A real update, I guess

[mousme]

Been quite the weekend.

Spent most of it with Poms, which was a refreshing change from the way things were going before. Somehow, not much alone time was had in the last two or three weeks. Partly my fault, because I just wasn't available, and partly circumstances (like Bigfoot) just weren't conducive to it.

Saw Lilo & Stitch yesterday, and spent the entire movie laughing and crying almost hysterically. It's the best Disney Movie I've seen since Beauty & the Beast. I don't know. Maybe it's because I felt like such an emotional basket case this week, but somehow I felt the characters in this movie were so much more *real* than they usually are in Disney movies, and I felt more strongly connected to them, the way I do with well–developed characters in novels and live–action movies.

Something truly poignant about Stitch, the genetic experiment, sitting alone in the woods and crying while reading the story of the Ugly Duckling. Don't know why it affected me quite so profoundly, though.

D&D today much fun. RC let me roll my triple critical to behead a demon–type thing. Naturally the forces of Iuz *would* choose a week before my character's wedding to mount a full–scale invasion of the Gnarley forest, kidnap her father *and* the priest meant to marry her and her betrothed. *grumble*

Spent lovely evening with Poms at crowded Italian restaurant on Wellington with regrettable Napoletan singer with accordeon and keyboard singing regrettable Napoletan love songs. Was amusing, if loud.

Funny thing about Poms is that whenever I'm with him, I feel unconditionally loved and happy. Doubts just seem to slide away, and no matter what horrible thoughts are racing through my mind, it's as though the rest of my body won't let my mind control it. When I'm around him I can't wipe this silly grin off my face, don't want him to leave, can't bear to be more than a few inches away, while the rest of me is screaming from somewhere deep inside to run away as far and as fast as I can.

I'm terrified of driving him away, and I think in my fear I'm doing just that. I expect I can work on that, though. As soon as I convince myself I'm not some disgusting sub–human piece of garbage that doesn't deserve to be loved and ought to be alone the rest of her life, locked away where she can't contaminate anyone else.

*blink*

That came out stronger than I intended. *sheepish laugh*

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Since when can "sub-human garbage" speak the best part of four languages? Let go your fears.
Poms.

*cling*

[mousme.livejournal.com]

See, this is what I'm talking about when I say my boyfriend rocks.

*beam*

*cling*

Must refrain from reading these things at work. I practically cried over the phone with a client. :)

[cymry.livejournal.com]

sub-humans also don't experience emotion. it's all instinct and drive to them. and you, my dear, most definately experience emotion. (see, even the bad ones serve a purpose!) =)