as hard as he could in the face.

Sweet, and yet incredibly painful. Who knew little cat skulls could be so hard? He got me right on the nose, too.

Seven weeks of nothing but propaganda

Joyeux Noël, folks. It appears that the Governor General has agreed to prorogue parliament until January 27th.

This means we're going to be subjected to seven weeks of propaganda and extra-special hate mongering and the fostering of paranoia on all sides. Because, y'know, the election didn't give us enough of that.

I fully expect that the Conservatives will proceed to demonize Québec as much as possible, since their government pretty much depends on having everyone on the defensive about the Bloc Québécois. As much as I don't like the idea of a separatist party drawing wages from the federal reserve, it also blows my mind that nine out of ten provinces seem to think that Québec is some sort of leech sucking the nation dry, when we're one of the more economically powerful provinces (don't ask me for stats, but I suspect we're not too far behind Alberta and Ontario). The BQ is admittedly a local-interest party, and I don't agree that they should have a federal presence in that regard, but since they're there, there's no sense in demonizing them: at least they don't make any pretense about their true agenda.

Ironically, before the Conservatives came into power and were the official opposition, they very often leaned on the Bloc to pressure the Liberals, and if memory serves he once proposed a coalition with them and the NDP. *checks Google* Yep, here it is:

( Coalition? What coalition? )

Funny how it's no longer legitimate when it's his party in power. :P

Before my Conservative-leaning friends jump down my throat: yes, I know there are many differences between the situation back then and the situation now. I'm just saying, there's a certain amount of irony, here.

In the meantime, Layton is losing more and more of my respect by threatening to push the coalition forward even before Harper has a chance to present his new budget on January 27th. Whether or not Harper is in good faith here is entirely beside the point: there is a token effort being made to placate the house and the public, and it's just going to make him look like a power-mongering asshole if he doesn't let Harper have his say.

In short, the whole situation sucks rocks.

toughlovemuse pointed me to John Scalzi's very amusing take on the situation. Exploding space monkeys! At least that might make it more entertaining.

Lose-lose

Yep. Let me tell you, internets, being a French-Canadian federalist is SO much fun.

English Canadians automatically think I'm a separatist, and generally distrust me because I'm French. From people I don't know I usually get condescending pats and told how good my English is (as though it's some sort of weird miracle that I can understand their language at all). "You have such a cute accent!" they tell me.

French Canadians, upon hearing that I'm not a separatist, generally tell me I'm a traitor to my race. Sometimes they're polite about it and couch it in veiled terms. "Don't you think every people has the right to self-determination?" As though Quebeckers are routinely being oppressed the way they were fifty years ago. As though we haven't had TWO referendums in which at least half the local population wanted to stay put. Some of them are more direct about it, and I like them better: at least I know where I stand with them. They're also quick to tell me that they knew I was an "Anglo" because of my accent.

In case some of you were scratching your heads, yes, it is true that once people on either side find out about the "other" side of my nature, they retrofit me with whichever accent fits their perception of me best. So French people think I have a terrible English accent when I speak French, and English people think I have the quaintest French accent when I speak English. Only after I've told them about my heritage, mind: I'm sure it won't come as a shock to most of you that I don't actually have much of an accent in either language. I do have a French accent when I speak Italian and German, though.

I'm going to leave the comments open for now, but I'm seriously considering disallowing them entirely. If I change my mind, please don't be offended if your comment gets deleted in the process.