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mousmeThat's it.
It's too much. For whatever reason I'm not having a good day, reading that on top of it all is too much. I'm going to go off, curl up on my bed, hug the nearest cat and cry. I can't deal with that, not today. Not even on a good day. It's just too much.
I can't take it back. I can't make it stop hurting for him. I can't go back in time and fix it all. If I could I'd erase the whole episode. Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all was full of shit. It depends on the situation, and it certainly doesn't apply to this one.
I hate this. I hate myself. I hate myself for being such a lousy piece of shit who can't even love anyone else properly. I don't think I've ever really loved someone in that way. I love my parents, I love my friends, but I can't bring myself to feel that very *different* kind of love that everyone else seems to be able to find at one point or another.
And so all I end up doing is hurting people. No matter how hard I try, I always end up hurting them.
God, I try so hard... and it's never enough.
It's too much. For whatever reason I'm not having a good day, reading that on top of it all is too much. I'm going to go off, curl up on my bed, hug the nearest cat and cry. I can't deal with that, not today. Not even on a good day. It's just too much.
I can't take it back. I can't make it stop hurting for him. I can't go back in time and fix it all. If I could I'd erase the whole episode. Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all was full of shit. It depends on the situation, and it certainly doesn't apply to this one.
I hate this. I hate myself. I hate myself for being such a lousy piece of shit who can't even love anyone else properly. I don't think I've ever really loved someone in that way. I love my parents, I love my friends, but I can't bring myself to feel that very *different* kind of love that everyone else seems to be able to find at one point or another.
And so all I end up doing is hurting people. No matter how hard I try, I always end up hurting them.
God, I try so hard... and it's never enough.
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Piece of shit?
Date: 2003-01-29 07:09 pm (UTC)He is acting like a total passive-aggressive drama queen with his public little displays of angst and suffering. At least you have the decency to keep the posts that would hurt his feelings under wraps, but does he think to do that? Noooo...
He needs a major fucking attitude adjustment. He needs to stop badgering you with his angst. I'm almost tempted to suggest you should de-filter all your filtered posts about him if he keeps it up and see if he likes that...
I'd recommend de-friending him both in LJ and IRL and getting on with your life... you don't need him dragging you down. It's not your fault he's such a, well, I think I've made my opinion of him fairly clear.
You don't deserve this; you deserve to be happy and loved and cared for and supported.
*squish*
Re: Piece of shit?
Date: 2003-01-30 08:54 am (UTC)I agree. You don't need him dragging you back again and again. You need to cut yourself off and away from him so you can go forward, and hopefully, that will help him move on as well.
Just my opinion, despite the fact that I am not very aware of what actually happened, it's just that I know from experience that in cases like this, you need scission in order not to get dragged down.
- Karine