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mousmeSorry, been AFK for a few days. Since Sunday, at the very least. It's been a bit of a busy week, what with Easter and Bean having the Gastro That Would Not Go Away, though ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pdaughter is the one who ended up dealing with the latter for the better part of the week, as I had to head back to Ottawa for work on Tuesday afternoon. I suppose that, aside from that, it hasn't been much busier than usual, though it felt that way.
I'll confess that I haven't much felt like updating this week either. I feel like I've been in a terrible mood forever, and while in the past I've not hesitated to write about that here, I'm a little tired of myself. Okay, a lot tired of myself. It honestly feels like the only emotion I've got these days is irritation-bordering-on-anger, and it takes every single ounce of spare energy I have to keep a lid on it and try to make myself not unpleasant to be around.
I'm not really successful at it, either. Every waking moment is a fight with myself to remain if not cheerful and upbeat, then at least civil, and I'm using up energy that I can't replenish. So every day I have just that much fewer resources to draw upon in my struggle to be a functional human being that people don't hate being around, and I'm a little worried about what's going to happen when those reserves run out. Basically, I'm terrible company these days, and the only reason I don't shut myself away in a closet somewhere when I'm not at work is because I have responsibilities that I'm trying very hard not to shirk. Not that I'm doing a great job with those, either.
So, yeah. Failing on all counts.
In less fail-y news, I have been making a concerted effort to eat more nutritiously of late. This week was my first attempt at mason jar salads, which I've mentioned here before, and so far it's been a success. The mason jars hold a LOT of salad, let me tell you. I need to tweak my technique a bit, because I ended up with a lot more lettuce than I needed, and the grated carrots that one site recommended as my first layer was a terrible idea, as they absorbed all my salad dressing. Overall, though, it was very tasty, and super pretty as a bonus. I keep forgetting how much I love fresh salad with interesting ingredients until I start making them again and remind myself.
I've also made a conscious effort to include more vegetables in my meals in general when I'm at work. I don't cook when I'm home, unless it's very simple meals like pasta and tomato sauce, or things thatpdaughter makes more regularly, as Bean tends to view my own cooking with distaste even at the best of times. So even though my kitchen here is more limited in terms of tools, I've decided to try experimenting a bit, and to try making sure that I get a variety of veggies (that won't bankrupt me!) in a variety of dishes. This week has been mason jar salads and breakfast smoothies. Next week I may try something else.
My plan is to try to reduce my consumption of complex carbs and up my consumption of veggies and protein, though I don't intend to eliminate any particular foods completely. Just a slight switch around from my normal fare. I've been relying all too much on pasta of late, and I don't think it's doing me any favours.
Part of this is because I really love cooking and I miss being able to do it. The other part is that I'm trying to find a magical recipe for not feeling like warmed-over death all the time. I figure loading up with happy food nutrients can't be a bad thing. I'm trying to include more iron-rich foods in my diet, too, to see if that helps at all.
I said in a previous entry that I'd been sleeping in until 7:30 or even 8:00 on days when I'm home, and I can't seem to correct that particular habit. I don't even hear whenpdaughter gets up in the morning, I'm that dead to the world. It's not fair to anyone to have me sleeping in like that, and so I think I need to get over my reluctance to set an alarm on my days off. Mostly it's because it feels a little unfair to have to do it, but I also don't want my alarm to wake pdaughter on the off-chance that the day comes when Bean decides to sleep past 6:00. Of course, that day has yet to materialise now that the sun is rising earlier every day, so I think I just need to let go of that fear and set my damned alarm.
The corollary to this is that if I'm going to take the metaphorical axe to about one and a half to two hours of sleep every night I'm home, I'm going to have to find the energy somewhere else. The only thing I can think of is food, by which I mean better nutrition, and trying to get more exercise. That means taking the dog for walks when I'm home, which will be good for both of us. I can at least try to time the walks for when I won't be inconveniencing anyone, which means during the mornings on weekdays. On weekends I'm not sure when that would be, but I'll figure something out. I realise I don't have to be physically present every waking moment of the day, but I always feel guilty whenever I leave the house for any reason other than errands, because it feels selfish.
