Phone call from my mother

[mousme]

So I picked up the phone today, and it was my mother on the other end, sounding breathless and agitated.

Mim: "Daphné, Daphné, help! S.O.S.!"

Me: "What's going on?" (I can tell by her tone that it's not life or death, luckily)

Mim: "My new stove is electronic and I can't make it work and it's SPEAKING to me in THREE LANGUAGES!"

Me: *dies laughing*

Mim: "It's not funny!"

Me: "Are you kidding me? That's hilarious! Didn't it come with a friendly manual?"

Mim: "Yes, but I can't understand it. Besides, they shipped the wrong parts so I can't even cook with it yet."

Me: "Ah. So what's the trouble? Apart from that?"

Mim: "The oven locks automatically and won't let me open it. It's telling me the temperature outside, and I DON'T CARE. I just want to know the time!"

Me: "You can't set the clock?"

Mim: "No. It gives me the choice between twelve hours and twenty-four hours, and I can't change it to twelve hours. It also keeps saying SABBATH at me in blinking lights. Sabbath-Sabbath-Sabbath."

Me: *dies some more* "Maybe your stove is possessed!"

Mim: "It's NOT funny! Daddy refuses to touch it, and you know how he is with electronics anyway."

Me: "God, yes. Don't let him near it! I'll come by this afternoon."

Mim: "THANK YOU. I bought these lovely tournedos yesterday, and now they're sitting forlornly in the frigidaire because I can't cook them."

Me: "All right. I'll be there in the afternoon."

Comments

[toughlovemuse.livejournal.com]

I love your mother. I hope the fix goes well.

But are you sure she said "I don't care" about the temperature outside? Maybe she meant "I DON'T WANT TO KNOW."

(God only knows, *I* don't want to know.)

[mousme.livejournal.com]

She said "I don't care," but she really meant "I don't want to know." I'm trying to remain faithful to the text, though. :)

[toughlovemuse.livejournal.com]

Your dedication to journalism is admirable.

Does your mom know she has a fan club?

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Yes, and she's thoroughly perplexed by it. :)

[threnodythefop.livejournal.com]

Clearly the stove is an observant jew, and believes that it's already the evening. To test this theory, try turning the lights off. If the stove gets squiffy, you know it doesn't approve.

[owldaughter.livejournal.com]

I squee at this comment. Hee!

[toughlovemuse.livejournal.com]

It actually occurred to me that the stove might be set up for something like that. I know there are covers you can put on light switches so you don't inadvertently turn them on/off, forgetting that it's Shabbos. Why not a stove that warns you "No, you cannot cook!"?

[threnodythefop.livejournal.com]

In all seriousness, I'm pretty sure there are ways of doing it. Not sure HOW mind

[crowgirl13.livejournal.com]

I'm still giggling over this.
Don't forget the holy water when you go on over.

[owldaughter.livejournal.com]

Do the three languages count as speaking in tongues? Because that would take the cake.

I love that it's locked itself and won't let her open it. Maybe she should sit next to it and read something soothing, or play restful music to soothe the savage breast. You know, tame it so it will let her approach and program it correctly.

[le-maistre-e.livejournal.com]

For that first sentence, you just win.

[karine.livejournal.com]

I am curled up in my chair laughing and wheezing. I think it's the Sabbath-Sabbath-Sabbath part that killed me. *OMG DED*

[heartofawarrior.livejournal.com]

OMG! *giggles like mad* I SO needed that right now. :-) Your mom is AWESOME! It was the "you know how he is with electronics" bit that got me - that reminds me so much of my Gram...

Sabbath Oven

[ankhorite.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the new ones have special settings that very observant Jews can use to set up the cooking the day BEFORE the Sabbath, it being forbidden work to "make a fire" ON the Sabbath (and making electrical connections via switches is considered making a fire, even if you're just turning a lamp on).

Ours is like that. Fortunately, we're atheist, so I've never had to engage my oven in theological debate.

Or multi-lingual debate; I stick my dearest savant_da_rat with all that.

You're a good daughter.