Corner of Bourbon & Division

The panic hasn't set in yet. I'm moving in two weeks, have got absolutely nothing done, and am fighting against a rising tide of mystery tired. The panic is supposed to trigger adrenaline which in turn will lead to packing, but right now all I've managed to do is go to work, sleep, and put food in my body. I haven't even been eating particularly healthy lately, because I haven't had the wherewithal to cook. I'm not eating absolute junk, but there's been a lot of frozen meals and snack foods.

I don't know if the current amount of tired I'm feeling is the remnants of Covid, or the result of working a fuckton of shifts in a row including evenings, weekends, and now nights, or the result of being stressed and out of shape, or if I'm just one of the unlucky people who don't ever get to feel better when using a CPAP. Or an unholy combination of any or all of it.

*screams into the void*

Yes, I am being melodramatic. It will pass, I promise. ;) Right now, though, all of my feelings are "Woe, and darkness, and teh sad." I really, really wish that my brain's reaction to stress wasn't to go directly into overwhelm and shutdown. It would be so  nice if I had socially acceptable dysfunctional coping mechanisms, you know? I could be a compulsive cleaner, or a compulsive exerciser, but noooooo. I stress eat and procrastinate and doomscroll or play video games. The closest I've come to a "productive" coping mechanism is occasionally baking cookies or making soup.

*lies on the floor*

*screams into the void some more*

I had my meeting with the two M&C folks today, and they were so nice and so sweet to me, and even suggested that I have a "packing party" to get the house packed up. I will see how I get on with packing until the end of next week, and if I'm still in as much trouble as I think I'm in now, I will put up a plea for help on Facebook.

I think part of it is that I haven't had enough sleep this week. I got no sleep on Monday, then only six hours of sleep on Tuesday, and barely scraped together five non-consecutive hours yesterday (because of the aforementioned meeting). I am going to sleep as much as I can today because I have to get up early again tomorrow to go to the credit union. It has also been ungodly hot the past few days, thank you climate change. 

I'm not sure it's worth updating if I feel as though I have nothing to say, but then that's the kind of thinking that made me stop posting to LiveJournal completely, so maybe I will blather on witlessly for a while.

Tomorrow I shall make a quick Christmas recap post. For some reason, on the computer at work, the LiveJournal interface is absolute crap no matter which browser I use. I get weird overlapping white windows that prevent me from seeing drop-down menus (like for selecting a mood or a userpic) and the tag selection box, and whenever I try to add in pictures it doesn't show me the code at all. So I'm at once perplexed and annoyed and have no idea how to fix it. At least on my own computer these things don't happen. So tomorrow there will be a more picture-ful entry with details about Christmas.

Overall we had a great day yesterday. I was up first at 7:00 in order to take a shower, and pdaughter got up at the same time. Bean was up 15 minutes later, so she was able to capture his reaction to the Christmas tree and all the presents on film. The morning was spent very pleasantly opening presents, and pdaughter's father showed up around 9:30 or 10:00 to make the gathering complete. Unfortunately I had to leave for work by 1pm, but the morning made it well worth it. I'm just sad I wasn't able to stay longer to watch Bean play with his new toys.

Work, thankfully enough, has been pretty quiet. I've been finishing up the Soopar Seekrit Prodgikt, which, as some of you know, was the 4th Doctor's scarf, which I was making for pdaughter for Christmas. I'm busily weaving in ends, and once that's done I need to attach the tassels. This has to be by far the longest project I've ever worked on, including the Baby Blanket of Doom of 2009. Thus far, because I am a slow knitter, I think I've put about 70 hours of work into this thing.

( Boring planning stuff behind the cut )

Work looks to be busy today, so this is a fly-by post.

I am very, very tired. Spent the night before last up with a sick Bean for about an hour, and slept very poorly the rest of the time. Ended up getting up at 6am to work on the Soopar Seekrit Prodgikt, then made breakfast, got dressed and went outside to shovel. Finished shovelling, came back in to pack and have lunch, then left for Ottawa for work in the sleet and snow and slush, which added an extra hour or so to my travel time. Good thing the neighbour bailed me out with his snowblower--the snow removal company came about five hours after I called to tell them I needed to leave at noon (they came around 4pm, I was told). I am not overly impressed, given that the girl I talked to gave me the impression she would be sending someone quite soon. I guess our definitions of "soon" differ considerably.

Got the rest of my shopping done (groceries and a couple of last-minute Christmas additions) in spite of holiday crowds and very cranky people. I went out of my way to be extra nice to the cashiers and other store employees because this must be the very worst time of the year for them, and I figured they could use at least one customer who wasn't being a tool, even though I was feeling quite out of sorts.

Got home, had a quick dinner, then realised I had forgotten the power cable to the laptop in Montreal, as previously stated. So I decided "fuck it" and went to bed at eight. Since I get up at 4am to go to work, that gets me eight hours of sleep. I slept badly again, though not as badly as the night before. Apparently the days when I used to be able to sleep well are gone, vanished practically overnight. I am sad about this, because I never get enough sleep as it is (due to the nature of my work), so the only thing saving me was the fact that when I did sleep, I got really good quality sleep. I figure now it's only a matter of time before this new facet of sleep deprivation catches up to me and I'll either get really really sick or I'll have some sort of horrible accident because my brain was too fogged to react in time. *sigh*

Yesterday's time-suck of a day meant almost no work on the Soopar Seekrit Prodgikt. I am behind as all hell, and if I have to gift it still on the needles I will cry.