So, how was *your* day?
Mar. 5th, 2002 11:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeYeah, so here I am, 11:30-ish at night and just able to logon now.
Stupid connection failures for like an hour and a half. Yechh.
Saw BB today at the guild but didn't get a chance to really talk to him 'cause EB wandered in and started being annoying about three seconds later. I *almost* feel sorry for him because he obviously had no clue how much I wanted to just grab his tray and beat him to death with it. He was so self-satisfied about having partially tidied up the office yesterday, it was like he'd personally hand-crafted the eighth wonder of the world.
Anyway, wanted to talk to BB about the last conversation we'd had via ICQ, but since what I wanted to discuss was not too pleasant and kind of personal I didn't want to do it in front of EB.
*grr*
It's so unfair. I still feel horrible about that conversation, as though somehow it was *my* fault that he was in a foul mood over the whole weekend and took it out on me later. As though I did no work at all during this convention. Super, massively unfair. It's not like I didn't tell him two dozen times what a good job he was doing. I got as little sleep as he did, got abused by my parents the morning before Con and STILL managed to appear to be in a good -if really stressed and hyper- mood for the duration of the Con. Even when all I wanted to do was lock myself in a dark closet, curl up in a corner and just slice at my arms until there was no skin left there at all.
God, why can't people learn to suck it up and deal? Put on a goddamned happy face so the world doesn't fucking have to deal with your problems as well as their own! Hell, the least you can do is try. I'm not always sunshine and roses, but at least I *try* to mask it.
Blech.
I'm in a really bad mood. I'm still sick, so it can't have been food poisoning. Must be some icky 'flu bug, or salmonella with my luck.
On to other topics.
I had my skill assessment test today. I think it went well even if I didn't *quite* finish the math portion. I was just missing one answer and I think I did really well on the other two parts. All I have to do is wait until noon tomorrow to get my answer, and then on to the third interview. Go me! If I get it, that is.
Man, you'd think I was trying to get a job at the Pentagon or something... At least it pays reasonably well.
Of course, the job *would* be in Dorval. And I *would* get lost on my way back. I was so stressed out and wiggy that I took the bus the wrong way and got really lost and nearly freaked out completely. I didn't though, which was a good step, and I did manage to get back home. My father came to get me in the car at Lionel Groulx metro so I didn't have to go the whole way by myself.
Feeling really horrible now. I'm still upset about BB's comments, feeling stupid for getting lost and not getting that math question right, and now on top of it all my arm hurts like nobody's business.
Yeah, yeah, I might as well come out and say it: I'm a self-injurer. Big whoop. For those of you who are wondering or even care: no, it's not a botched attempt at suicide. No, it's not a cry for attention. I get more than enough attention as it is. Yes, I am getting help. No, I'm not crazy. It's just a combination of bi-polar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder from stuff which happened when I was younger, and very poor coping skills.
Actually, here's a nifty link for your edification:
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/
That ought to answer any questions you may have and spare me the embarassment of having to explain it all. The internet is one thing, face-to-face is quite another. Conflict Avoidance Girl strikes once more!
I'm in a really crappy mood. I hope I'm better by tomorrow. I hate having to fake good moods. No one ever really buys my act, and it's exhausting trying to keep up a happy face.
Funny how the only person I never have to fake anything with is ALB. I hope she doesn't mind. I'm having lunch with her on Thursday. I hope my interview, if it happens at all, won't interfere with that. I really like having lunch with her. Must take her out to see Gosford Park soon. The movie rocks, and she needs to see it.
Stupid connection failures for like an hour and a half. Yechh.
Saw BB today at the guild but didn't get a chance to really talk to him 'cause EB wandered in and started being annoying about three seconds later. I *almost* feel sorry for him because he obviously had no clue how much I wanted to just grab his tray and beat him to death with it. He was so self-satisfied about having partially tidied up the office yesterday, it was like he'd personally hand-crafted the eighth wonder of the world.
Anyway, wanted to talk to BB about the last conversation we'd had via ICQ, but since what I wanted to discuss was not too pleasant and kind of personal I didn't want to do it in front of EB.
*grr*
It's so unfair. I still feel horrible about that conversation, as though somehow it was *my* fault that he was in a foul mood over the whole weekend and took it out on me later. As though I did no work at all during this convention. Super, massively unfair. It's not like I didn't tell him two dozen times what a good job he was doing. I got as little sleep as he did, got abused by my parents the morning before Con and STILL managed to appear to be in a good -if really stressed and hyper- mood for the duration of the Con. Even when all I wanted to do was lock myself in a dark closet, curl up in a corner and just slice at my arms until there was no skin left there at all.
God, why can't people learn to suck it up and deal? Put on a goddamned happy face so the world doesn't fucking have to deal with your problems as well as their own! Hell, the least you can do is try. I'm not always sunshine and roses, but at least I *try* to mask it.
Blech.
I'm in a really bad mood. I'm still sick, so it can't have been food poisoning. Must be some icky 'flu bug, or salmonella with my luck.
On to other topics.
I had my skill assessment test today. I think it went well even if I didn't *quite* finish the math portion. I was just missing one answer and I think I did really well on the other two parts. All I have to do is wait until noon tomorrow to get my answer, and then on to the third interview. Go me! If I get it, that is.
Man, you'd think I was trying to get a job at the Pentagon or something... At least it pays reasonably well.
Of course, the job *would* be in Dorval. And I *would* get lost on my way back. I was so stressed out and wiggy that I took the bus the wrong way and got really lost and nearly freaked out completely. I didn't though, which was a good step, and I did manage to get back home. My father came to get me in the car at Lionel Groulx metro so I didn't have to go the whole way by myself.
Feeling really horrible now. I'm still upset about BB's comments, feeling stupid for getting lost and not getting that math question right, and now on top of it all my arm hurts like nobody's business.
Yeah, yeah, I might as well come out and say it: I'm a self-injurer. Big whoop. For those of you who are wondering or even care: no, it's not a botched attempt at suicide. No, it's not a cry for attention. I get more than enough attention as it is. Yes, I am getting help. No, I'm not crazy. It's just a combination of bi-polar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder from stuff which happened when I was younger, and very poor coping skills.
Actually, here's a nifty link for your edification:
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/
That ought to answer any questions you may have and spare me the embarassment of having to explain it all. The internet is one thing, face-to-face is quite another. Conflict Avoidance Girl strikes once more!
I'm in a really crappy mood. I hope I'm better by tomorrow. I hate having to fake good moods. No one ever really buys my act, and it's exhausting trying to keep up a happy face.
Funny how the only person I never have to fake anything with is ALB. I hope she doesn't mind. I'm having lunch with her on Thursday. I hope my interview, if it happens at all, won't interfere with that. I really like having lunch with her. Must take her out to see Gosford Park soon. The movie rocks, and she needs to see it.
Squeezing the sponge that sucks it up
Furthermore, Conflict Avoidance Girl, I am not a Goddess... or much less a Super Hero like you are. There is only so much I can suck up before I need to squeeze out my sponge and let some of it out. With the size of sponge I need to suck up and deal with the rest of my life, you can be thankful that you don't notice more often. You may think it sucks to be you but you are not the only one who has been dealt a crappy hand of cards from the day he was born...
Anyways, if you are looking for an apology... you will get one when we talk in person about the infamous ICQ conversation. You are not the only one who would like to speak his mind on the matter.
- BB