Random Musings From The Corporate Drone
Dec. 17th, 2002 06:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeI hate days like this. When I can feel the depression lurking in the background, trying to lure me back in, like some freaking big hairy spider trying to bait me so it can suck me dry.
Days like these when I have to break out the pen and paper and force myself to write down my automatic thoughts and refute them. Then my brain goes into overdrive and tells me: "Aren't you such a pathetic loser to still have to be doing this. Normal people don't have to write down their thoughts in order to function. You're just a freak who can't deal with herself so you need worksheets to feel better about yourself."
Then, if my brain feels like I deserve and extra-special ass-kicking, it'll keep going. "Dr. Yapp said you were officially in remission. You know that means you're not supposed to be depressed anymore, ever. I guess that means you failed your silly little Cognitive Therapy course, doesn't it? Which just goes to show it was a load of crap, and you'll never feel better, 'cause you're a loser and you don't deserve to ever be happy. Why don't you do everyone a favour and get your pathetic excuse for a life over with?"
So that means grabbing yeat another sheet of paper and getting rid of those automatic thoughts, and before you know it there's a whole hour gone by just so I don't go back to the point where I'm looking for the nearest metro station to bounce myself onto the tracks.
Yeah, so at times like these it's all I can do just not to sit on the floor and bawl like a baby.
Anyhoo, wrote long rambling post-type thing to a friend of mine about something that's been on my mind for a while now, but I'm not sure it was a good idea. It seems to have created more problems than it solved. Not to mention it's on a topic I'm still pretty sensitive about in spite of spending lots of time on worksheets trying to figure it all out in my head. I guess I'll see what happens.
Saw![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fearsclave for lunch, which greatly improved my morale, I must say. Just chatting about random silliness and work and whether or not jumping in front of busses is a really viable option is always good for the soul. Had a hefty hamburger platter and watched Fearsclave polish off a shepherd's pie (which in retrospect I should have had instead), then drove him back to the office.
Tried to open a bank account at the Caisse Populaire Desjardins, only to discover that they close at 2pm in the freaking afternoon! I was annoyed, but I guess I won't be opening an account with them in the near future.
Wandered around Chapters for about two hours, hoping to find a book I'd like, and ended up getting a "Get Fuzzy" daily calendar instead. I'm hoping it'll help me get through the next few months a bit better. I then poked around in the self-help section to check out the book 'Mu had recommended The Highly Sensitive Person, which was interesting but not gripping enough to buy.
It made some good points, and I certainly recognised myself in a lot of the chapters as well as scoring incredibly high on the inevitable self-test that these books always seem to include. Still, the advice given in the book seemed to me to be somehow lacking. I guess after reading the amazing Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy I've become choosier in what I expect out of a book like that.
Being told to "love the situation" kinda turns me off, so to speak. It feels far too fake and New-Agey, which I think is detrimental to the book as a whole, which presents some very good and valuable insights into what it calls 20% of the world's population.
For one thing, it was very nice to hear for once that I wasn't a freak, or overreacting, or too sensitive for my own good. It was nice to know that about 20% of people out there do hit the ceiling when a car horn goes off twenty feet away, or are deeply affected by other people's moods, or prefer to stand and watch for a long time before engaging in any activity, and that this isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Otherwise, though, the book didn't seem to me to present any good strategies for incorporating this into one's life. Yes, it's important to recognise that one can't change oneself entirely, but we do live in a world geared towards the 80% of the population that isn't "highly sensitive" (that is sensitive to outside stimuli, not in the sense of human empathy and sympathy), so offering practical help on that score would be appreciated.
Another psychodrama on BUS, of course. I don't know what it is about this time of year, but everyone seems to be going nuts on the board. One girl seems to be having some kind of psychotic breakdown (the jars of nuts in her house are talking to her!!!
), another wants to help a friend who's suicidal but in another country, and yet another one is going out of her way to see everything that's said in the worst possible light and conclude that the world hates her.
Okay, enough whingeing and moaning and whining and bitching for one day, I think.
