A little too prosaic
Dec. 5th, 2008 08:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeI sometimes wonder if I didn't break somewhere along the way, in an undefinable fashion. Either that, or I've got the heart of a romantic with the brain of a pragmatist.
I've never felt the whole love thing the way other people seem to. I don't get it. I am able to love, I know this, and I do feel things deeply, but I've never had that whole "If-you're-not-near-me-I-can't-breathe" thing. The people I love don't occupy all my waking thoughts. In fact, I can go for several days without thinking of them at all, except for the occasional fond moment, when I think: "Gosh, I bet [$Person] would get a kick out of this!"
Some of my friends have been saying things like it feels as though they've known each other forever, and they can't remember when they really met, and very nice things like that. It sounds nice, it truly does. I pretty much remember the times when I met all of my friends: first meetings are important to me, and so they stick in my mind.
As a corollary to this, a lot of my friends act around me as though we've been friends much longer than they have. They'll refer to things that happened years and years ago, when I wasn't even in the picture. It feels a little weird to tell them: "Actually, we weren't friends when that happened. I wasn't there." They are always surprised that I haven't been around forever.
I don't know why I have this mental disconnect: no one else seems to experience this, or if they do they never let on. I think I may have been raised to be a little too prosaic in my everyday dealings: True Love is great, but it happens in stories and to other people. Eternal Friendship? Same deal. Magical Abilities? Ditto.
Most of the time I'm happy to be a Muggle, and to simply smile and nod and be supportive of all my friends who seem to have this extra knowledge hanging around, but there are times when... I dunno, I get a bit wistful. Sometimes, I think it would be nice if I didn't have to work as hard to actually connect with people, if it could just come a little more naturally.
I've never felt the whole love thing the way other people seem to. I don't get it. I am able to love, I know this, and I do feel things deeply, but I've never had that whole "If-you're-not-near-me-I-can't-breathe" thing. The people I love don't occupy all my waking thoughts. In fact, I can go for several days without thinking of them at all, except for the occasional fond moment, when I think: "Gosh, I bet [$Person] would get a kick out of this!"
Some of my friends have been saying things like it feels as though they've known each other forever, and they can't remember when they really met, and very nice things like that. It sounds nice, it truly does. I pretty much remember the times when I met all of my friends: first meetings are important to me, and so they stick in my mind.
As a corollary to this, a lot of my friends act around me as though we've been friends much longer than they have. They'll refer to things that happened years and years ago, when I wasn't even in the picture. It feels a little weird to tell them: "Actually, we weren't friends when that happened. I wasn't there." They are always surprised that I haven't been around forever.
I don't know why I have this mental disconnect: no one else seems to experience this, or if they do they never let on. I think I may have been raised to be a little too prosaic in my everyday dealings: True Love is great, but it happens in stories and to other people. Eternal Friendship? Same deal. Magical Abilities? Ditto.
Most of the time I'm happy to be a Muggle, and to simply smile and nod and be supportive of all my friends who seem to have this extra knowledge hanging around, but there are times when... I dunno, I get a bit wistful. Sometimes, I think it would be nice if I didn't have to work as hard to actually connect with people, if it could just come a little more naturally.
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no subject
Date: 2008-12-08 05:47 pm (UTC)I firmly believe there are no invalid views when it comes to love. You have yours.
Things between two people work when those views mesh well. That goes for friendship, lovers and family.
For myself, The whole "I can't breathe when you are not near" bit happens, but it can only be AT MOST, the beginning. No one can live that way for long. I hate that we've been sold that we must be in this infatuation state forever and ever without any work at all and if you aren't...then you aren't "meant to be". This view contributed to my first marriage falling apart.
At the same time, the way I see it, there's always something there. There comes a time when pragmatism must give way to romanticism. I love J and I will choose her over pragmatic outcomes everytime because it feels right to me. It means drama over easy sometimes but that's ALL relationships, it's the price to pay.
I'm a hopeless romantic though, so it's in me to think and feel this way. While I can't live with every day being hearts and flowers, I DO work to bring that into our lives every once in a while. It doesn't just happen...well most times it doesn't. It comes and goes. When it goes, there's something there that says "it's going to come back again...no worries". When it goes with J, I know I'll remember it's going to come back.
I know a lot of very down to earth, rational, pragmatic people who are together and IMHO are no less "in love" than I. It's just expressed differently for them, in THEIR context. It works.