Random noodling...
Oct. 19th, 2003 04:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeI'm beginning to think that either the new meds aren't at a high enough dosage, or else they're not really working.
I'm not supposed to be this depressed while on 800mg of Neurontin a day. Yes, it's a drug best designed for preventing the highs, but it's also supposed to keep me from being suicidal.
Kind of find myself wishing I was manic these days. It's so much more fun, even if it's anxiety-producing. At least then I don't hate myself. I like feeling as though I could do anything if only I had time or money or whatever. I prefer my thought patterns when I'm manic, even if they're just as fucked-up as when I'm depressed.
Two weeks before I see my meds doc.
I don't know if I'll have enough money to buy my meds when the time comes. Praying that my cheque will come before then.
God, this sucks.
Feh.
I'm not supposed to be this depressed while on 800mg of Neurontin a day. Yes, it's a drug best designed for preventing the highs, but it's also supposed to keep me from being suicidal.
Kind of find myself wishing I was manic these days. It's so much more fun, even if it's anxiety-producing. At least then I don't hate myself. I like feeling as though I could do anything if only I had time or money or whatever. I prefer my thought patterns when I'm manic, even if they're just as fucked-up as when I'm depressed.
Two weeks before I see my meds doc.
I don't know if I'll have enough money to buy my meds when the time comes. Praying that my cheque will come before then.
God, this sucks.
Feh.
