I think it's Monday

[mousme]

Still having weird disconnectedness problems due to scheduling woes. As of next week, however, I am back on my regular work schedule until further notice. Huzzah!

My theoretical trip to Oklahoma is a no-go, unfortunately. I am disappointed, but I know that it's probably a good thing, financially speaking, if I don't go. An entire week out of pocket, plus travel expenses, is not really something I can afford right now. *sigh* I really wanted to go, though. Next year, maybe. At this point it feels as though I'm never going to get any vacation time ever again. It's been nearly six years since my last real vacation. I did get a week of paid time off at Bell Mobility (well, five days' worth, anyway), but they forced me to take it in January 2003 when I had no money and no place to go, so it didn't feel like much of a vacation (I spent much of it cleaning, as I recall).

I am in a weird place, headspace-wise. I blame the weather, and the fact that I've had the weirdest schedule ever for a while. I really do much better on a regular schedule. Right now the apartment isn't clean, I have no books to read (well, almost no books), and I'm a little behind on Skywatch. I'm not in a terrible mood, but I'm less patient than I like to be, and I know that this behaviour pattern in me usually indicates that I'm more depressed than usual. I don't think it's anything more than just disthymia, attributable to the weather and erratic sleep patterns, but I rather hope I can shake myself out of it in the next two weeks or so. I want to get this place clean before the end of June (I know, most of you are boggling at the thought that it can take up to a month for me to clean the place), and preferably before the weather gets unbearably hot.

I have a list of things to do today that's as long as my arm, all of which cost money. *sigh* On the plus side, I am very much enjoying actually having the money to spend on doing all the stuff I need to do. I looked at my bank balance the day before yesterday, and was mildly shocked to see that it's in really good shape, considering it's the beginning of the month and I have rent to pay.

I don't think that I've ever been on top of my finances the way I am now. It's quite thrilling to be able to open a bill and not have to perform breathing exercises in order not to freak out while wondering how on earth I'm going to be able to pay it and continue eating.

I always used to think that I just wasn't budgeting properly, that I was somehow fundamentally deficient in the financial management aspect of my life. I am coming to realize, slowly but surely, that that is not the case. The problem was that I simply was not making enough money to cover my expenses. Getting rid of the car was a good start, but even without the car I would still have had some serious problems paying my bills, all of which are fairly basic (except for the internet, which is a luxury). I lived for years by shifting around what got paid and what didn't, a constant financial juggling act of trying to avoid "past due" notices on bills which I never had enough money to pay all at once.

I'm almost used to the idea of opening a bill and immediately pulling out my checkbook to deal with it. It still feels slightly odd and even wrong to be doing that. I still hold my breath when I pay something using Interac, even though I *know* there's money in there. I still expect my balance to be in the red at the beginning of every month (and at the end of every month). I am still surprised when it isn't.

Also, I am putting in regular contributions to an RRSP, without having it adversely affect my immediate financial affairs. I think that's what is helping to convince me that it really was the fact that I wasn't making enough money before, rather than some sort of deficiency on my part. Sure, creative budgeting is a good thing, but making a decent salary is much better. :)


The plan for today is to get food and a few summer clothes. I thought I had summer clothes until I went through my closet the other day and realized that I had to get rid of two of my favourite shirts last year, which I literally wore out through years of use. I have only one pair of jeans, which are also wearing out. I have very few summer tops that I can wear to work. So, clothes it is.

If I have time, I shall also possibly be getting myself a new toy. I have been pondering getting myself this toy since November or thereabouts, and I am 99% sure that it will be worth the investment for me. I shall have to go to the store and see the price of the toy and all attendant toy accessories (batteries not included, and all that) and see if it's within my budget for the time being.

I'm choosing to think of the toy as a consolation prize for not being able to go to Oklahoma.

Okay. I have to get going, otherwise none of the stuff on my list is ever going to get done.


Also, this icon was made for me by the lovely and talented toughlovemuse. It's Sisyphus, get it? ;)

Comments

[owldaughter.livejournal.com]

As soon as I saw the icon I said, "That is an awesome Sisyphus icon! Where did she get it?"

I know the summer clothes situation, having gone through it last week myself. I went through the box of summer clothes and was left with a handful of t-shirts and two summer skirts, apart from my jeans. I've finally worn the rest of my t-shirts and summer dresses out. I'm always mildly indignant when I have to replace clothes. They ought to last much longer than five to eight years.

[pasley.livejournal.com]

Congrats on your financial situation! It is an enviable position that you're in, bad schedule notwithstanding. Do splurge on yourself a little--you deserve it!

Dreaded summer clothes. . . I have plenty of summer clothes, but may not be able to get into many or most of them very soon. (Karine was so very right about being much bigger much sooner with the second pregnancy. I already look like I did last time at five months!) I have little or nothing in the way of summer maternity clothes, since Devon was a spring baby. Luckily, I have a friend who works at Reitman's and can get me a discount on maternity clothes. This is a shopping trip I will have to make soon, and not one I am looking forward to, since I a) am not especially fond of summer b) am generally not fond of summer clothes and c) am even more not fond of most maternity clothes, except for the expensive, designer ones that I could never justify buying, even if I could technically afford them!

[sorceror.livejournal.com]

Hooray for RRSP contributions! Just wait 'til you get some of that back when you file your taxes... it's a great feeling.

[owldaughter.livejournal.com]

Paze, I have a summer maternity dress I never got to wear -- bought it five days before the boy decided he wanted to rock with the band. It's a sundress, and was miles too big for me; I was going to have to take it in. Would you like to try it and see if it fits, for a while anyhow? It's a dark French blue with a very small scattered flower pattern, and has straps that cross over at the back. It's in a lovely cool fabric too.

I'd offer my other clothes but they were all spring things too. Never really got around to buying full-summer gear.

[luvenditti.livejournal.com]

When you said Sisyphus I got it. Before that I thought it was an abstract of some kind. It's that whole is it a woman or a vase thing.

[whiskeygirl8.livejournal.com]

D: I was really looking forward to taking you to Caravan and doing some line dancing.

But, Caravan will still be here next year. And I can always go up to the wild north again sometime. (Although, never in the winter.)

[pasley.livejournal.com]

I hope you don't think I was making some sort of thinly-veiled bid to borrow maternity clothes---I had naturally assumed that, like me, you didn't have any for summer! But thanks for the offer!

[owldaughter.livejournal.com]

I didn't take it as a veiled plea for mat clothes in the least; it's just the combination of "summer clothes" plus "maternity" finally triggered the memory. Actually, I may still have a summer skirt, too that I didn't pass along to Karine; I'll look.