For my own records...

[mousme]

-5 (Delusional Psychotic Depression): Don't have the definition to hand, as I got this partially from kimberly_a. Am going on extrapolation.
-4 (Major Depression): Also lacking the definition.
-3 (Dysthymic): Mildly depressive mood; low self-confidence; low energy; loss of interest and pleasure; pessimistic
-2 (Hypothymic): Reasonably well-adjusted and functioning adequately, but low-keyed, slightly withdrawn; a follower rather than a leader; smiles infrequently; works efficiently; conscientious; often has obsessive-compulsive or perfectionist personality traits; doing okay
-1 (Bottom of normal)
0 (Normal): No symptoms of depression or manic elation. Functions well in social, professional, and interpersonal areas. Appropriate reactions to daily disappointments and successes
+1 (Top of normal)
+2 (Hyperthymic): Energetic; highly motivated; productive; successful; sociable; sometimes irritable; often a leader in all walks of life; usually well-liked; may need only five to six hours of sleep a night; does not seek therapy. Generally beneficial to the culture
+3 (Hypomanic): Predominant mood highly energetic; expansive; elevated; full of ideas and projects; can be angry when crossed and at times irritating; strong sex drive; may compulsively spend money, travel, talk; requires only three to five hours of sleep; poor judgments; risk taking; financial wheeling and dealing may lead to legal consequences. May be highly beneficial ... or detrimental
4 - Manic. Elated; overactive; can't stop talking; needs very little or no sleep; highly distractible; racing thoughts; irritable and angry; rage attacks when crossed; extremely poor judgment; depressive features may be present.
5 - Manic psychosis. Incoherent; belligerent; out of control; may be violent or paranoid; may have psychotic delusions or hallucinations; high risk taking with painful consequences; depressive features may be present; a medical emergency.


Mood Chart —June 2003





Mood Chart —June-July 2003





Mood Chart —July-August





Mood Chart —August-September 2003




So What the Hell Does It All Mean?

Fucked if I know.

No discernible pattern that I can see, except that I'm more likely to be manic when in social situations, but I don't know if that's cause or effect (does seeing people make me manic, or do I see people when I'm manic?).

Of course, Chart # 3 doesn't take into account the massive mood swings I went through during Bigfoot. I completed the chart a few days after and kind of gave an overall "grade" to each day, but it remains that I was swinging around like a crazed pendulum that weekend.

No discernible tie-in to anxiety/panic attacks, which seem to occur whether I'm manic or depressed and are usually triggered by my feeling overwhelmed by something (it's been financial and "romantic" this summer —lack of funds, Hydro Québec antics, and that unpleasant episode with Poms at the end of July and the beginning of August, mostly).

So, yeah. Am perplexed. Hey, all you other people out there with bipolar disorder: is there a recognisable pattern to your mood swings, or are they all over the place? Have you been able to identify triggers, or is it as random as it seems to be for me? Does it vary at all?

Gah.

*beats head against wall in frustration*


Oh, you may be wondering why I'm going through this in painstaking detail today. Well, other than the clear procrastinating benefits, I've actually finally got an appointment with a psychiatrist at the Montreal General Hospital on Tuesday.

See, (I don't think I wrote about it too mucn in this Journal, funnily enough) I was given the royal brush-off by the secretary of the doctor I was meant to see. That was Dr. Franck, whom I'd seen at the beginning and who was the one to diagnose me with clinical depression. However, his secretary was extremely rude with me and basically told me that I wasn't their problem because I no longer live in that area, despite the fact that I got a direct and personal referral from my GP. She referred me vaguely to a clinic at the Douglas Hospital without so much as a number I could call or a name I could use.

I was annoyed, but not surprised. Our health care system sucks, especially mental health. They've organised mental health according to district, presumably so us dirty wrong-side-of-the-tracks people from Verdun don't frighten the Westmounters. ;P

Luckily for me, my mother knows lots of important people. Or, more to the point, she knows people who know important people. So she talked to my godfather, who made one single phone call (I kid you not) and got me an appointment with Dr. Steiner, who's the head of psychiatry at the General hospital. So, yeah. It ain't what you know, it's who you know, even in healthcare.

I feel bad for all the other people who don't have a godfather who knows important people who're being given the runaround.

Seriously. If I'd been feeling really depressed when I talked to that secretary (luckily for her I was hypomanic), I would have taken it as a sign that I was right after all, that I wasn't worth anyone's time anyway and why should I get help that I didn't deserve?

*sigh*

You'd think someone in mental health would know better, but all she wanted to do was get me off the phone. It showed in her tone of voice, in the words she used: her whole attitude was one of "Look, you're wasting my time. Would you fuck off already? I have filing to do, and no way am I staying here a minute past 5pm."

