Moments in time...

[mousme]

I'm going round in circles. There's an irrational part of me that likes to comb obsessively over past memories to figure out the exact moment at which life started getting away from me. As though such a moment exists. Even if it did, it wouldn't help to know what it was. Yet that part of me somehow really seems to think that it would make a difference.

Knowledge is power, right?

(Does that mean I could destroy a city if I memorised the Encyclopedia Britannica?)
My life isn't a sucking pit of anguish, don't get me wrong. It just feels as though I'm not in control of anything. I'm happy to relinquish some control, but not all of it, and right now I feel rather like when the steering wheel of my father's car came off in my hands while I was driving down a busy street.

I keep trying to fix things, but it's like putting a band-aid on an amputated limb: too little, too late, the patient is haemorrhaging to death, and at best will be a cripple for the rest of his life. Patch things up, limp along for a little while, holding your breath all the while as you wait for the next round of badness.

Meh. I'm going to go see my mother and watch 24. Good thing I learned important lessons about escapism early on in life. First books, then television, then roleplaying. Fiction is much easier to deal with than reality.

Comments

[foi-nefaste.livejournal.com]

Good thing I learned important lessons about escapism early on in life. First books, then television, then roleplaying. Fiction is much easier to deal with than reality.

... That's exactly what I was talking about with a friend of mine about 10 minutes ago. Except that, in order, I tend to go for sleeping, reading, role-playing, and then television. And when none of those are working (like, oh say, right now), I'm kinda screwed and have no idea what actual coping mechanisms are. It's annoying, really.

But, seriously. Good luck with this, huh.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

You and I should do bubble tea soon. Bubble tea is a pretty good substitute for good coping mechanisms. ;)

The order of my escape mechanisms was in terms of how much energy I have to expend to engage in each, in increasing order.

I forgot sleeping, but I don't do that as much anymore.

[foi-nefaste.livejournal.com]

Bubble tea, and soon, would be fantastic. :) This week isn't the best... mostly becuase I'm a bit of a mess (for the record: love is wonderful, and it totally sucks. At the same time.) and because I'm doing the family thing end-of-week and this weekend. But I'm pretty much free next week (except for Wednesday, at the moment). What works for you?

Ignoring it and sleeping through it kinda works, in terms of 'coping' - sleep is even more tempting because I can be unconscious for 10 hours and have pleasant dreams, which is rather nicer than worrying or thinking about something I can't change. Well, can't change for the moment. I'm working on it, but actual 'dealing with' involves my finishing this semester and graduating before being able to actually do anything.

[sorceror.livejournal.com]

My life isn't a sucking pit of anguish, don't get me wrong. It just feels as though I'm not in control of anything.

Doesn't everybody feel like this? I know I do.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

I don't know. It seems to me that a lot of people seem to feel like they have their shit in order. Maybe most people are just really good at bluffing.

what I know...

[rosy1.livejournal.com]

"I don't know. It seems to me that a lot of people seem to feel like they have their shit in order. Maybe most people are just really good at bluffing."

Bluffing is best when used to "stretch" ourselves. I am always in way over my head, but I pretend I can do something and somehow, I can
(with much more grief than others who are so together, but in the end I get there...and I learn an awful lot along the way).

Maybe you should start focusing on the things you can control, like being the decent, talented, funny person you are...and let the other stuff play out.

It will anyway, but you will be more empowered - as well you should!

xx rosy

Re: what I know...

[mousme.livejournal.com]

I see what you're driving at, but I must say it's very hard to focus on those things I'm supposedly good at when everything else is spiralling out of control. Letting the other stuff just play out means it's only going to get further out of control, because it's not *meant* to just play out. Bills need to be paid, houses need to be cleaned, and jobs need to be worked at. Otherwise it all goes to hell.