So, umm, yeah... therapy
Sep. 29th, 2003 04:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousme:::Disclaimer: this post is open, but you don't have to read it if you don't want to hear me wibble about my evaluation at the McGill University Sexual Identity Clinic (MUSIC). You've been warned. :::
Went to the MUSIC for my evaluation today. Not sure what to make of it at all.
Filled out the standard form that figures out how depressed I'm supposed to be (hate that questionnaire, as it never ever supposes that one might be manic or hypomanic), then another questionnaire about my attitude towards my sexual orientation.
Spoke for 45 minutes with a young guy named Martin who asked the standard questions about my background, history, etc. He was nice enough, laughed at my jokes, but seemed genuinely confused as to why I'd been referred to that clinic. More questions about whether I had bi/gay friends, how supportive they were, etc. Of course I told him that all my friends and my other friends are wonderful and supportive and think it's pretty cool that I came out of the closet. More questions about whether I'd dated a woman before (affirmative), had sexual relations with a woman (negative, sadly), etc., etc.
Waited in the hallway for a while, and worked on the multicoloured scarf I'm knitting for myself. It's multicoloured yarn, so it gives sort of a rainbow effect, so I've named it my Pride Scarf. ^_^ Got a compliment on it from Martin.
Then I got interviewed by the "real" doctor in charge, Karine Igartua. That was a lot more unpleasant, hence the wibbling.
She asked me how I'd obtained an appointment with Dr. Steiner to begin with, as I wasn't his "usual" type of patient. (She gave me to understand that he worked with extreme and marginal cases) I explained that it was a favour to someone I knew, and she kind of pursed her lips at me, said "Ah. Well, that makes sense." and then scribbled it (or something else, for all I know) on her pad of paper.
Then she told me that she wasn't sure what the clinic was supposed to do for me. I couldn't exactly help her out there, except to point out that Dr. Steiner seemed keen on my coming out to my parents, and maybe that's what he wanted me to have help with. She took more notes, and then ran through a number of the questions I'd already gone over with Martin. That was either because she hadn't read his notes, or maybe because she wanted to see if I'd change my answers or something a second time around. I didn't. but I don't know what she thought that meant.
After that, she told me that she'd never seen questionnaire scores as high as mine on the "attitude towards sexual orientation" part of the questionnaire in the four years they'd been giving it. From this she deduced that I wasn't in touch at all with my feelings on the matter and that I had only given the "politically correct" answers, because there's naturally no way in hell that I could possibly be that comfortable with my own sexuality and be that open with people (even though I had circled several responses in the questionnaire to indicate that I wasn't open about it with my parents).
She told me that the "fun" me wasn't real, that I was an "entertainer" and that no one really knew the real me, and that I would never have a meaningful relationship with anyone because of this (unless I changed, of course). She concluded that I obviously had a fear of intimacy (because I've never had a sexual relationship with a woman, I assume).
She also told me that I shouldn't be on medication, that my mood swings could all be cured by psychotherapy. Clearly all my hypomanic and depressive episodes are due to my intellectualising and distancing myself from my emotions. But if I learn to embrace the feelings, then all will be well with the world.
...
*sigh*
So, yeah. This is the kind of stuff that's sort of been de-bunked in the last fifteen or twenty years. I'm not averse to psychotherapy, but I don't think that bipolar can magically be cured by psychotherapy either.
Not to mention that she wants to put me in group therapy with other people who are incapable of intimacy. I'm willing to give it a shot, but I have serious doubts about this. I don't understand how listening to other people's problems is going to help out *that* much. I mean, I do learn from hearing about other people's stories, but I can do that on the internet, thank you very much. Then again, I can't afford the $70 a week that private psychotherapy would cost.
Gah.
This woman basically just invalidated the last three years of my life in one hour. Is that even possible?
Went to the MUSIC for my evaluation today. Not sure what to make of it at all.
Filled out the standard form that figures out how depressed I'm supposed to be (hate that questionnaire, as it never ever supposes that one might be manic or hypomanic), then another questionnaire about my attitude towards my sexual orientation.
Spoke for 45 minutes with a young guy named Martin who asked the standard questions about my background, history, etc. He was nice enough, laughed at my jokes, but seemed genuinely confused as to why I'd been referred to that clinic. More questions about whether I had bi/gay friends, how supportive they were, etc. Of course I told him that all my friends and my other friends are wonderful and supportive and think it's pretty cool that I came out of the closet. More questions about whether I'd dated a woman before (affirmative), had sexual relations with a woman (negative, sadly), etc., etc.
Waited in the hallway for a while, and worked on the multicoloured scarf I'm knitting for myself. It's multicoloured yarn, so it gives sort of a rainbow effect, so I've named it my Pride Scarf. ^_^ Got a compliment on it from Martin.
Then I got interviewed by the "real" doctor in charge, Karine Igartua. That was a lot more unpleasant, hence the wibbling.
She asked me how I'd obtained an appointment with Dr. Steiner to begin with, as I wasn't his "usual" type of patient. (She gave me to understand that he worked with extreme and marginal cases) I explained that it was a favour to someone I knew, and she kind of pursed her lips at me, said "Ah. Well, that makes sense." and then scribbled it (or something else, for all I know) on her pad of paper.
Then she told me that she wasn't sure what the clinic was supposed to do for me. I couldn't exactly help her out there, except to point out that Dr. Steiner seemed keen on my coming out to my parents, and maybe that's what he wanted me to have help with. She took more notes, and then ran through a number of the questions I'd already gone over with Martin. That was either because she hadn't read his notes, or maybe because she wanted to see if I'd change my answers or something a second time around. I didn't. but I don't know what she thought that meant.
After that, she told me that she'd never seen questionnaire scores as high as mine on the "attitude towards sexual orientation" part of the questionnaire in the four years they'd been giving it. From this she deduced that I wasn't in touch at all with my feelings on the matter and that I had only given the "politically correct" answers, because there's naturally no way in hell that I could possibly be that comfortable with my own sexuality and be that open with people (even though I had circled several responses in the questionnaire to indicate that I wasn't open about it with my parents).
She told me that the "fun" me wasn't real, that I was an "entertainer" and that no one really knew the real me, and that I would never have a meaningful relationship with anyone because of this (unless I changed, of course). She concluded that I obviously had a fear of intimacy (because I've never had a sexual relationship with a woman, I assume).
She also told me that I shouldn't be on medication, that my mood swings could all be cured by psychotherapy. Clearly all my hypomanic and depressive episodes are due to my intellectualising and distancing myself from my emotions. But if I learn to embrace the feelings, then all will be well with the world.
...
*sigh*
So, yeah. This is the kind of stuff that's sort of been de-bunked in the last fifteen or twenty years. I'm not averse to psychotherapy, but I don't think that bipolar can magically be cured by psychotherapy either.
Not to mention that she wants to put me in group therapy with other people who are incapable of intimacy. I'm willing to give it a shot, but I have serious doubts about this. I don't understand how listening to other people's problems is going to help out *that* much. I mean, I do learn from hearing about other people's stories, but I can do that on the internet, thank you very much. Then again, I can't afford the $70 a week that private psychotherapy would cost.
Gah.
This woman basically just invalidated the last three years of my life in one hour. Is that even possible?
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no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 03:28 am (UTC)Also, there's no way someone can know you profoundly after talking to you for an hour or something.
This is not to say you shouldn't think of the fact that they might have a point somewhere there. But it's possible that there isn't one. Don't let her make you think there is.
(Oh, and I love that Leonard Cohen song, too.)