*refrains from wishing something uncharitable*

Comments

[paganmommy.livejournal.com]

It isn't much better on this side of the border either hon, even with insurance. Maybe even because of the insurance because the rates are far different for insurance companies, and the type of insurance you have indicates the kind of care you get. Sad state of affairs, isn't it?
*hugs*
Oh, and yes, I notice that some things trigger manic/depressive episodes, sometimes a thought will trigger it, other times a point in my cycle (my hospital visit was triggered by PMS of all things), a very manic time will usually be followed by a deep depression.. there are many many different things that can happen. You may want to note when you are charting your moods (the times) and compare that against your journalling too. It can be very complicated, but you have already accomplished more than I have, so kudos! :)

[briarwolf.livejournal.com]

I've.. never been diagnosed as anything, since I've never been to a doctor for that sort of thing. I'm with you on the down-times, feeling as if I'm not worth any treatment anyway. And, when things are good, I tend to look at it as though I've exaggerated the mood swings to begin with. I start to wonder to myself if I'm only seeking attention... Though I've never had official diagnosis several people I know (friends and family) have said they think I'm bipolar. Some after only knowing me for a week or two.

Uh, so anyway, I have a point to this comment, honest. I was wondering if you'd mind if I "borrowed" your system here to keep track of things for my own curiousity.

Bipolar or not, I'd say that when I have mood swings they're pretty random. While I may be able to pinpoint something that triggers it, it's generally something really trivial that sends me spiralling out of control in one direction or the other.

Sorry I can't be anymore help than that.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Oh, hey, by all means take it. I gacked it from kimberly_a, who graciously allowed me to use it. :)

She in turn took it from this book, Moodswing, by Ronald Fieve.

In fact, given that it seems reasonably cheap I'm probably going to acquire it if I can.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Compared to the U.S., Canada's health care system rocks. :)

It's only in my province that we have this stupid dvision-by-district of mental health care. Quebec sucks. ;)

Thanks for the input.

I'm trying to put together a relatively coherent dossier for this new doc so he doesn't dismiss me out of hand. *sigh*

[chasingthenuns.livejournal.com]

i have been diagnosed as having bipolar 2, and i see no pattern in my mood swings. it really sucks as i never know what's coming. is it going to be a good day or a bad day? i sometimes wonder if there were triggers (which there aren't) if it would be easier to handle. anyway, to answer your question, it is totally random for me and it blows chunks.

[angelovernh.livejournal.com]

how did you make the charts???

[mousme.livejournal.com]

I went to my local stationary/school supply store and bought myself some green scientific graph paper.

Here in Canada we use the metric system, so each square is 1 cm x 1 cm.

I then made the graph manually with a ruler and a red pen and a black pen. :)

Then I scanned them on my computer, which made the green graph paper look way cooler than it looks in real life. ;)

So no big secret there. I am technologically challenged, after all. ;)

[kimberly-a.livejournal.com]

I actually don't recommend the book. The only useful thing I got out of it is this mood charting system. A book I did find surprisingly useful, however, is The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide by David J. Miklowitz. Very up-to-date information, including lots of different medications, as well as concrete useful advice and info. Just my two cents' worth. :)

[kimberly-a.livejournal.com]

I began finding this mood charting system increasingly useful as time went on. (I've now been charting my moods for 7 months.) I try to make little notes in the margins, indicating when I began or stopped certain medications, for example, and very recently I sat down and looked back over the entire course of using one of my medications, and according to the chart it looks like that medication might not be doing anything for me. But it took me months of charting to figure that out.

Otherwise, like you, I haven't yet figured anything much out by charting my moods. But it does make me think about it each day, so it makes me more aware of what's going on with me. If I sit down to chart my mood, and I decide that I'm hypomanic, it makes me more careful about spending money or making decisions. That sort of thing. I don't know if you've experienced that, but it has made a difference for me.

And I do still have hope that the charts will continue to yield information in unexpected ways.

Oh, and I've looked around for the book, so that I can give you the definitions of -4 and -5, but I can't seem to locate it thus far. I'll let you know if I find it.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

I appreciate it.

I'll be investing in the book once I figure out my finances, I think.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Oh, thanks for the warning, then. :)

I'll check out that other book instead, maybe.

What didn't you like about Moodswing?

[kimberly-a.livejournal.com]

Moodswing was very very badly written, such that Shannon and I both found it barely usable. Shannon eventually just put it down and decided to go shopping for a different book.

It is also written by the guy who pioneered using lithium to treat bipolar disorder, and so it's chock full o' cheerleading for lithium, which got boring. I prefer a book that takes a more objective standpoint.

My meds doc, on the other hand, highly recommends Fieve's book. So there you go. *shrug*

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I looked it up on the 'net, and he does seem to do a lot of cheerleading for lithium.

I'll probably see if I can find it to flip through it and see if I can make anything out of it before buying it.

Thanks for the tip. :)

[kimberly-a.livejournal.com]

I still haven't found the book, but I did find the definition of -4 (in a journal entry of my own):

Major Depression: Depressed mood; loss of interest or pleasure in ordinary activities; loss of energy; disturbed patterns of eating and sleeping; hopelessness; difficulty concentrating or making decisions; suicidal feelings m[a]y be present. No interest in sex.

Hope that helps. :)