Oh, and guess who is now starting to spam me again? I hopefirewillow is right and that he's just spamming everyone because he's back from NZ and wants to see people again.
Now that emoticon I like!
Days like these when I have to break out the pen and paper and force myself to write down my automatic thoughts and refute them. Then my brain goes into overdrive and tells me: "Aren't you such a pathetic loser to still have to be doing this. Normal people don't have to write down their thoughts in order to function. You're just a freak who can't deal with herself so you need worksheets to feel better about yourself."
Then, if my brain feels like I deserve and extra-special ass-kicking, it'll keep going. "Dr. Yapp said you were officially in remission. You know that means you're not supposed to be depressed anymore, ever. I guess that means you failed your silly little Cognitive Therapy course, doesn't it? Which just goes to show it was a load of crap, and you'll never feel better, 'cause you're a loser and you don't deserve to ever be happy. Why don't you do everyone a favour and get your pathetic excuse for a life over with?"
So that means grabbing yeat another sheet of paper and getting rid of those automatic thoughts, and before you know it there's a whole hour gone by just so I don't go back to the point where I'm looking for the nearest metro station to bounce myself onto the tracks.
Yeah, so at times like these it's all I can do just not to sit on the floor and bawl like a baby.
Anyhoo, wrote long rambling post-type thing to a friend of mine about something that's been on my mind for a while now, but I'm not sure it was a good idea. It seems to have created more problems than it solved. Not to mention it's on a topic I'm still pretty sensitive about in spite of spending lots of time on worksheets trying to figure it all out in my head. I guess I'll see what happens.
Saw
fearsclave for lunch, which greatly improved my morale, I must say. Just chatting about random silliness and work and whether or not jumping in front of busses is a really viable option is always good for the soul. Had a hefty hamburger platter and watched Fearsclave polish off a shepherd's pie (which in retrospect I should have had instead), then drove him back to the office.Tried to open a bank account at the Caisse Populaire Desjardins, only to discover that they close at 2pm in the freaking afternoon! I was annoyed, but I guess I won't be opening an account with them in the near future.
Wandered around Chapters for about two hours, hoping to find a book I'd like, and ended up getting a "Get Fuzzy" daily calendar instead. I'm hoping it'll help me get through the next few months a bit better. I then poked around in the self-help section to check out the book 'Mu had recommended The Highly Sensitive Person, which was interesting but not gripping enough to buy.
It made some good points, and I certainly recognised myself in a lot of the chapters as well as scoring incredibly high on the inevitable self-test that these books always seem to include. Still, the advice given in the book seemed to me to be somehow lacking. I guess after reading the amazing Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy I've become choosier in what I expect out of a book like that.
Being told to "love the situation" kinda turns me off, so to speak. It feels far too fake and New-Agey, which I think is detrimental to the book as a whole, which presents some very good and valuable insights into what it calls 20% of the world's population.
For one thing, it was very nice to hear for once that I wasn't a freak, or overreacting, or too sensitive for my own good. It was nice to know that about 20% of people out there do hit the ceiling when a car horn goes off twenty feet away, or are deeply affected by other people's moods, or prefer to stand and watch for a long time before engaging in any activity, and that this isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Otherwise, though, the book didn't seem to me to present any good strategies for incorporating this into one's life. Yes, it's important to recognise that one can't change oneself entirely, but we do live in a world geared towards the 80% of the population that isn't "highly sensitive" (that is sensitive to outside stimuli, not in the sense of human empathy and sympathy), so offering practical help on that score would be appreciated.
Another psychodrama on BUS, of course. I don't know what it is about this time of year, but everyone seems to be going nuts on the board. One girl seems to be having some kind of psychotic breakdown (the jars of nuts in her house are talking to her!!!
), another wants to help a friend who's suicidal but in another country, and yet another one is going out of her way to see everything that's said in the worst possible light and conclude that the world hates her.Okay, enough whingeing and moaning and whining and bitching for one day, I think.
Oh, and guess who is now starting to spam me again? I hope
firewillow is right and that he's just spamming everyone because he's back from NZ and wants to see people again. Now that emoticon I like!