My friendbullonir suggested I try yoga, which is something I'd been considering. This is something I'd have to do when I'm in Ottawa, and I have to say that I can't quite see myself waking up half an hour earlier than I already do for work. 4:00 is already a brutal time to wake up. The idea of setting an alarm for 3:30 is kind of abhorrent. I might be able to do it if I get to bed by 19:30, but that's a tall order when I finish work at 17:30. For one thing, the night shift seem to arrive chronically late, so I often don't get to leave until 18:00 or even later, and then I get stuck in traffic from anywhere from half an hour to an hour. Which means I get home at 19:00 and I still haven't had dinner. I have to come home, unpack my lunch things, cook dinner, eat dinner, and then wash, dry, and put away all my dishes because my landlady has conniptions about my leaving dishes to dry in the rack overnight. I can't do all of that in half an hour and get ready for bed on top of it, it's simply not feasible. Heck, I have trouble with my current self-imposed bedtime of 20:00 when the traffic is really bad. Even on good days when the traffic is light and night shift is on time I get home at 18:15 at the earliest, which means I can usually make my regular bedtime.
That being said, yoga. I don't know if I could try doing it on my lunch break, or maybe after work (again, that cuts into sleep time, but somehow it seems less awful if I postpone bedtime rather than move up my wake-up time). I'm going to see if I can find some very simple moves/routines online, and try to incorporate those into my day. Can't hurt, right?
Apart from eating and getting more exercise, I'm taking my vitamins every day and sticking to my new caffeine-free lifestyle. So far it's going pretty well. I've been bringing decaf to work in order to have something warm to drink, but at home I'm not having anything caffeinated at all, and I find I don't really miss it. I need to make a point of drinking more water, but overall I'm enjoying this. I can't say that it's increased my energy or done anything in particular for me health-wise, but it's early days yet. Actually, it's been slightly over three weeks. Still early in the game, though. I've been remembering my dreams a lot more, though I don't know if it's due to quitting caffeine or just something in the air.
I'm looking forward to getting my results back from my doctor. Only two months to go. :P I'd really like to put this to rest. If there's something actually wrong, I'd like to fix it. If it turns out I'm just a whiner who needs to get over herself, I'd like to know that too.
pdaughter is the one who ended up dealing with the latter for the better part of the week, as I had to head back to Ottawa for work on Tuesday afternoon. I suppose that, aside from that, it hasn't been much busier than usual, though it felt that way.I'll confess that I haven't much felt like updating this week either. I feel like I've been in a terrible mood forever, and while in the past I've not hesitated to write about that here, I'm a little tired of myself. Okay, a lot tired of myself. It honestly feels like the only emotion I've got these days is irritation-bordering-on-anger, and it takes every single ounce of spare energy I have to keep a lid on it and try to make myself not unpleasant to be around.
I'm not really successful at it, either. Every waking moment is a fight with myself to remain if not cheerful and upbeat, then at least civil, and I'm using up energy that I can't replenish. So every day I have just that much fewer resources to draw upon in my struggle to be a functional human being that people don't hate being around, and I'm a little worried about what's going to happen when those reserves run out. Basically, I'm terrible company these days, and the only reason I don't shut myself away in a closet somewhere when I'm not at work is because I have responsibilities that I'm trying very hard not to shirk. Not that I'm doing a great job with those, either.
So, yeah. Failing on all counts.
In less fail-y news, I have been making a concerted effort to eat more nutritiously of late. This week was my first attempt at mason jar salads, which I've mentioned here before, and so far it's been a success. The mason jars hold a LOT of salad, let me tell you. I need to tweak my technique a bit, because I ended up with a lot more lettuce than I needed, and the grated carrots that one site recommended as my first layer was a terrible idea, as they absorbed all my salad dressing. Overall, though, it was very tasty, and super pretty as a bonus. I keep forgetting how much I love fresh salad with interesting ingredients until I start making them again and remind myself.
