Just once...

[mousme]

Just once, I'd like to not be the one running after my friends to see them. I'd like to not be the one to have to email/phone and say "Hey, we haven't spoken face to face in nearly a month, how about we go for coffee or something?"

Either that, or I wish my friends would tell me to bug off if they don't want to see me. Really. It would hurt, but it would be less agonising than this constant second-guessing of myself.

I hate feeling as though everyone has something better to do than even think of me once in a blue moon. I am the quintessential "out of sight, out of mind" girl. As soon as I'm not in the field of view, jumping up and down and through hoops and trying to be entertaining, then suddenly *poof* I'm gone. Not even an afterthought.

So I email someone and suddenly it's like "Hey, it's Phnee! I totally forgot about her until she emailed me and reminded me that she existed. Cool."

I wish someone would *spontaneously* remember me.

I guess I make it pretty hard for people to do that. Once again, it's my own damned fault if I'm all alone.

And if you've actually read behind the cut tag, no, I don't want emails telling me I'm special or some other crap. I'm writing in my journal because, dammit, it's my journal and I'll damned well write what I want to write in it. I don't want comments, I don't want feedbacks, I don't want hugs. I hate everything and everybody and myself above all.

Now I have to go finish this translation. I also hate footnotes. Whoever invented those has a special place in Hell, I'm sure.