Work, and almost GIP

[mousme]

I've taken on a whackload of new responsibilities at work, and thus my anxiety levels have gone through the roof.

Had two migraines last week, and last night suffered my first anxiety attack since... March, I think.

I kept dreaming that my bosses had come into my apartment and had seen how messy it was, and were going to fire me. The reasoning behind that was: if I couldn't keep my place clean, how could I do a good job at work? The weird part is that in my dream I was convinced that the apartment had been provided by the people at work, and once I awoke it took me a long time to remember/convince myself that I've been living here much longer than I've been at that job, and that there's no way they could have a key to my apartment. In my dreams I didn't see them, but rather I found notes that they left next to my bed.

I woke up completely unable to breathe, my heart lodged firmly under my epiglottis (is that how you spell that?) and doing its level best to explode, or so it felt. Stupid racing heartbeat. I practically fell out of bed three or four times, trying to read the "notes" that had been left for me, in one of my typical half-dreaming states. I hate those. They're so much harder to snap out of than full dreams.

I was unable to shake the feeling of intense anxiety completely throughout the rest of the day, which was really annoying. I kept jumping and starting at every loud noise which, in my workplace, means I was jumping and starting a *lot*.

I'm better now, but that better not re-occur tonight.

I shall go into details about my new responsibilities tomorrow, perhaps. For now, I'm heading to bed.

Comments

[rowen26.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Good night!

And from someone who experiences similar horrible dreams (better these days, though), I sympathise. :(

[avren.livejournal.com]

Welcome back!

Sorry that you're still having e-mail trouble. Any luck e-mailing anyone who might be able to pass the file along. I don't mean to be a pest but I really do need it soon.

[ex-digitalis869.livejournal.com]

Ouch. That's some serious stress. I hope things calm down.

I was thinking about you last week, wondering where you'd gone.

[alcinoe.livejournal.com]

I have been wondering about how you are and stuff, since I hadn't heard from you. I want to say "Glad you are okay", but sounds like you aren't really. :( *hugs*

!@#$% panic attacks

[julienne64.livejournal.com]

hi there ...

Being a panic attack vet, I can sympathize. I know this sounds *really* weird when you feel as if you can't breathe in the first place, but I have found that telling myself from the small little logical part of my brain that's still working that "you KNOW it's only a panic attack" and concentrating on NOTHING ELSE but my breathing (breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth) the attack goes away faster and is much less intense. If your thoughts wander to your about to explode heart or shaky limbs, force them back to your breathing.

I also find putting a cold (and I mean COLD) wet cloth on the back of my neck helps. Seems to cut the sweats and once one symptom starts to go away they all seem to follow.

YMMV. Also, knowing that there is somebody to call if the attack gets out of hand helps. My friend Steve (former medic in the reserves) is good for this.

I hope that helps. Panic attacks SUCK. Death to panic attacks!!!!

Re: !@#$% panic attacks

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you're mostly right on all those fronts. Things is, I always know it's a panic attack, which frustrates me, but at least makes it bearable and allows me to be functional more quickly. I don't think there's ever been a time when I didn't know they were anxiety attacks, oddly enough.

Sadly, it's not in my nature to call people at 3am. :P

But thanks for the helpful tips. I'll keep the cold compress thing in mind. :)

[mousme.livejournal.com]

You know, oddly enough, I am mostly okay. Anxiety is kind of bad, but I'm neither depressed nor manic, which is nice. I'm making a bit of money, which is a relief, and I like my job, despite the stress. It's better than unemployment stress. :)

*hugs*

Thanks for the kind words. :)

[mousme.livejournal.com]

No, absolutely, I understand, and I'm as frustrated as you are, very likely. I'll try again tonight. :P

I'll also looking into begging/borrowing/stealing a disk drive, to see if that'll work.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

I haven't gone far. I'm still reading my friends' list, just haven't been posting.

The stress shouldn't actually be this bad, I'm just blowing things out of proportion, as usual. This isn't a terribly difficult job, there's just a lot to know and a lot to learn in a very short time. The only thing that has me more stressed out more than I should be is the fact that there still hasn't been a decision to keep me on permanently or to let me go.

It would be stupid to let me go at this point, since they've put so much time and effort in my training, but I wish they'd get off their asses and make it official that they're keeping me. For one thing, that'd get me a raise and some benefits, which would help.

Thanks for the good thoughts. :)

[mousme.livejournal.com]

*huggles*

Thank you. :)

I'm sorry you're having such a shitty time of it too. :(

Don't worry, sweetie. The right job *will* come along soon. It took me an entire year to get this job, if that's any comfort at all. Feeling stuck is just about one of the worst feelings in the world.

[djs-specs.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[vureoelt.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think that's how you spell it.

Hate to hear you're stressed. :\ *hugs* Look at it this way, at least you know why you're having a crappy day. Since I can't remember mine, I have no idea why I feel the way I do some days. Could be anything really.

[ex-digitalis869.livejournal.com]

Oh man. Limbo. I understand now. Good luck.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I appreciate it. :)