I've also made a conscious effort to include more vegetables in my meals in general when I'm at work. I don't cook when I'm home, unless it's very simple meals like pasta and tomato sauce, or things that
pdaughter makes more regularly, as Bean tends to view my own cooking with distaste even at the best of times. So even though my kitchen here is more limited in terms of tools, I've decided to try experimenting a bit, and to try making sure that I get a variety of veggies (that won't bankrupt me!) in a variety of dishes. This week has been mason jar salads and breakfast smoothies. Next week I may try something else.My plan is to try to reduce my consumption of complex carbs and up my consumption of veggies and protein, though I don't intend to eliminate any particular foods completely. Just a slight switch around from my normal fare. I've been relying all too much on pasta of late, and I don't think it's doing me any favours.
Part of this is because I really love cooking and I miss being able to do it. The other part is that I'm trying to find a magical recipe for not feeling like warmed-over death all the time. I figure loading up with happy food nutrients can't be a bad thing. I'm trying to include more iron-rich foods in my diet, too, to see if that helps at all.
I said in a previous entry that I'd been sleeping in until 7:30 or even 8:00 on days when I'm home, and I can't seem to correct that particular habit. I don't even hear when
pdaughter gets up in the morning, I'm that dead to the world. It's not fair to anyone to have me sleeping in like that, and so I think I need to get over my reluctance to set an alarm on my days off. Mostly it's because it feels a little unfair to have to do it, but I also don't want my alarm to wake pdaughter on the off-chance that the day comes when Bean decides to sleep past 6:00. Of course, that day has yet to materialise now that the sun is rising earlier every day, so I think I just need to let go of that fear and set my damned alarm.The corollary to this is that if I'm going to take the metaphorical axe to about one and a half to two hours of sleep every night I'm home, I'm going to have to find the energy somewhere else. The only thing I can think of is food, by which I mean better nutrition, and trying to get more exercise. That means taking the dog for walks when I'm home, which will be good for both of us. I can at least try to time the walks for when I won't be inconveniencing anyone, which means during the mornings on weekdays. On weekends I'm not sure when that would be, but I'll figure something out. I realise I don't have to be physically present every waking moment of the day, but I always feel guilty whenever I leave the house for any reason other than errands, because it feels selfish.
My friend
bullonir suggested I try yoga, which is something I'd been considering. This is something I'd have to do when I'm in Ottawa, and I have to say that I can't quite see myself waking up half an hour earlier than I already do for work. 4:00 is already a brutal time to wake up. The idea of setting an alarm for 3:30 is kind of abhorrent. I might be able to do it if I get to bed by 19:30, but that's a tall order when I finish work at 17:30. For one thing, the night shift seem to arrive chronically late, so I often don't get to leave until 18:00 or even later, and then I get stuck in traffic from anywhere from half an hour to an hour. Which means I get home at 19:00 and I still haven't had dinner. I have to come home, unpack my lunch things, cook dinner, eat dinner, and then wash, dry, and put away all my dishes because my landlady has conniptions about my leaving dishes to dry in the rack overnight. I can't do all of that in half an hour and get ready for bed on top of it, it's simply not feasible. Heck, I have trouble with my current self-imposed bedtime of 20:00 when the traffic is really bad. Even on good days when the traffic is light and night shift is on time I get home at 18:15 at the earliest, which means I can usually make my regular bedtime.That being said, yoga. I don't know if I could try doing it on my lunch break, or maybe after work (again, that cuts into sleep time, but somehow it seems less awful if I postpone bedtime rather than move up my wake-up time). I'm going to see if I can find some very simple moves/routines online, and try to incorporate those into my day. Can't hurt, right?
Apart from eating and getting more exercise, I'm taking my vitamins every day and sticking to my new caffeine-free lifestyle. So far it's going pretty well. I've been bringing decaf to work in order to have something warm to drink, but at home I'm not having anything caffeinated at all, and I find I don't really miss it. I need to make a point of drinking more water, but overall I'm enjoying this. I can't say that it's increased my energy or done anything in particular for me health-wise, but it's early days yet. Actually, it's been slightly over three weeks. Still early in the game, though. I've been remembering my dreams a lot more, though I don't know if it's due to quitting caffeine or just something in the air.
I'm looking forward to getting my results back from my doctor. Only two months to go. :P I'd really like to put this to rest. If there's something actually wrong, I'd like to fix it. If it turns out I'm just a whiner who needs to get over herself, I'd like to know that too.