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mousmeI just realised that I posted an incoherent rant in my last entry, so here's a bit of an explanation of why I had that little fit:
1- The post I read came out of the blue, and the first part really did appear to apply to me. So the element of surprise played a big part in why I got so upset.
2- I felt judged: the wording was to the effect that *because* I have access to the internet it means I have disposable income and thus shouldn't "whine" (their words, not mine) about not having money. This didn't sit well with me because, contrary to that person, I happen to know that the $14 a month I spend on the internet would not help to cover the $425 a month I need for rent. True, the internet is a luxury, and thus if I were *truly* financially responsible I would cancel it. I will take this under consideration.
Yes, I have a car. I decided to get this car when I was working at a job far away and a car was a luxury I could afford and which would considerably simplify my life. Right now I'm trying to figure out if there's any way on earth I can get rid of the thing before it consumes what's left of my bank account and my sense of self-worth.
Last point in this category: I know full well that I am lucky to have parents who can bail me out *this time*. I don't need my face rubbed in it, thank you very much. Being told that I'm a whiny pathetic loser because I don't want to have to be dependent on them for this is akin to saying to a person who just fell down the stairs and broke their leg "God, you're a clumsy idiot! Who taught you to walk?"
Naturally, this all hurt *only* because it echoes my own feelings of inadequacy and inability to cope with my own life. If I wasn't already harbouring the same doubts and negative thoughts, I wouldn't even have given that post a second glance.
3- I also felt betrayed, in a big way. When this person has posted their own financial and emotional troubles, I have either responded in what I assumed was a supportive way, or else remained silent because I felt I had nothing constructive to say.
I would never, ever in a million years post something quite so insensitive publicly, where I knew that person might come across it and be potentially hurt by it, especially if I knew that they were having a rough time emotionally. It smacks to me of kicking someone while they're down, and then spitting on them in the street for good measure where other people can see.
So in short, the post felt like a slap in the face, a swift knife to the kidneys, and a bucket of ice water dumped on my head all at the same time. That's all I have to say about that (and it's already quite a lot).
1- The post I read came out of the blue, and the first part really did appear to apply to me. So the element of surprise played a big part in why I got so upset.
2- I felt judged: the wording was to the effect that *because* I have access to the internet it means I have disposable income and thus shouldn't "whine" (their words, not mine) about not having money. This didn't sit well with me because, contrary to that person, I happen to know that the $14 a month I spend on the internet would not help to cover the $425 a month I need for rent. True, the internet is a luxury, and thus if I were *truly* financially responsible I would cancel it. I will take this under consideration.
Yes, I have a car. I decided to get this car when I was working at a job far away and a car was a luxury I could afford and which would considerably simplify my life. Right now I'm trying to figure out if there's any way on earth I can get rid of the thing before it consumes what's left of my bank account and my sense of self-worth.
Last point in this category: I know full well that I am lucky to have parents who can bail me out *this time*. I don't need my face rubbed in it, thank you very much. Being told that I'm a whiny pathetic loser because I don't want to have to be dependent on them for this is akin to saying to a person who just fell down the stairs and broke their leg "God, you're a clumsy idiot! Who taught you to walk?"
Naturally, this all hurt *only* because it echoes my own feelings of inadequacy and inability to cope with my own life. If I wasn't already harbouring the same doubts and negative thoughts, I wouldn't even have given that post a second glance.
3- I also felt betrayed, in a big way. When this person has posted their own financial and emotional troubles, I have either responded in what I assumed was a supportive way, or else remained silent because I felt I had nothing constructive to say.
I would never, ever in a million years post something quite so insensitive publicly, where I knew that person might come across it and be potentially hurt by it, especially if I knew that they were having a rough time emotionally. It smacks to me of kicking someone while they're down, and then spitting on them in the street for good measure where other people can see.
So in short, the post felt like a slap in the face, a swift knife to the kidneys, and a bucket of ice water dumped on my head all at the same time. That's all I have to say about that (and it's already quite a lot).
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no subject
Date: 2003-07-24 12:29 pm (UTC)What I will say, regarding your Internet usage, is that $14 a month is extraordinarily inexpensive, considering the benefit you derive from it. Of course, I have personal reasons for not wanting you to cancel your internet, because it would mean that you'd have to leave my game, and that basically within five weeks we'd lose touch with you entirely when we move. On top of that, though, I look at how many e-friends you have and marvel at how many connections you have made to people, and how they help your psychological well-being (this latest event notwithstanding). I can't imagine that $14 a month is too much to pay for keeping contact with them, and as such, the Internet is not a luxury for you. You shouldn't feel one iota of guilt for keeping it.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-24 12:37 pm (UTC)That's about how I feel about the internet. Since I never (or almost never) use my phone, it's the only way I can keep in touch with people.
Besides, I like my LJ for therapeutic reasons as well (I get to rant and bitch if I want to), and I like all the online games and stuff in which I'm involved, and I don't especially want to lose them. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-07-24 03:47 pm (UTC)Anyway, I missed your financial worries post, but best of luck with that too.
Y'know...
Date: 2003-07-24 04:52 pm (UTC)Re: Y'know...
Date: 2003-07-24 04:56 pm (UTC)That doesn't negate the effect, nor the fact that I certainly wouldn't want to be one of the people at whom the person *was* in fact "scoffing."
This will have blown over by tomorrow morning.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-24 04:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-24 05:01 pm (UTC)I wish I could do more than send good vibes your way. I wish you didn't have to deal with all the crap you're already dealing with. :P
*hugs*
Re: Y'know...
Date: 2003-07-24 05:20 pm (UTC)WHat's your sched like next week? Was thinking of heading down to my dad's one evening so you can put some paint downrange...
Re: Y'know...
Date: 2003-07-24 05:36 pm (UTC)Think we might squeeze in a Mage game?
The only day I'm not free is Monday evening. :)
Re: Y'know...
Date: 2003-07-24 07:00 pm (UTC)cunt
Hows that?
PS: Maybe I was referring to myself with the whole "internet access" thing?
Afterall, I pay 60.00 per month on DSL, and I can barely feed myself.
You'll also note I admitted my own hypocrisy?
So who gets to be the hurt one after this rally after my general rant?
O, that would be me. I am now a villian. I thought I was just admitting I was in a foul bitchy mood.
Re: cunt
Date: 2003-07-25 07:24 am (UTC)Looks like we were both having a remarkably bad day yesterday.
*massive squish*
I'm sorry I jumped down your throat, 'kay?