An ongoing frustration

[mousme]

Why is it that so many people have difficulty with the concept of an "irrational fear/belief?"

Telling me: "You shouldn't feel that way, because it's not true/not necessary/counterproductive/potentially self-destructive," is NOT going to make the neurosis/anxiety go away.

Hello? I KNOW it's irrational. Hence my stating at the outset that it's irrational. I know it's there, and I'm working on it, but it will not just go away if I snap my fingers.

It's like telling me to calm down when I'm upset. Same logic.

"Calm down? Wow! What a concept! I sure wish I'd thought of that before. Good thing you mentioned it! Let me flip this switch and not be upset now." :P

Comments

[sultrysong.livejournal.com]

I get that alla damn time. "You hate the phone? It's just a phone, dude." Yeah, okay, but it takes, on a good week, two days for me to gear up for a phone call. Is that irrational? Hell, yeah. Is it a fear? N'duh.

People with "rational" fears will never understand.

[luvenditti.livejournal.com]

Do you feel the same way about email, or is it just the phone, or all forms of communication other than standing in front of you? It just occured to me reading this, that I've never asked.

[sultrysong.livejournal.com]

Only the phone. I swear to god, email saved my life.

[heartofawarrior.livejournal.com]

A-freaking-men! It's like telling the insomniac to "well, just stop staying up so late!" if they're tired the next day...*glares pointedly at dad*

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Or, as my friend joane and I have commiserated about before, telling an insomniac: "Well, have you tried a glass of warm milk before bed?"

STABBITYKILL!

[heartofawarrior.livejournal.com]

Seriously! I just want to snap "Gee, I never thought of that! Here, it's taken me so many years of trying different strategies, and being miserable, wishing there was SOMETHING that would work, and you come along and solve my problem in less than 15 seconds! Well done!"

Though I think this might not achieve the desired effect, as these people don't seem to have functional sarcasm detectors...;-)

[mousme.livejournal.com]

So many people seem to have that problem. It's like their default setting is Straight Man. ;)

[heartofawarrior.livejournal.com]

Bingo! Silly world, humor's for intelligent people! *snicker*

[owldaughter.livejournal.com]

Bwah-hah-hah-hah!

[whiskeygirl8.livejournal.com]

I had no idea that you and Phnee were friends. :D

[heartofawarrior.livejournal.com]

Hehe, fearsclave's journal has served as a place to meet lots of interesting folks :-D

[whiskeygirl8.livejournal.com]

I actually forgot that I met you through him. heh

I need to take you with me when I go to Canadaland next year. I already plan to take the journalist formerly known as usmcnavgeek (I forget his new name. And, yes, I know if I html is old name it will automatically change to his new name, but I like doing this better.)

[heartofawarrior.livejournal.com]

*giggles like mad*

His new name is overdesigned ;-) I actually had a nice IM convo with him last night - much-needed giggling ensued. Exactly the sort of thing I needed after a long day at the hospital. :-) I'd be sunk without my little support network of LJ friends.

[whiskeygirl8.livejournal.com]

He's a really good guy. I've very much enjoyed the couple of times he's passed through here and stayed a little while. I actually think a road trip with you two would be a blast. Although you are a little further away. hmmm...

[swestrup]

The explanation is simple: they're full of stupid.

I think we need a new slogan or something:

"Smart people must be ever vigilant, because Stupidity never sleeps."

[terheyt.livejournal.com]

I think it's a facet of an ongoing myth about metal illness, encouraged by self-help books and therapists.

Crazy people, you see, only need to realize WHY they are crazy, and then it all gets better immediately. Especially if that why was associated with past trauma.

This attitude makes me want to wring necks.

[whiskeygirl8.livejournal.com]

I don't think you were there the night that fearsclave's friends who like to hunt ghosts were there that summer I visited. Well, we were all sitting around the fire and they were talking about EVP and then people started telling ghost stories and I got freaked out. I said that it made no sense, because I don't believe in ghosts, but when I hear people telling stories about their ghost experiences I get scared. The guy that was with them said something about how I should just think of the fact that the ghosts are probably benevolent ghosts. I said, "No, really, it's irrational. It cannot be made OK by thinking anything like that since I don't believe in ghosts to begin with. That's the whole irrational part."

People also try to convince me that birds are OK (interestingly, people who have birds as pets and love birds do not do this) and I shouldn't be afraid of them. Well, duh. I mean, I can rationalize that I can easily kill that bird if I felt it was an actual threat because they have small, brittle bones and are generally pretty small in comparison to me. Amazingly enough, that doesn't seem to change the fact that I have an irrational fear of birds (but only the flying ones. Which is funny since emus and ostriches could probably kill me.)

