Stop the world, I want to get off

[mousme]

Am obviously on a major down swing in spite of the lovely meds. If I actually had a meds doctor I would talk to him/her about switching from an SSRI to a mood-stabiliser (Paxil sucks ass anyway because of all the discontinuation effects, and I don't want to be on it for the rest of my life). However, I only have the GP who seems very intent on getting me the hell out of his office as quickly as possible every time I see him. Maybe he feels I'm wasting his time with all my imaginary ailments.

Buggery and damnation.

I have a ton of things that need doing and have absolutely no inclination to get them done whatsoever.

I think I'll try making a list of the 100 things I need to get done and then make it my goal to get them all done one by one. It's a suggestion that I got from The Procrastinator's Handbook which firewillow gave me about two years ago. I've been procrastinating on a few important things that really need to get done before they come back to bite me in the ass soon. ^^;

I have a pad of paper somewhere for making lists that I'll hunt for as soon as I've finished this entry. LiveJournal: the new way to procrastinate.

I hate being depressed. It's like trying to swim in a lake of bubblegum. (I hate the smell of bubblegum, for those of you who are puzzled by the analogy)

Then again, I don't really like my hypomanic episodes either. I hate feeling constantly as though I'm on a sugar high or have had too much caffeine, having my thoughts race a million miles an hour and not being able to focus on anything at all for more than five minutes at a time.

Funny how both being hypomanic *and* being depressed seem to affect my attention span. When I'm depressed I feel "bored" and kind of wander from activity to activity without much interest in anything, and when I'm hypomanic I start ten million projects that never get finished. I really hate that. I haven't touched my knitting since Wednesday, so I guess I must have started getting depressed on Thursday. I want to continue on my blanket but can't summon the enthusiasm right now.

Right now I just feel like hiding under the dining room table with my huggie (my blanket which I haven't seen in about ten or twelve years) and my cats and be miserable and wibbly and sniffly and maybe eat some chocolate.

Instead I'm going to at least attempt not to become a completely depressed puddle on the ground and maybe do some cognitive therapy exercises or something. Anything to keep me from falling apart.

Tomorrow I get a new schedule at work. I'm torn because I'd like a slightly lighter work load, which would mean a less stressed-out Phnee, but because of the recent financial debacle I'm hesitant to do that in case some other random badness happens. *beats head on desk*

Comments

[hesadevil.livejournal.com]

Awwww Sweetie, don't fall apart. You know there are people rooting for you.

*returns the much hugs and snuggles* you sent my way earlier. Wish there were more I could do but the web has its limitations.

Re:

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Well, I won't fall apart completely, I promise.

I'm on antidepressants and I do have healthy coping mechanisms and all that crap.

I'm just in a crap mood and am using the internet to distract myself.

Thanks for the snuggles. Muchly appreciated. :)

[kimberly-a.livejournal.com]

Holy moly, do you have my empathy! On all of that! I feel the same way about both my hypomanic episodes and my depressive episodes, and how they each affect my attention span. I definitely hate depression the most, though. Bleh.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Agreed, although hypomania comes in a close second. ;)

At least when I'm hypomanic I don't feel like the smallest mistake could make my world fall apart. :P

[griffen.livejournal.com]

I love being bipolar. Really. *wry look*

*snugglehugs*

Re:

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Isn't it just a barrel of laughs?

I seem to be cycling a lot more rapidly since I've been on the SSRIs, or maybe I'm just more aware of the cycling than I used to be.

*shrugs*

*huggles back*

[sadillac.livejournal.com]

As your woobie, allow me to add my two cents. . .

::snuggles and hugs::

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

*snuggles back*

"Stop the world, I want to get off!"

[vureoelt.livejournal.com]

I used to use that quote fairly frequently. I once said it within earshot of joane... she then proceeded to tell me to "Get off on your own time!" ;) (I guess the double entendre is funnier in person though.)