I need a life of my own
Mar. 30th, 2003 12:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeMore selfish ranting ahead, just so you're warned.
I kind of wish I had my own friend. Not that I don't have friends, obviously, but I mostly seem to be the proverbial third wheel around them. I'm always the latecomer, the "nice girl" that's okay to have around but kind of secondary and not necessary to include in plans and what have you.
I want to have someone who'll think of me *first* (just as I'd think of them *first*) when they want to go out and do something fun, or just stay home and chill. Hey, it could be a girlfriend too, I wouldn't object to that (*grin*).
I'm just tired of constantly having to chase after people in order to have anything like a social life. I'm always the one who calls people up or emails them, never the other way around. I have to initiate contact in order for people to even remember I exist.
Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself, but in this case I'm not mistaken. I've been monitoring this carefully for several months, just to make sure I wasn't being silly or imagining things, and I'm right.
Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.
I wonder what it is about me that makes me so instantly forgettable? Unless I jump up and down and make a big hysterical scene people just don't seem to notice me. When I'm in the worst of my depressive episodes I get this weird feeling that I'm invisible: people look right through me, sales clerks don't hear me when I ask for help, I get walked into constantly on the street...
Mer.
Am going to stop before I thoroughly depress myself. I still stand by my original "I wish I had a close friend."
I kind of wish I had my own friend. Not that I don't have friends, obviously, but I mostly seem to be the proverbial third wheel around them. I'm always the latecomer, the "nice girl" that's okay to have around but kind of secondary and not necessary to include in plans and what have you.
I want to have someone who'll think of me *first* (just as I'd think of them *first*) when they want to go out and do something fun, or just stay home and chill. Hey, it could be a girlfriend too, I wouldn't object to that (*grin*).
I'm just tired of constantly having to chase after people in order to have anything like a social life. I'm always the one who calls people up or emails them, never the other way around. I have to initiate contact in order for people to even remember I exist.
Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself, but in this case I'm not mistaken. I've been monitoring this carefully for several months, just to make sure I wasn't being silly or imagining things, and I'm right.
Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.
I wonder what it is about me that makes me so instantly forgettable? Unless I jump up and down and make a big hysterical scene people just don't seem to notice me. When I'm in the worst of my depressive episodes I get this weird feeling that I'm invisible: people look right through me, sales clerks don't hear me when I ask for help, I get walked into constantly on the street...
Mer.
Am going to stop before I thoroughly depress myself. I still stand by my original "I wish I had a close friend."
