Well, isn't stress fun?

[mousme]

I didn't get the job I applied for, which is not the end of the world, as I'll be charging another $1,500 for the newest translation I'm going to work on.

I did get to bed at 10pm, but woke up with a massive panic attack at 10:30. I don't even remember *why* I thought I should be panicking, but panic I did until I thought I'd never be able to breathe again. Managed to convince myself that whatever I'd panicked about (I think it was something to do with there being someone in my apartment) wasn't going to happen, and managed to get back to sleep after that.

Slept more or less okay (woke up a few times, got woken up by cats at a few intervals, what have you) and got up at 9:30 feeling as though I hadn't slept at all.

Will try again tonight. :P


I managed to get some of the dishes done, but I've let things get so out of hand that I don't have room in my small sink to do it all efficiently.

So, I've decided to revolutionise my world of dishwashing, at least for the week: I filled the bathtub with soapy water and have left the dishes to soak until I get home tonight. Once I get this huge mess fixed it should be easier to do the dishes a little bit at a time instead of letting them pile up.

The kitchen floor is also proving to be a big challenge due to some cat-related spills that I didn't deal with properly. However, I am confident that a few days of effort should see me through that crisis as well.

Tonight my main goal is to throw away all that needs to be thrown away and put it out for the trash tomorrow. Again, clearing away the clutter should help with the cleanup and my own peace of mind.


begin rant

I am no longer interested in helping my ex get over himself. I tried, and he's going right back to the passive-aggressive, manipulative behaviour that nearly made me lose my mind in January. I don't have the time or the mental energy to deal with this kind of crap right now, or at any time in my life, really. He doesn't want closure (no matter how much he may need it), he wants a bad guy on whom to blame all his troubles so that he can come out smelling of roses. That's all well and good, but it's a game he can play alone as far as I'm concerned: he doesn't need me around to convince himself that he's really an okay guy who was unfairly punished for no good reason. :P

/end rant

Comments

About your rant...

[sorceror.livejournal.com]

You go, girl! Right on! 8^)

Sorry -- I probably shouldn't comment, since I don't really know much about it. But I have to say it sounds like absolutely the right attitude to take -- both from what little I do know, and just in general. So good for you!

Re: About your rant...

[mousme.livejournal.com]

*grin*

Go ahead and comment. I do it all the time, even when I have no idea what I'm talking about. ;)

Seriously, though: any post I leave public with comments enabled, I pretty much know that people might read it and comment.

Besides, I like the attention. ;)

[caitlin.livejournal.com]

In regards to the whole bloody mess re: your ex - You don't NEED to help him get closure, or to get over himself. You need to take care of YOU first.

I haven't said anything before now because I wasn't quite sure what to say. I think he needs to grow up and get over himself...

And... *silly face* Isn't housecleaning just SO fun... ;) *HUGS*

C.

[palmir.livejournal.com]

What caitlin said. Remember, you always put the oxygen mask on yourself before taking care of the child or elderly person beside you. Take care of you, and let the kiddy die! Bwahahahahahahaha!

Note that the oxygen isn't actually to help you breathe; it's to get you high, so your last few moments alive are happy.[/paraphrase of Fight Club]

[mina-laury.livejournal.com]

Ick about the panic attack, and go you!! about the rant.

[djs-specs.livejournal.com]

(I think it was something to do with there being someone in my apartment)

I've found that its always good to have a small kitchen knife in my bedside table for that sort of thing. That way the kitties can't hurt themselves and you might feel a bit more safe.

How do I know this? Well, let's just say that my daddy's a policeman, I grew up reading the police magazine he's subscribed to and I'm prone to attacks of paranoia...

As for Poms, I think you made the right decision based on what little I know. Let him lay blame on his own time and nowhere near you.

*huggles* You did good kid.

[joane.livejournal.com]

Let him swing in the wind of his own making. At this point, a year later, he has deliberately *chosen* to be miserable, and there's absolutely nothing anyone can do to change that. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

[mousme.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much what I figure.

At the instigation of one of our mutual friends, we exchanged a few emails because he claims to want "closure," but the exchange only proved to me that he's still trying to pull the same stunts as he did in January, and I don't have time for that.

If he wants closure, then he needs to tell me what it is he wants from me (as I've asked him to do), rather than keep on accusing me of stuff he claims I did. That kind of attitude will get him nowhere fast with me.

Go you...

[fearsclave.livejournal.com]

With respect to djs_specs's comment about keeping a small kitchen knife by the bed, that's not a bad idea. A horking big Maglite might work, too. That way, if the police ever ask you how intruder-boy wound up making a mess on your parquet, you can say that you were playing flashlight tag with your cats, and tend to be rather jumpy...

And go you. Really.