![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeI don't know, if someone had told me fifteen years ago that life is a process, whether I'd have believed them. At fifteen, I had this vague impression that by the time I was thirty not only would I have had everything figured out, but I'd have a home, a prestigious job (I had very different notions of that at fifteen), and a family (husband and at least one child, plus dog). Picket fence, large rose garden (I didn't know about growing veggies back then), and dinner parties once a month.
Heh.
I kind of wish I'd clued into what I really want out of life earlier than when I did. There's a span of about four or five years that I spent in my twenties having no idea about anything, and I did a lot of things which are even now contributing to sabotaging my current plans. My kingdom for a time machine, so I could go back and tell myself "This particular thing you are about to do is a Bad Plan." Mostly it's the financial decisions I made which sucked, and I don't think I would create a horrific temporal paradox by, say, NOT leasing a car at the age of 23, only a few months before quitting my job.
So these days I keep having to repeat to myself that life is a process. Process process process. In many ways I'm still that fifteen-year-old, looking around at my life and saying: "But I'm 30 now! Why hasn't it all fallen into place?" Thirty seemed like the magic "adult" number, and to a certain extent still does.
I have my act together these days, far moreso than I ever have in my entire life. I just keep having to remind myself that it's not going to happen all at once; that's just not how it works. I keep looking around and wondering why I'm not "done," and then I remember that I will never be "done." "Done" isn't a word that applies to life.
Heh.
I kind of wish I'd clued into what I really want out of life earlier than when I did. There's a span of about four or five years that I spent in my twenties having no idea about anything, and I did a lot of things which are even now contributing to sabotaging my current plans. My kingdom for a time machine, so I could go back and tell myself "This particular thing you are about to do is a Bad Plan." Mostly it's the financial decisions I made which sucked, and I don't think I would create a horrific temporal paradox by, say, NOT leasing a car at the age of 23, only a few months before quitting my job.
So these days I keep having to repeat to myself that life is a process. Process process process. In many ways I'm still that fifteen-year-old, looking around at my life and saying: "But I'm 30 now! Why hasn't it all fallen into place?" Thirty seemed like the magic "adult" number, and to a certain extent still does.
I have my act together these days, far moreso than I ever have in my entire life. I just keep having to remind myself that it's not going to happen all at once; that's just not how it works. I keep looking around and wondering why I'm not "done," and then I remember that I will never be "done." "Done" isn't a word that applies to life.
