Forgetful Jones and the Extra Post About Nesting

[mousme]

It occurs to me that I may have to find myself a "Forgetful Jones" icon from Sesame Street. So many icons, so little space and time. *sigh*


I am not sure whether I should be writing about this. It seems, well, kind of premature. Not to mention it feels a little bit like I'm exposing part of myself that I've always kept a little sheltered from the cold wide world. But then again, I think that may just be my paranoia talking.

I had a little bit of a crisis in May of 2005, directly after coming back from the Rural Wastelands, better known as the home of prolixfootle (*waves* Miss you, sweetie! Start posting again!), and detouring by the Godforsaken Howling Wilderness to visit with wultabat and looking4wings. It wasn't a bad crisis. Nothing crazy-making or anything like that. Just a... I don't know. A panicky realization that I was 26 years old and was nowhere near doing anything with my life that made sense.

While I was out there, I remembered quite suddenly a whole lot of things that were important to me: my friends, my family, and being out in nature. It's not that I didn't know any of these things before, it's just that I had let all of my priorities get out of whack for, oh, three or four years while I sorted out the crazy in my head. Once that was sorted out, everything else came swooshing back in with a vengeance.

I have to admit to wanting to be involved in social and ecological activism for purely selfish reasons. I've always, since I was a little girl, wanted to live in the country. The city, for all that I love it in its own way, makes me feel trapped and claustrophobic after a while. So I want the whole world to collaborate so that I can live my little dream in a small house, unencumbered by pollution and socio-political wank.

In essence, for the past two years, I've been fighting off an ever-growing nesting instinct. I want to have a house, and I want to fill it with pets and children. Two years ago I had no money. I was in debt, in a dead-end job with no prospects of anything ever getting better. Things have changed since then, obviously. I'm still not well off, but I'm better off than I was. Still, at best I will have to be content with delayed gratification when it comes to having a house. At worst, and this is what I see on bad days, I will be stuck renting a three-room apartment for the rest of my life.

I know things could be much, much worse. I am grateful for what I do have. But occasionally I do feel the lack of a home filled with family and friends, quite keenly. It's a gnawing, aching void, and there are moments when I wonder if it isn't going to tear me apart.

Comments

[urban-homestead.livejournal.com]

Most people put off buying a house longer than they need to. You actually don't need as much money as you think - you can always get mortgage insurance if your downpayment is too small. It might be worth talking to your bank and asking what the minimum you'd need before buying would be.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Sadly, my credit rating is crap right now. I figure it'll take five to seven years before I'll have enough money for a downpayment. Right now I'm concentrating on getting rid of my remaining debts, rebuilding my credit, and putting some money aside. After that I'll worry about the actual house part.

But thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it.

You just reminded me...

[elanya.livejournal.com]

I have a friend in Wisconsin who just signed up to work liek 5 hours a week on a communal farm/garden sort of thing in exchange for fresh veggies. It made me think of you! Not that you have a lot (Any?) free time, but if you do later on, I'd be surprised if there wasn't something similar around where you are.

[bodhifox.livejournal.com]

But occasionally I do feel the lack of a home filled with family and friends, quite keenly. It's a gnawing, aching void, and there are moments when I wonder if it isn't going to tear me apart.

I've tried to accomplish this here. We've accomplished a lot since A and I got together: 2002-married, 2003-child, 2004-house, 2006-another child... Something happened in 2005, I can't remember what. But the goal, of a decent house, plot of land, friends close by isn't really possible here. Something short of it? Yes, of course. The goal is our own business for at least one of us in space in Vermont.

I am blessed, but I still feel the pull towards the next step. I'm glad for you that you have friends you can go visit. When we have space you'll be welcome to come down to see us too. But I wish for you the situation you desire with all good wishes.

[sorceror.livejournal.com]

Ah, the quarter-life crisis. I remember it well. :-P

These days, it's apparently pretty common.

[pasley.livejournal.com]

Would that it were simply a quarter-life crisis! I am close to ten years older than mouseme, I have a partner and a child and am very happy with my family. . . but not owning a house and a garden ("by a lake or river or ocean!" she dreams) gnaws at me frequently.

It doesn't help that, at my age and stage of life, I'm pretty much expected to have a house. I have even had individuals reproach me for raising my daughter in an apartment! (That's when I'm not being chastised for raising her as an only child.)

Mouseme, I hear ya, and I sympathize. There's a reason why Yeats' poem "The Lake Isle of Innisfree" is my favorite poem, especially the final stanza: "I will arise and go now, for always night and day/ I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;/While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,/ I hear it in the deep heart's core." I love the city, but . . .

[conscioussoul.livejournal.com]

What about being 34 and not having a family? A woman I really want to share my life with? Children? Sadly, it seems i'll be able to reach the house goal faster than the familly goal. What's broken with me?

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Nothing's broken, sweetie. I know lots and lots of people (men especially) who didn't get married until their late thirties and who are now happily ensconced in family life. :)

Oh; and since you need it...

[sorceror.livejournal.com]

Stolen/snarfed from Wikipedia (which knows everything):



Caption as you wish. ^_^

[joenotcharles.livejournal.com]

Man, I can't believe I forgot all about Forgetful Jones! Of all the Sesame Street characters to completely drop out of my brain - I guess he has to be the most appropriate.

[conscioussoul.livejournal.com]

Hopefuly with our peak-oil project, who knows, maybe the nature part of that dream can come true. That is, IF there is some Nature left in a few years, anyway, at the rate we are wasting it. Hurgh. Guess I am not in a cheerful mood today ;)

Good gravy, child...

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

You're 26. I don't regard myself as old and I'll be 44 this year. If there's a grand, overarching purpose for my life, I certainly haven't found it yet. I'm just happy to be alive and existing in such an interesting place. Perspective is good. Life is for living now, not to be regretted for all of the living you feel you haven't done.

As for the world, it will sort itself out, in the long run, if not the short run. Your worrying about it is not going to change it in any significant way, if you involve yourself in politics. Pushing people around, and this is precisely what "activism" and politics is all about, is no way to address sticky problems which would be intractibly complex even if addressed in cooperative arenas. I see politics as a waste of time. The world would be a better place if people had much less respect for politics.

Make of your own life what you want it to be. There's nothing wrong with such "selfish reasons." You can't help anyone else until you put yourself in a position where you have the resources to do so, for starters, and besides it's your life. Whatever you do for yourself that enriches your existence and does not injure others unjustly is perfectly justified. You're good people, and I'm sure you'll accomplish the things you want for yourself, even if you're discouraged now.

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
-- Leo Tolstoy

[wultabat.livejournal.com]

Hugs!

R&B

On an entirely different subject...

[wultabat.livejournal.com]

We lost Sassy yesterday to cancer. Sad day in the valley.

Thankfully it was quick... only 2 weeks from when we saw the first signs. Didn't have a clue until the vet diagnosed it.

Pepper & Kitten seem down about it. Us too... she was a sweetie.

R

Re: On an entirely different subject...

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so sorry, Rod. Give a hug to the WOSM and extra pats to Kitten and Pepper for me, please.

I'll be up this weekend, too, so I can give hugs in person.

[vureoelt.livejournal.com]

Biological clocks are fiendish. *hugs*