Corner of Bourbon & Division

I slept in until 7:30 today, which was really nice. Woke up at 4am with cramps, which did not impress me, but after about half an hour I was able to go back to sleep, so it wasn't a total loss.

I had a very unpleasant dream toward the end of the night. We were having a barbecue or a party of some kind in the back yard. This was one of those dreams in which your house and back yard look nothing like reality but you know they're yours anyway. So all our friends were there, the kids were all running around having a great time chasing each other. It was the height of summer, the sky was piercingly blue, the sun hot, the grass bright green and healthy, and we were all having a great time, right up until I noticed people walking by on the street, holding up picketing signs. When I looked more closely, I could see that the signs all had terrible homophobic and transpohobic slogans written on them in garish red and black paint.

It turned out that the people weren't coming by, they were specifically coming to picket our party. They all lined up around the garden fence and chanted and yelled and catcalled, and I was really worried that Bean, who was there and dressed up in his favourite skirt and jewellery, would realise what they were saying and be terribly hurt by it. Two of the picketers nearest me had a really awful sign about taking Cher's children away and throwing them into a fire (it made more sense in the dream, but I think the intent was pretty clear. Oddly, the message of hate seemed to be more about Cher than her dream-children? IDk.).

I was very distraught, and I knew I couldn't have them around where Bean and pdaughter might see. So I ran up to the fence and started yelling at them. I was yelling in French, I remember this clearly. I was hoping to shame them into leaving. "Homophobes!" I yelled as loudly as I could (same word in both languages). When I got their attention and they were all looking at me, I continued. "Vous n'êtes pas bienvenus ici!"

They sneered at me, and we had a bit of a Mexican stand-off after that. I don't recall how the dream ended, but I have a feeling that I essentially won the stand-off, because I could feel my friends and family rallying behind me and also calling for the picketers to leave.


Unrelatedly, I remembered a dream I had a few weeks ago in which I accidentally kidnapped Albert Einstein's dog. I was walking my own dog with my parents, who were also walking their dog (they don't have one IRL), and we crossed paths with Einstein, who was walking his dog off-leash with a friend. To my utmost embarrassment my father was all over Einstein, trying to get him to remember that one time they'd met at a friend's dinner party, and Einstein had no clue who my father was. It's kind of ironic, because with my father it's usually the reverse that happens, as he's actually quite famous in his field.

We moved on while Einstein continued to chat with his friend, but to my dismay a few minutes later I realised that his dog had followed us rather than his master. I wanted to go back right away, but both my parents laughed it off and said that the dog would get all the exercise it needed, and that it wasn't like Einstein didn't know where to find us if he wanted to get his dog back.

So that's how I inadvertently kidnapped Albert Einstein's dog. :P

I'm going back to Ottawa tomorrow. It feels like my days off just fly by. I spend more full days in Ottawa than I do at home, thanks to my schedule and the commute, and it's wearying. I would much rather be home than be in a place I don't fully belong with people I don't really know.

In the meantime, today I'm taking it easy. Ish. I'm actually still in my pyjamas, though I'm going to change that in a bit. I am going to do some writing (I would like to hit 2k today) and maybe even some reading while laundry gets done. I have about three, maybe four hours left to myself, and I plan to make the most of them. Even when pdaughter is home I'll still be able to do quiet things, as we usually just hang out in the same room and do our thing, which is one of my favourite activities in the world. I don't know, I think it's an introvert thing, wherein I like being with my loved ones without necessarily interacting with them. I spend my childhood in the same room as my parents while we were all reading different books, each on our own chairs or sofas. Those are some of my best memories.

One day back at work, and it's like I never left. So I came home, heated up some chili (which is divine, by the way, thank you for asking: I added in some hot peppers whose name escapes me, and some spicy Italian sausage, just because I could), and am treating myself to a White Russian (see icon). I may have a second one. I may need to buy more vodka at this rate. Never let it be said that I am not true to my mother's heritage. It's proper Russian vodka, too, none of that shitty Absolut stuff.

I am recovering from a day of too many people talking to me all the time and forever and ever amen. People I had to listen to, because that's my job. By the end of the day, though, I was snarling at the phone as it rang. I did my job courteously and professionally, but in my head all I could think was "Shut up and go way! Shut up shut up shut up NO I WON'T RUN THOSE FIVE PLATES FOR YOU AGAIN BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION THE FIRST TIME, YOU ASS!" Not that the guys were being addle-pated idiots today or anything. ;)

If these little breaks away from work drive anything home for me, it's just how much of an introvert I really am. Sure, I like seeing all my friends (love you all: mwah!), but most of the time I spent in the last ten days was alone time. I puttered on the internet, I ran errands, I wrote letters, I read books and watched some movies. Essentially, I recharged after months of dealing with people. Droves of people, in my space, all the freaking time.

Human contact is good for me. I know this. Left alone for too long, my mind starts going in circles and occasionally tries to kill me. So, not good. But on the whole, seeing friends once a week is more than sufficient for my "seeing of other human beings" quota. Less if it's a large group of friends or a particularly extroverted/exuberant friend. Not surprisingly, most of my friends are introverted to varying degrees.

I think this might be a large part of why I'm no good at relationships. Who on earth wants to be saddled with someone who can't stand human contact for at least 50% of their waking life? On the plus side, it's not like I hate being on my own. I love having my own quiet time, and I like my own company: I'm pretty interesting, after all, and I can make myself laugh like no one else can. ;)

But yes. Other people are work for me, with friends and family being pleasant work and with other interactions being just work. Even pleasant work takes its toll, though, and there are days when picking up phone messages or looking at email seems like a daunting task, never mind actually responding in a timely fashion. Since not doing it guarantees I'm going to lose important friendships (my parents will never give up on me, thank goodness), I've been making slow but sure progress over the past few years, and I disappear less than I used to, but I still do disappear occasionally.

Work doesn't help by keeping me constantly busy and exhausted and away from home, so that by the time I get home it's late and I have no energy and have only a few hours before I have to turn around and do it all again.

Why am I writing this? I have no idea. Maybe it's the vodka. Time for me to start winding down for the evening, since I have to go to work tomorrow. You're all shocked, I know, but there you go.