Well, this was rage-inducing

[mousme]

So for some reason, I am still subscribed to FlyLady. Though now that I've found Unfuck Your Habitat, I was considering dropping FlyLady. It's the same principle of cleaning in small increments, but with less God and more foul language. More my style. ;)

Then one of today's "testimonials" from FlyLady proved the last straw.

Dear FlyLady,

To be honest I have never even looked at your website. But my wife does. I have debated over the past few years over whether or not to leave my wife. I love her with all my heart. We have had problems since getting together 15 years ago.

I have always lived in very clean homes and she had always lived in chaos. It has had a serious toll on our relationship, almost to the brink of disaster. I have always maintained the idea she would grow out of this and things would get better but they never did, until I told her I was ready to walk out the door.

I'm not sure what she did, maybe a little soul searching and who knows. She started changing and talking about you. She used to always look like she rolled out of bed and into whatever was laying around. Our house was embarrassingly disgusting, and nothing was ever organized. She wouldn't shop, care for the kids, cook, and developed a seriously bad attitude. The worse she got then the worse my attitude towards her.

Now she gets out of bed, takes care of herself, keeps her tone in check, cooks, cleans a little here and there, keeps some sort of notebook with all her todo stuff, and has quickly started to become the woman I fell in love with. I am so happy with her right now.

Thank you so much for being able to connect with her thru your website. I feel like she is the same person, just living to her potential. My life is renewed, my marriage is renewed and most importantly, I know she feels a whole lot better about herself!!

A FlyBaby's Husband



*********************************

FlyLady here: We don't often get testimonials from a FlyBaby's husband. When we do they they are not usually good ones. This is the best kind; a husband who has found the woman he fell in love with!

Many times we get so overwhelmed at the state of our homes that we don't know where to start. I am so proud of this family. I am especially proud of this husband for sharing his feelings with his wife. I know this was hard for her to hear. She did not stick her head under the covers; she jumped in and got started!


Well, thank GOD for FlyLady, otherwise this woman would have lost the perfect husband! After all, nothing says "I love you" like a guy who expects you to cook, clean and "keep [your] tone in check," right? It's your duty as a wife to look after the kids, make sure the house is pristine and that dinner is on the table when your husband comes home, and of course you must look pretty all the time while doing it.

How much do you want to bet that this guy hasn't ever seen the working end of a mop? He always lived in clean homes, sure, but I'm willing to bet it was his mother and ex-girlfriends/wives who did it for him.

In short, I am done with this shit. I'm going over 100% to Unfuck Your Habitat with not a single regret.

Comments

[embroiderama]

UGH. Yeah, I found UFYH first, and when I looked at FlyLady I was like, "Ummmm, not for me." It seems very much aimed at the SAHM. The Christian SAHM. In any case, NOT ME.

I find the UFYH app very encouraging and worth the few bucks.

[chasingthenuns.livejournal.com]

I'm a SAHM and I do not approve of that fly lady shit.

[embroiderama]

It just seemed to be aimed that way with the emphasis on things like getting dressed and putting on sneakers, etc. that aren't so much of an issue for people who go somewhere else for work every day. But yeah, it seems like a pretty narrow market.

[chasingthenuns.livejournal.com]

I agree. I just want you to know that not all SAHMs are like that. I expect my husband to pitch in and sometimes my house isn't perfectly clean and I'm okay with that.

[embroiderama]

Awesome! :)

[primrose-1.livejournal.com]

Marla got that one wrong, definitely. That now his house is clean he loves his wife again? Uh uh. Somebody ought to smack some sense into that man.

[chasingthenuns.livejournal.com]

I think I would have told him that if he weren't willing to help then by all means, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

I hope she turned her own life around for herself and is now serving that asshole with divorce papers.

The Sidetracked Sisters

[griffen.livejournal.com]

who are the real thing, to me (Flylady blatantly copied almost all their stuff), once had a jackass like this guy call a radio station whose talk show they were being interviewed on to complain about his wife, who had let herself go, was fat and ugly, didn't care about the house, blah blah blah. You know, the usual. Pam, the older of the two sisters (who was about fifty at the time), said to him, "How about your kids? How are they doing?" (He had mentioned he had four of them.)

"Oh, they're great. I have to admit she did well there. The oldest is a doctor, the next boy is a district attorney, the middle girl has her bachelor's degree but she has a great family with two kids and her husband is a construction worker, and the youngest is just graduating from college this spring."

Then she hit him with the truth. "Sir? Do you know how hard it is and how much time it takes to get four children through teething, out of diapers, potty trained, under your thumb, through grade school, into puberty, over their fears, into their successes, out of high school, and successfully graduated from college?"

Silence for about five seconds, and then.... Click....

He'd run away because he couldn't handle it.

In short: Fuck your platitudes, Flylady. And fuck you sideways, asshole husband of a "Flybaby."

I am now going to investigate Unfuck Your Habitat.

[foi-nefaste.livejournal.com]

I highly recommend Unfuck Your Habitat, especially with the focus on "do what you can" and effing getting to bed on time after having done what's needed for the following morning. Helpful to me... I'm horrible at actually going to bed, even when I desperately need sleep.

And FlyLady is rage-inducing to my feminist sensibilities. I've had that conversation with Oliver before... I genuinely think that assuming that it's 'natural' that he does less around the house is to think less of him as a person AKA: I expect of myself that I juggle 60-hour work-weeks, family obligations, household chores, cooking, exercise - which usually is the one that slips - and free time related to maintaining sanity. Thinking that he is less capable or less able to juggle the same feels like I'm saying he's less-than-my-expectations-of-myself, and, dammit, I think higher of him than that.

So, for me, the whole "women do housework" is rage-inducing on multiple levels. I had looked into flylady, but couldn't get past the misogyny and cutesy tone. I'll take my cleaning with swearing and equality, thanks.

[serenitylioness.livejournal.com]

I just saw this post! Holy crap!

Yes "unadulterated rage" is the appropriate tag!

I'm going to look into UnfnckYourHabitat ... and tell friends! LOL