Scheduling fail, and thinking about cabbages and kings

Oy. I arrived at the gym in time fore my appointment, only to be met with puzzled stares: turns out my appointment was yesterday. :::headdesk::: Agenda-checking fail. :P

Otherwise, there's not much to report so far today. The weather is glorious, I'm stuck at work, and things are chugging along.

bodhifox has been writing things that are making me think, damn him. ;) The entry is locked, so I won't copy what he wrote, but it echoed what I've been feeling on a subconscious level, that it seems like all the important things in my life (my friends, my writing, my garden, my cooking, my desire to feel fulfilled by what I do) are being subsumed by things which are... less important than that.

( In which Phnee tries to examine what it means to be a work in progress )

Anyway, the short version is that I am the product of eighteen years of on-and-off consciously changing who I am. In some ways, I am exactly the same person I was as a small child: by nature optimistic, quick to smile, less quick to talk in social situations, in love with nature even if I don't understand it, quick to trust, slow to forgive, possibly a little too open for my own good. In all the ways that count, I am still me.

In essence, I have never found it entirely impossible to change an aspect of myself that I didn't like, within reasonable limits. I am no stranger to self-examination, and I am pretty lucid about what makes me tick. The fact that I am aware of all my neuroses doesn't make them go away magically, but at least it means I can bring them out into the harsh light of day, and ignore them as best I can when they threaten to interfere with how I want to live my life.

Getting back to what sparked this, I am in the midst of changing things again, and this time I think the changes might not be small at all. As usual, I am not especially good with change: it makes me intensely uncomfortable and makes me want to run and hide under my bedclothes. Luckily I have lots of experience to tell me that change is usually beneficial, so I'm going to forge ahead. I have no idea if it'll work, but if it does, you'll be the first to know. :)

I just had a variant on this dream last night...

I was patting myself on the back for not having had this dream in a really long time. Turns out I'm not immune, even fifteen years after leaving high school and ten years after leaving university (okay, not quite ten... nine? Ish?)



ladytairngire said in fearsclave's LJ that she believes school dreams to be iconic in the same way that flying and falling dreams are, and that makes a lot of sense to me. I know that I tend to have this school-based dream whenever I'm in the midst of making life changes (see previous post).

I personally find that whenever I dream of being in school or taking a test it reflects my progress in some life lesson. For example, if I dream of my grade school I'm at the beginning of a lesson, middle school = in the midst, high school or college = almost at the end. Confronted with a test you aren't prepared for? Finding yourself in the wrong classroom? These things can easily be metaphors for life events.

So, yes. Pretty much what she said. :)

I almost forgot!

Happy Spring, everyone!