*stabs self in head*

[mousme]

So my mother calls me at work to let me know how things stand with a dinner invitation to the home of a family friend. Quick backstory: we were originally invited for Wednesday, and I told them I'd be delighted to come. Thinking it would be "better" for me on Friday, they switched the days on me, and of course I could no longer attend, since I'm volunteering at the club on Friday and we're short-staffed as it is.

My mother coolly informs me that she told said friend that I wasn't coming because my office was moving and I was working late. "Because," says she, "I couldn't bring myself to tell them that you couldn't come just because you were volunteering at a club."

Gee. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mother.

Every now and then I get these nice little reminders that my mother is ashamed of me. Now she's ashamed to the point of lying to our friends about me. This is a first. Before it was simply lies of omission. Now she's going out of her way to say untruths so that they won't find out that I'm OMG t3h g4y! It's fine if she doesn't want them to know. But she might have at least told them a half-truth. Even saying "Oh, she can't come because she volunteers on Fridays." Or, "She already had plans that couldn't be altered, but she was very disappointed not to be able to see you."

But, no. She had to go hard-core liar on me.

She doesn't approve of the line-dancing, for many reasons. Foremost is of course that it's a gay club. She keeps asking me when I'm going to take "real" dancing lessons. Like, oh, walz or something. I think she's still harbouring some vague hope that by dancing these "real" dances I'll meet the right man that will convert me back to heterosexuality.

She still refuses to admit that I might date girls. In fact, whenever she uses a (hypothetical) example of dating concerning me, she'll invariably partner me up with a fictitious man. I gently correct her each time, but usually it just earns me a withering glare and a "Whatever. That's not the point I'm trying to make!"

No, Mother. It's the point I'm trying to make.

Maybe one day she'll realize I'm probably not going to change. Until then, she's going to do her damndest to shove me back into the closet as hard as she can. My mother is queen of that river in Egypt.

Comments

[baronscartop.livejournal.com]

Some species are more difficult to train than others.

Do you have the phone number of that friend? You could call them on some pretext, and then "accidentally" have the conversation shift to Friday... reveal that your mom's a liar...

t!

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Nah. They like and respect both my parents, and the friend is a colleague of my father's. It's kind of important for his career that she not think my mother a total liar.

I have already made my displeasure known to my mother, in no uncertain terms, although I was more quiet on the phone at work than I would have been if we'd been alone at home with her.

I'm thinking of investing in a cattle prod. Pavlovian training, you know. Whenever she does something I don't like, I can poke her: *Bzzzzt!* "Bad!"

[talyesin.livejournal.com]

I've given up trying to make points to my parents. What's the point? They don't listen, do they?

They live in their happy little world of denial. They're happier there. Frankly, I'm happier leaving them there.

Good luck with your mum.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Meh. I gave her a tongue-lashing on the phone, and she sounded vaguely contrite.

I have no issue with her being in denial. I just don't want her to start *lying* to people. There are other ways of living in denial without dragging me into her little psychodramatic world of prevarication. Because, if I support her story, then it makes me a liar, and if I don't, then we both look bad.

[kaytm.livejournal.com]

i can understand my mom still thinks that my being bi is a phase... yup a 11 year p hase now.

[chasingthenuns.livejournal.com]

My mother is queen of that river in Egypt.

She must see my in-laws all the time!

How to nail open the closet door

[griffen.livejournal.com]

This is where you call the family friend in question and say "I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to come visit with you on Friday. I told my mother that I was doing volunteer work that evening; apparently she misunderstood." Then if the family friend asks where you volunteer, you can tell them why.

This is my subversion coming out to dam up the river in Egypt. *evil smile*

[sultrysong.livejournal.com]

It's a coming out process for her, too. I hope with time she starts to get it.

Acceptance?

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

Is it that your mother really wants you in a closet because she is ashamed of your sexuality or is it that she is desperate to see her genetic line secured by the production of grandchildren? Do you think your mother would deal if you were bi and not adverse to pregancy? I know that some parents get distressed over the idea that their child is "the end of the line." Of course, some parents are probably adverse to their child's choice/orientation due to militant religious or philosophical beliefs.

Re: Acceptance?

[mousme.livejournal.com]

No, my mother doesn't believe that gay people should have children. It's immoral for people who aren't straight to come within a country mile of the young and impressionable.

Certainly, she's very upset since she believes she'll never have grandchildren, but that's not all of it.

Besides, there's no "genetic line" with me: I'm adopted.

Re: Acceptance?

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

Well...at least there is not that hang up to deal with, then. This sounds like a philosophical clash.

[djs-specs.livejournal.com]

Just out of curiosity (and feel free to tell me to shove it), what does your dad think about it all?

Unfortunately, my dad's the militantly anti-gay one - Mum can accept it to some degree. Both of them are probably thrilled to pieces with my recent sexual escapades (regardless of what they think about casual sex) because they were with guys. No doubt they're thinking I'm over my phase of liking women :P

[mousme.livejournal.com]

My father made it clear to me a long time ago that, regardless of what he thinks, my mother is more important.

She's the 'fragile' one, and must be 'protected' at all costs. So if my being in the closet is the price he has to pay for peace in his home, that's what he'll go along with.

*shrug*

[djs-specs.livejournal.com]

Oy... I don't envy your position hon. Even from the outside it blows chunks.

[angelovernh.livejournal.com]

Sucks that she made up a lie to them, esp. if it's because she is ashamed!

You know, I never knew you were gay in the whole time I've known you. It doesn't matter a bit to me, but I just did not realize that. I thought you had a male partner. Confused now.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Huh. Well, I came out about two and a half years ago. Before that I did have a boyfriend, but that ended pretty damned badly. :)

Funny, 'cause I've ranted about my mother being a homophobe enough, and I think I mentioned my girlfriend, back when I had one.

Maybe it was when you were going through stress of your own, or when you weren't checking LJ as much. :)

I was in the Pride Parade on Monday, too. Posted about it in my LJ.

[ai731.livejournal.com]

I was in the Pride Parade on Monday, too.

And you and your club totally rocked!

[mousme.livejournal.com]

*beam*

We did, didn't we?

Rocked like a Rocking Thing.