Beginning of winter + night shift = Not Good

[mousme]

I'm overtired and haven't had enough sunlight lately. Part of this is my own fault. Part of this is working night shift.

In spite of my efforts to keep my posts light-hearted and positive, I've been dealing with a good dose of low-level anxiety of late. Part of this is seasonal, part of it is due to what's going on politically (nothing like having the government disintegrate during a time of economic crisis, and having there be a good chance of the whole separatism thing starting up again: 'cause what we really need is to beat that dead horse in order to make sure it's really dead).

And part of it is my own damned fault. I kind of ran into some minor financial snags lately. This is nothing, I hasten to add. It's just some poor planning on my part, and is nowhere near doing anything but causing me some mild inconvenience for the next few weeks. My reaction, on the other hand, has been nothing short of breathtakingly over the top about this.

For those of you who are new to this LJ (two years or less), the thing you have to understand is that this whole "financial stability" thing is still pretty new to me. I used to live paycheque to paycheque, and for a very long time there was always a lot of month left at the end of the money. I wrecked my credit during that time, partly because I had no money and partly because I was incapable of managing what little money I did have. This created constant, gut-ripping anxiety on my part (spiced up with the occasional panic attack).

So this latest snag? Objectively, I know I'll be fine. I need to be a bit careful for the next thirty days, but it's not going to prevent me from paying my bills or eating. It means that it's a damned good thing I decided not to buy Christmas presents for anyone except my parents and BorderCrossing this year, and it also means that I'm likely not going to buy any more Christmas decorations than the ones I already have.

Emotionally, it's doing a number on my headspace. The irrational part of me is suddenly convinced that I'm back on the slippery slope to being constantly in the red, to having to watch my bank balance like a hawk and sending up a prayer every time I buy groceries so that my transaction doesn't get refused.

So, anyway, no happy-fluffy entry from me right now. I'm okay, but I've been better. Knowing that probably 95% of everyone else out there has it worse than me is somehow not a comfort.

Comments

J'accuse

[ankhorite.livejournal.com]

the whole separatism thing starting up again: 'cause what we really need is to beat that dead horse

Non, non, non!

the whole separatism thing starting up again: 'cause what we really need is to beat that dead horse moose...

Kindly remember what country you are in, ma petite! You may substitute some other Canadian totemic animal if you wish (but I would advise against beaver).

I didn't know you when you were recklessly in the red. Right now, I'm in the awkward state Gloria Steinem once pointed out: one man away from welfare.

This has never happened in my life, never never never. And I'm ashamed, and I'm grateful, and I'm ashamed to be grateful when, as you point out, 95% of the population is not so lucky.

Re: J'accuse

[mousme.livejournal.com]

It's really hard to be in the position of recipient-of-money from a life partner when one has always been accustomed to providing for oneself.

*hugs*

I will do my best to pick a new totem animal, but I'd like to point out that the RCMP rides *horses*. :P

Re: J'accuse

[ankhorite.livejournal.com]

::: closes eyes and imagines for a moment :::

::: opens eyes, with a bit of a glaze :::

Non, non, non. I assure you, from the research I did just this minute, they would be much sexier on mooses.

Re: J'accuse

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Meese?

Re: J'accuse

[ankhorite.livejournal.com]

Well, but then we run into trouble, because meese might almost be an alt plural for mouse (as alt to mice) and I don't know what Savant da Rat would do if he caught me with another rodent.

:)

[thinkingoutlaw.livejournal.com]

The thing about frugality is to keep moving. Keep realizing that there is plenty of things you can do. It's all about your mindset; so long as you don't turn yourself into a victim, you'll pull through. Read frugality blogs and websites. Turn to your cooking, trying out new, cheap (but tasty) recipes. I suggest a copy of The Tightwad Gazette, if you can get it from your library. (You'll laugh, but do you have libraries in Canada?)

As far as the unhappy, stress-type stuff, you're on the right track with the knitting and writing. I would suggest a fish oil supplement for Omega 3 and 6 fatty acids. You might want to think about investing in a full-spectrum lightbulb/light if the night shift is going to be a long-term part of your schedule. Mieszko knows people who suffer from Seasonal Affective disorder who use those with great results.

Sorry if I came across as sanctimonious, but I totally know where you are with this, considering I was sobbing into my dish water yesterday, over the stress of being the only full-time employed while he's in school. :)

[luvenditti.livejournal.com]

sing it sister, I, also, am tighter than I'd anticipated. bleh! I hate this.

[tcaptain.livejournal.com]

You are not alone. We all stumble.
I freak out about it too.