[miseri.livejournal.com]

People who have birds as pets KNOW that birds are evil and not-OK and that a fear of them is in fact perfectly rational. When the Avian Apocalypse comes, those idiots who mock your fear Shall Be Sorry.

Okay, seriously? This reminds me of something I read somewhere, that elephants fear mice *because* mice are small and easily killed, and elephants don't particularly like stepping on them by accident. So maybe your fear is more connected to the possibility of accidentally killing the bird than the possibility of it killing you...?

[whiskeygirl8.livejournal.com]

No, it's pretty much that they fly and I've been dive-bombed a lot and they move really weird and their eyes are on the sides of their heads and they just freak me out. Oh, and the beaks. You know, they could peck your eyes out. And that thing where they gather in very, very large groups just before flying south for the winter. That's just freaky. Look, cats don't even do that and we all know the cats are plotting to take over the world.

But, mostly it's the flying. Penguins are awesome.

[miseri.livejournal.com]

Okay, I can relate to that. I feel similarly about worms and other tiny squishy invertebrates. They're *squirmy*, ick, and I can't shake the feeling that if I touched one, I would get something Exceedingly Icky all over me.

Yet I can eat escargot. I, uh, try not to think about it.

(I dithered for such a long time when I discovered huge fat icky caterpillars on the grapevine I'd planted. Ended up using chopsticks to pull them off the plant and drop them into alcohol, and never ever taking that pair of chopsticks indoors ever again.)

AAAGH The F'GAAAAHH!!

[ankhorite.livejournal.com]

I can easily kill that bird if I felt it was an actual threat because they have small, brittle bones and are generally pretty small in comparison to me.

Spiders. I am a Very Large Woman. VERY LARGE.

No spider, not even the dread camel spiders of Iraq, are even 1% of my size. A normal spider (anything smaller than dime-sized, IMHO) is not even .001% of my size.

But AAAGH The F'GAAAAHH!!

[luvenditti.livejournal.com]

I once convinced myself that there was a shark in my neighbor's pool ... while LOOKING IN the pool.

[borrowedwings.livejournal.com]

Oh, WORD. I hate being told, "don't feel that way." Um, I don't control how I feel. I control how I respond to it, yes, and if I know something's irrational, I'll work on it, but, like you said, it doesn't magically disappear.

I also seethe when I'm told to get over it. Oh, is that all I have to do? Why didn't I think of that? Let me just write myself a note, "Get over it."

I used to be good friends with a guy who was allergic to dairy products. Not lactose intolerant, but seriously allergic to dairy protein and would become violently ill. Without fail, every time the allergy was mentioned, the immediate response would be "can't you just take lactaid ultra?" No, dumbass, I would have thought of that...

[the-xtina.livejournal.com]

Usually I respond with some variation on, "I would never have thought of that, had you not told me.  I shall stop having this irrational fear now!  Thank you so much!"

But then, I despise that kind of obvious-level horseshit more than I desire to be nice.

(I am dark-o-phobic, and I have anxiety.  So I get the occasional "There's nothing to worry about!" thing, which enrages me beyond reason.)

[mousme.livejournal.com]

I respond that way too, unfortunately the recipient usually gets all huffy. I have to gauge whether or not I'm willing to deal with the ensuing drama. And here I thought *I* was the one with rationality problems!

I have this fallacious belief (must work on correcting that) that if only I explain to people that I have anxiety about certain things, then they will understand and back the fuck off.

Unfortunately, 99% of the time, instead of backing off, they respond with: "Well, there's no reason to feel that way!" As if telling me this will automatically fix things.

*headdesk*

[the-xtina.livejournal.com]

If I am feeling slightly more kind, I'll ask them what they think "anxiety" means to them.  Do they think it means unexaminedly nervous?  Then how can I both know I have anxiety and also not know not to be anxious, if that's all it takes?

I think "more kind" means "more like a dick".  Aheh.  I will either be full of rage, or I will poke them until they get to the point where they realise they're full of shit, or until I realise they're useless.

Really, it's like people telling me, if I'm having a computer problem, that I should reboot.  Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, really?

Now I am all irritated at imaginary people.

Understand what you do not understand -- is that an unreasonable expectation?

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

You do realize, don't you, that your expectation, that someone who does not have an unreasonable fear/belief, understand and act as they would if they did in fact understand what it's like to have an unreasoning fear/belief, is just as unrealistic as it is for somone to tell you to just disregard an irrational fear/belief. Isn't it funny how, at the end of the day, that people who have irrational fears and beliefs are just as human as those who do not have them.