Goodbye, George

[mousme]

At 17:00 I decided to take the dog out for a walk to go look for Pan-Pan. I opened the front door, and George slipped between my legs and headed out for the evening. I locked the door, turned around, and watched as a car drove by and hit him.

For a second it didn't seem real. Then it all snapped into place when I saw him writhing in pain. His eye had come out of his socket, and there was blood and brain matter all over the street.

I scooped him up in my arms and put him in the back of the car, unceremoniously shoved the dog back in the house (the poor dog was so confused about why he wasn't getting his walk) and drove to the vet, which is luckily right around the corner from where I live. Unfortunately, it was still too long for George. He died during the five minutes it took for me to get there. When I picked him up to carry him inside, I could tell that the life had left his body: he was limp, and his head lolled to the side.

Needless to say, I was hysterical mess by the time I got in the vet's office. I was covered in blood and cradling a dead cat, and I think the only thing I managed to convey was "Il s'est fait frapper!" which loosely translates to "He got hit." After that I mostly continued having hysterics while the vet took George from me, and the receptionist hovered and tried to get me to sit down and have a drink of water.

It didn't take long before they confirmed what I already knew. They let me wash the blood off my hands and arms, and we took care of the paperwork and the fee to get George cremated. They gave me back his collar, although I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it.

I came home and sobbed some more, managed to pull myself together a little bit before pdaughter and Bean got home. She was fantastic, and even went out with a bucket of water to rinse away the blood and grey matter off the street so I won't have to look at it every time I go by in the next few days.

It's been three and a half hours, and I honestly still don't know what to do with myself. I'm mostly trying to keep myself distracted, because if I think about it for too long I start replaying the accident over and over in my head.

I knew, of course, that there was a risk this would happen. I knew as soon as I started letting the cats out that they might be killed by a car or by another animal or by any other means. I never imagined it happening in a way that was quite this traumatic, though.

Comments

[embroiderama]

OMG. *hugs and hugs* That's so incredibly awful. I'm so sorry.

[de-nugis.livejournal.com]

I am so, so sorry. I saw my cat Grendel die suddenly -- not nearly as traumatically, it was a massive heart attack, I knew he had the chronic condition but there was absolutely no warning of the immediate end -- but it's just horrible, very different from making the decision to get a cat put to sleep and being with them or even watching a cat slip away in a gradual illness. I can't say I've stopped reliving the moment from time to time. I don't know what to say, just, I'm really, really sorry, for you and for George.

[quickreaver.livejournal.com]

I am so incredibly sorry. I just can't express that strongly enough. I've been through deaths, and it's always a level of horrible, no matter what. This sucks. I'm so, so sorry. *hugs*

[miseri.livejournal.com]

That's awful, Daphne. I'm sorry to hear it. I ... don't know what else to say.

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

That is horrible. Simply horrible. I'm so sorry for your loss.

My cat was killed by a car too when she was only 6 years old, but I'm forever thankful that I didn't see it happen myself. It was bad enough when we got the collar back from the vet (someone else had brought her in) and I could see how it was all scratched up from the road. So, I know a little of what you are going through, but definitely not all of it - I'm glad you have people around to support and help.

*hugs*

Try to do other things

[scrollwriter.livejournal.com]

This is never easy. Good luck with the coping and hopefully less moping.

[wolflady26.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

[morganoconner.livejournal.com]

Oh no. Oh my god, I'm so, so sorry you had to go through this. *many hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

Christ, I'm sorry. That it happened is horrible. That you had to witness it happen is horrific. Poor George, and poor poor you.

There is always the risk, as you say. But outdoor cats seem to lead such rich, vibrant, happy lives, one takes the risk anyway. I hope as time passes you can take some comfort in the fact that George had a good life.

My deepest condolences, Daphne.

xoxoxox
~Pasley

[toughlovemuse.livejournal.com]

Oh, Phnee. I don't have words for how sorry I am.

All our love. All the hugs.

[owldaughter.livejournal.com]

I second all the love, all the hugs. He had a wonderful life with you, and was one of the very best of cats. Words cannot convey how sorry I am for your loss, and for the way in which he was taken from you.

[sorceror.livejournal.com]

That's terrible! I'm very sorry.

[ai731.livejournal.com]

Oh Phnee, I'm so sorry! How horrible to have it happen right in front of you like that. Please let yourself do the grieving you need to do. When Grimmy died, t! and I both cried for two days. *hugging Saash and Whiskey*

[foi-nefaste.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for both you and George. That's terrible.