mousme: A view of a woman's legs from behind, wearing knee-high rainbow socks. The rest of the picture is black and white. (Reason is a Flawed Tool)
[personal profile] mousme
i'm averaging one post a month. That's... actually better than what I was managing before, but it's not quite the prolific journaling I had imagined myself doing.

Part of the problem, of course, is that I'm not doing much with my days. The only thing I'd be able to write about is my circular thought patterns, and how many hours of Borderlands 2 I've logged in a day. Not exactly the most exciting or uplifting stuff, you know? I'm still off work, and most of my days are spent puttering around the house, taking the dog for short walks, playing Pokémon (while on said short walks), and bopping from one doctor's appointment to the next.

I used to be a lot more confessional in this journal, but now I feel like I have a weird case of stage fright. It's most likely been brought about by the slew of new people I've added. You all seem really cool and interesting, but I don't know you, and I guess I'm past the point in my life where I feel comfortable sharing the more intimate parts of myself with people I don't know well. Those of you who aren't new to this LJ will doubtless already be well-acquainted with my failings at intimacy, and not be at all surprised. :P

I'm giving therapy another shot, after over 13 years since the last time I did it. The last time was group therapy, and it was an unmitigated disaster. I hated it intensely. I also had a brief few sessions with a student, who upon learning that I'd once dyed my hair green asked me if I'd done it to make myself ugly on purpose (o_O), and also seemed convinced that I couldn't possibly be gay. He had very rigid views about what was and wasn't appropriate, didn't understand much about gender or sexuality outside of cisgendered heteronormativity, and I felt like I was educating him most of the time. It was exhausting.

Anyway, I'm trying again. The new therapist seems nice. She's also a student (I'm going through a program at St. Paul's University), but she seems less horrified by LGBT stuff and geeky things than my previous therapist, by which I mean not at all. I saw her yesterday for the second time, and she asked me how I thought things were going, to which I didn't really have a response. I mean, am I supposed to see major changes after two sessions? I thought this was meant to be a longer process, to be honest. :P We'll see. I'm going to keep with it until the money runs out (some of this is covered by insurance, at least).

I'm off work until August 31st, at which point I'm seeing my doctor, and we'll proceed from there.

I had a really lovely weekend, at least. I went to visit [livejournal.com profile] fearsclave and his lovely wife, and spent two days going on Pokéwalks, having delicious food, learning how to play Go, and fishing. It was awesome, and I wish we could get together more often.

Date: 2016-08-17 06:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] prolixfootle.livejournal.com
Don't forget, you can set up a custom friends group to control who sees an entry - if you're wanting to share with us users from 'the good ol' days'...

http://www.livejournal.com/support/faq/102.html

Just sayin'...

Date: 2016-08-18 02:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mousme.livejournal.com
I do remember, thanks! I need to go in and clean up my old custom groups anyway. I mostly tried to get out of the habit of filtering/locking my posts unless I'm talking about private stuff that involves other people (whose privacy I'd need to protect, like children, significant others, etc.), because otherwise I find I just get bogged down and don't post at all.

I was re-reading old entries during the last few days, and came across my posts from when [livejournal.com profile] fearsclave and I visited you. Good times. Can you believe it's been eleven years?

Date: 2016-08-18 12:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] de-nugis.livejournal.com
Good luck with the therapy. I had a great therapist the first time I tried, but she was at the student center and could only do a small number of appointments, and then the next person I went to was useless, so I just stopped. But I think if you have the chance to shop around for a good fit and think about what's unhelpful and what's helpful, that's probably itself a therapeutic thing.

Solidarity for people with dull lives!

Date: 2016-08-18 02:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mousme.livejournal.com
*fistbump*

I'm going to give it the good old college try. I don't really like straight "talk therapy." I like there to be goals, and things to think about, and not just constant navel-gazing. I do enough of that on my own, and don't need to pay someone to listen to me think out loud. We've talked about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, so hopefully we'll be giving that a go.

Date: 2016-08-18 07:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guruwench.livejournal.com
Dropping in to say hi, we love you, and we hope you're feeling better soonest. We also know these things take time.

Also, the wedding is eating my brain! We should have you over (when we have a spare moment) to gush about wedding bits, if you'd like. :)

Date: 2016-08-19 12:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kiwano.livejournal.com
I've taken to interacting with monks a bunch in the past few months (because a friend of mine went off to be one; see my LJ for a little more information), and they're often asking me how my (meditation) practice is going. I don't think it's quite the same as the therapists asking how things are going, but sometimes I have a similar sense of it being awfully soon after the last time I was asked. (Of course they have twice-daily interviews with their abbot, which seem to address the same question, so compared to that, I suppose that I'm going an awfully long time between instances of the question).

Date: 2016-08-19 01:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chasingthenuns.livejournal.com
My husband is the type of person who can spill his guts to a therapist and have major break throughs by session 2. I am the type that may have told you my last name by session 2, but you will never know my middle name. Words don't leave my mouth so easily. Maybe your new therapist is used to dealing with people like my husband?

Date: 2016-08-20 01:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] colesdragon.livejournal.com
I also, sometimes get LJ stage fright, but mine's more along the lines of, "No one's going to be interested in reading this anyway, why post it?"

Good luck with therapy. The few times I've done it were extremely helpful, but I was lucky enough to find good people who didn't have lgbt-phobia.

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