More whining
Dec. 2nd, 2005 10:39 amI don't think I'll be driving to the NaNo kickoff party tonight. The migraine is happily into its seventh day, although massive amounts of painkiller are keeping it in the background. Still. Migraine + massive amounts of painkiller = bad combination for safe driving, especially at night. I've had one car accident this week already, minor as it was. I don't plan on having two, thankyouverymuch.
Honestly, if it wasn't the NaNoWriMo wrap party, I probably wouldn't be going. However, NaNo is important enough to me that I'm going to make an effort and attend anyway. I'm going to see if I can load my novel here at work and pick out an excerpt to read tonight. Otherwise, well, I'll just go without one.
I'm feeling pretty useless these days. So many of my friends are having a crappy time, and all I can do is sit by and watch. I barely have the energy and willpower to help myself, let alone anyone else, but I still feel guilty about it. Once upon a time, I was the one people turned to with their problems. I was the solid friend, the one people could safely ignore until they needed a cup of tea and someone to talk to. Now I can't do that anymore. Or at least not as easily as I used to. So basically I serve no useful purpose for my friends, and I hate it.
...
I was about to launch into an analysis of that, but that's a whole other post, and not a topic I can discuss rationally anyway. *grabs ten foot pole and steps away*
Back to work, I guess.
Honestly, if it wasn't the NaNoWriMo wrap party, I probably wouldn't be going. However, NaNo is important enough to me that I'm going to make an effort and attend anyway. I'm going to see if I can load my novel here at work and pick out an excerpt to read tonight. Otherwise, well, I'll just go without one.
I'm feeling pretty useless these days. So many of my friends are having a crappy time, and all I can do is sit by and watch. I barely have the energy and willpower to help myself, let alone anyone else, but I still feel guilty about it. Once upon a time, I was the one people turned to with their problems. I was the solid friend, the one people could safely ignore until they needed a cup of tea and someone to talk to. Now I can't do that anymore. Or at least not as easily as I used to. So basically I serve no useful purpose for my friends, and I hate it.
...
I was about to launch into an analysis of that, but that's a whole other post, and not a topic I can discuss rationally anyway. *grabs ten foot pole and steps away*
Back to work, I guess.
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Date: 2005-12-02 04:23 pm (UTC)*there is a flurry of motion, as the Toughlovemuse busts through the door and drop kicks your shithead*
That. Is. A. Lie. A big one. I understand how you're feeling -- it's an offshoot of the season -- and Gods know I've been there. But I won't let this one pass. Your friends love you. You're a member of what Taras calls an elite class of people. Do not doubt that you belong there. You do. Nobody out there is evaluating your usefullness. We have your friendship and company, and that's what counts.
There's a point at which always being the person people come to with their problems means that you're always an emotional dumping ground and don't have time and energy to deal with your own problems. The fact that you've taken a step back from that can be seen as a good thing. Sometimes you need you-time, and it can range from an hour, an evening, to a day or a season. It's important that you take it when you need it.
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Date: 2005-12-02 07:55 pm (UTC)None too long ago at all, she sent me an email - not TLM, The Rocking Thing - yes, she sent me an email, about a friend of hers, saying look at this entry and is there anything you can do about this. See, she didn`t feel she was in a position - BUT SHE STILL DID SOMETHING.
When I call someone elite, it`s not done lightly.
t!
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Date: 2005-12-02 04:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-02 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-02 04:32 pm (UTC)And I do. I genuinely like you. And you know what? One of the reasons I like you is because you're human. You have bad patches like I do. I know you understand, because you're there too. Whether you offer tea and an ear or not, I know you're there and you get it. And to me, that's an important part of friendship. I don't need you to solve the problems I'm having, or even sit with me and listen to me talk about them. I know you care, and that's enough. Solidarity, if you will.
But I also understand feeling useless.
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Date: 2005-12-02 06:19 pm (UTC)I hear ya on the "I used to be the solid friend" thing. I am going through the same thing right now.
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Date: 2005-12-02 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-02 07:17 pm (UTC)I must work on that reading comprehension thingy.
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Date: 2005-12-02 07:23 pm (UTC)I appreciate your concern. Seriously. :)
*hugs*
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Date: 2005-12-02 11:40 pm (UTC)