Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry...

[mousme]

:::Semi-filtered:::

On Sunday I thought that right now I'd be either in Vermont or driving back from there with my girl.

Instead I'm at home trying to coax a reluctant Smudge out from behind the futon, watching the snail in my new aquarium try to sort itself out (it landed upside down a while ago), and waiting to see if the phone will ring.

I called again at 8pm, and I guess I'll try again at 9pm.

I guess I suck more than I thought at this relationship thing. I'm doing something wrong, that much is obvious, but I don't know what's right in a relationship anymore, if I ever even knew it to begin with.

She wants to move to Seattle by the end of this year.

I don't want to leave Montreal.

Do we see a problem developing?

*sigh*

One problem at a time. Now, if she'd only answer the phone when I call. She said she'd be home between 8pm and 9pm. So I guess another three minutes or so and I try again. If not, well, there's always tomorrow.

She called me a few times while I was up at the Shack, and once or twice last week, and I didn't call back, so I guess I deserve this. I did email once or twice, but I guess it's probably not the same. I don't know.

*beats head against wall* I don't know how to make this work, dammit!

Comments

[of-evangeline.livejournal.com]

It shouldn't have to be that much work to begin with. I mean, if you're killing yourself over it...

*hugs* I know you'll kick me for saying this, but if it's meant to be, it'll work out. Really no need to stress yourself over it. And she called you to tell you to call her, right? At least there's that.

You're a darling and it would be her loss anyway. *is horribly biased but doesn't care*

<333!

[sundancekid.livejournal.com]

*snugs* I don't know what to say except that I very much want this to work out for you.

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

Oof.

Nothing to say, but: *hugs* Have faith.

[joane.livejournal.com]

Tried to post this earlier, but LJ wouldn't take it... ("database down")

*

Oh, sweetie. :( {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

For a relationship to work out, *both* parties have to give 100% to it - not 50%, not %75, 100%. Each. Head games can't be an option, *especially* in a long-distance relationship where communication is so vitally important. I'm totally biased against long-distance relationships, I've got to confess, most especially because they're just so much harder than regular face-to-face dating. If it helps any, I was an absolute, unmitigated disaster at long-distance, but I think Rich & I have managed to build a solid real-life one.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong here, hon - you're trying to talk to her, you're trying to fix a misunderstanding that can't *be* fixed if she won't let you talk to her... you care so very much and it's blindingly obvious that you're pouring your heart and soul into this thing. The problem is definitely not in you - it may just be that this specific equation of you, Abi, and the long distance multiplier is causing problems. Replace any one of the factors and the situation might well be completely different.

There's still time in her vacation for her to make it up for a few days, if she wants to, and there's plenty of summer left, especially if she's only working part-time, now. {{{{hugs}}}} Once you get to spend some real, alone, face-to-face *talking* time, I'm sure things will work out!

You're a glorious, wonderful, loving person, darlin'. You deserve every happiness in the world. Learning how to build a relationship with someone takes a hell of a lot of practice, patience and understanding, but if a clod like me can figure it out, you'll get there in no time flat.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

*squishie*

I actually got through about fifteen minutes after I posted this, and we talked for about an hour. Not about anything serious, unfortunately, but I'm going down on Saturday (just for the day) to talk to her and see what's going to come of all this.

For the moment, things seem to be okay, relatively speaking.

You guys all rock. :)

*massive hugs*

*smooches*

[djs-specs.livejournal.com]

Hon, whatever you do, don't talk about anything serious in any way that's *not* face-to-face. Putting my crappish attempt at a long-distance relationship aside, I've seen friends fall into this trap. There's something to be said for seeing facial expressions when you're hashing out the important issues - its a lot harder to hide things unless you happen to have partnered up with a consumate liar.

That said, never, ever be afraid to cut and run. Like Hilary said, it can't just be one person putting all the effort in. If you can't meet halfway you won't meet at all. Trust me on this.

*huggles* I'll keep my fingers crossed this works out for you.

[mina-laury.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[shenlo.livejournal.com]

*Deposits 2 cents and stands on the soapbox.*

I too have had several relationships. Long distance by phone, long distance by email, close up and personal. I believe that the ONE relationship that worked out was the one that didn't break my back.

Joane is right, both have to put 100% into it, but the thing is, you've got to be able to live WITHOUT a person. Before I got involved with Joane, all my relationships were desperate and romantic ones. Almost constant phonings, writings, etc etc.

When Joane and I hooked up, we held eachother at arm's length and said:
"This is either going to work out, or it's not. And if it doesn't, we'll survive." Head games were ruled out and were grounds for stopping. With that attitude, we knew that if we weren't compatible in the beginning, we could still be friends. Now, both still relaxed and being open with eachother, we know that we can get through anything.

Long distance adds an extra difficulty. You can't communicate on a regular or physical basis.

If you don't want to go to Seattle, then don't. And if she does, nothing's changed much, right? You're still in communication over email and long distance phone calls.

You've got power, here, Phnee. A relationship is about 2 people.... (sometimes more, I guess)... so make sure you count for 50% and NO LESS in your relationships and 100% and no less in your personal life. Got it? *puts foot down, then bows, and gets down off the soapbox*

[briarwolf.livejournal.com]

I second everyone else here hon.

I hope things work out for you, but the others are right when they say that you can't be the one doing all the work here.

If both parties don't put in the effort you end up in a situation where one person is pouring all of themselves into it but they still don't get what they want. If it isn't working, don't try to force it or you'll just hurt yourself in the long run.

Good luck. *hugs*