Random noodling
Aug. 20th, 2003 01:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousme:::Nothing to see here, move along...:::
Been thinking that there has to be more to life than this. I get up, I worry about how I'm going to pay my bills, I go to work where I wonder if I'm going to get paid or whether I'll even get work after this next contract, I go home. Sometimes I see my parents. Occasionally I'll go out with friends. Sometimes in a fit of get-up-and-go I'll make my way to the gym.
Wow. Thrilling, huh?
There has to be more to life than this. I have no passion, no real reason to get out of bed in the morning. Never have. My life doesn't really have a purpose beyond existing. I don't help other people. I'm not making the world better by living in it. I'm probably not hurting anything by existing, but neither am I helping.
Is that all that I'll be able to say at the end of my life? "Well, I never hurt anything with my life. Let me into Heaven already." :P
All my life I've chosen the path of least resistance. Whenever there was a choice to be made, I made the easy decision, the one which promoted the least conflict within myself. I deliberately chose not to make waves, not to rock the boat. And that's landed me here: mostly isolated (I still love all my friends, this isn't about you!), stuck up a creek without a paddle financially speaking, with no one and nothing that sparks any kind of vibrant passion for life, the kind that I've always craved.
I don't even know how to begin to find that passion, but it must be out there somewhere.
Been thinking that there has to be more to life than this. I get up, I worry about how I'm going to pay my bills, I go to work where I wonder if I'm going to get paid or whether I'll even get work after this next contract, I go home. Sometimes I see my parents. Occasionally I'll go out with friends. Sometimes in a fit of get-up-and-go I'll make my way to the gym.
Wow. Thrilling, huh?
There has to be more to life than this. I have no passion, no real reason to get out of bed in the morning. Never have. My life doesn't really have a purpose beyond existing. I don't help other people. I'm not making the world better by living in it. I'm probably not hurting anything by existing, but neither am I helping.
Is that all that I'll be able to say at the end of my life? "Well, I never hurt anything with my life. Let me into Heaven already." :P
All my life I've chosen the path of least resistance. Whenever there was a choice to be made, I made the easy decision, the one which promoted the least conflict within myself. I deliberately chose not to make waves, not to rock the boat. And that's landed me here: mostly isolated (I still love all my friends, this isn't about you!), stuck up a creek without a paddle financially speaking, with no one and nothing that sparks any kind of vibrant passion for life, the kind that I've always craved.
I don't even know how to begin to find that passion, but it must be out there somewhere.
