Yeah, I know there haven't been real updates in a while

[mousme]

I'm just kind of tired lately.

That deep-down, existential kind of tired.

Also discovering interesting pockets of frustration hidden somewhere in the recesses of my brain. The more I stagnate, the more I get angry with myself, with everything and everyone, really. I feel like hitting someone, like hurting something, someone, myself, anything. I feel powerless, and it's killing me, inch by inch.

Yes, I know I'm working to try to fix that, but it's just not going well enough. It's my old mantra coming back: Not good enough. Never good enough.

Anyway, since it's all very depressing, I haven't really felt like writing it down. So there you go.

I met an old friend of mine on Monday. I hadn't seen her in eleven years. We spent a great summer at camp together, and then lost touch. She recognised my photo on a dating website, and emailed me, and we agreed to meet for coffee. Turns out she's Bipolar II as well, and not only that, but we're seeing the same therapist and she's on the waiting list for the MUSIC group (the English group, I'm in the French group).

So we had lots of fun laughing about that. Monday was good.

The rest of the week hasn't been as good.

Looking for a job. That's not going super well, but I'm not really good at this job-hunting thing, either. Basically I suck right now. I'm working on not sucking, but I'm not sure how not to suck. I'll try to keep you posted on how that goes.

Comments

[ex-digitalis869.livejournal.com]

Being unemployed sucks. You do NOT suck.

Re:

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Heh. Thanks. I don't suck in general (or so I keep trying to tell myself) But I suck at looking for work, that's for sure. I'm doing this a little too haphazardly, I think. They should give classes in job-hunting (except that I wouldn't be able to afford a class, irony of ironies).

Yeah, thanks. :)

Re:

[joane.livejournal.com]

Actually, the provincial unemployment office gives free job-hunting training sessions. They offered me one while I was looking for work, but I had an in through a career service at the Bronfman Jewish Center. I used a service that did free career counselling and job-finding for Jewish grads (20-30 years old age range) - maybe there's something like that through other cultural organizations?

Re:

[ex-digitalis869.livejournal.com]

Looking for work is really hard. I know very, very few people who are really good at it. There are dozens of strategies and it seems that what works is mostly exposure and luck.

[ex-digitalis869.livejournal.com]

By the way...good luck, and *hugs*

[joane.livejournal.com]

(And my Gd, does being out of work suck... Rich was unemployed for about a year after CINAR crashed and burned, and it was awful. You don't suck at all - but job hunting is a bitch, and is invariably a serious blow to the ego. Job-hunting-depression is a standard one for everyone... you're so not alone, dear heart, I assure you. {{hugs}})

[djs-specs.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[vureoelt.livejournal.com]

Well, if you have to, hit me. I can take it.

Incidentally, if it's not prying, you think you and your friend are going anywhere? If it is, well... I've already offered free shots. Just not the head, please. Head wounds are messy.

A lot seems to be luck really. I found my first through random chance at job fairs. Then when I was preparing for the fact they were moving out of town, I had several layers of backup plans all of which fell through. Actually, right now, I should probably be moving in that direction because this internship will end sometime. Anyhow, it seems more a case of being the right person with the right skills in the right place at the right time. The trick is recognizing where and when that is...