mousme | Dialogue de sourds (Reply)

My post from Friday just showed up in my inbox, so here you go:

"Dialogue de sourds"

Today was riddled with conversations that bordered on the absurd. Most but not all involved the CAM and two transaction outlines on which she wanted L and I to work for her (never mind the fact that she is supposed to do that sort of work, because they're legal documents).

So both L and I each typed one out and gave it back to her. I put my work in the CAM's mailbox. Ten minutes later, this transpired:

CAM: "Where's that transaction outline I asked you to type out?"

Me: "In your box."

CAM: "What do you mean, in my box?"

Me: "Just that. It's in your mailbox in the mailroom."

CAM: "No it's not."

Me: "Yes, it is. I put it there ten minutes ago."

CAM: "Why didn't you give it to me?"

Me: "You were in a meeting, so I put it in your box."

CAM: "So where did you put it?"

Me: "In your box."

This continued for about five more minutes, until the message sank in. Then she wandered off to do something else and I didn't hear from her for about an hour. Then:

CAM: "Where's that transaction outline I asked you to type out?"

Me: *sigh* "In your box."

CAM: "No, it's not there, I just checked."

Me: "[CAM], I put it in your box over an hour ago."

CAM: "It's not there. Are you sure it's not on your desk? Did you print it out?"

Me: *gestures to empty desk* "Yes, I'm sure it's not on my desk, and yes I'm sure I printed it out. I put it in your box."

CAM: "But my box is empty. Someone must have taken it!"

Me: "I'm sure no one's taken your transaction outline out of your box. Did you empty your box earlier? It might be among your papers."

CAM: "No, I'm sure it wasn't there."

Me: *gets up and goes to check the CAM's office* "[CAM], it's right here on your desk with all the other papers that were in your box earlier."

CAM: "What?"

Me: *points to paper* "It's right here, on the top of this pile."

CAM: "You just put that there now to make me look stupid."

Me: *rolls eyes* "Yes, that's exactly right."

She had the same exchange with L at different intervals about her other transaction outline. I felt a little bit like I was trapped in a scene in a play by Ionesco.

Then a client came for a meeting. Mrs. Wing is, well, a very special lady. For one thing, she never speaks below a very shrill yell. This makes it very painful to speak to her. She also speaks no French whatsoever, and her English is limited (to put it politely). She and I routinely have conversations on the phone which make little sense to me and even less to her. To wit:

Me: *answering phone* "Real Estate Financing, how may I help you?" (Well, in French)

Mrs. Wing: "[Boss!Lady] THERE?"

Me: *holding receiver at a distance from ear* "I beg your pardon?"

Mrs. Wing: "I SPEAK TO [Boss!Lady]!"

Me: "I'm sorry, [Boss!Lady] isn't at the office for the moment. Would you like her voicemail?"

Mrs. Wing: "I SPEAK TO [Boss!Lady] NOW!"

Me: "I'm sorry, she's not in right now. Would you like me to take a message?"

Mrs. Wing: "[Boss!Lady] NO THERE?"

Me: "That's right, she's not here. Would you like to leave a message?"

Mrs. Wing: "I SPEAK TO HER NOW!"

Me: "That's not possible, she's not here. Shall I tell her you called?"

Mrs. Wing: "WHERE SHE IS?"

Me: "I believe she's meeting with clients at present. Would you like me to tell her to call you?"

Mrs. Wing: "I HOLD!"

Me: "But she's not here."

Mrs. Wing: "I HOLD! YOU TELL HER I HERE!"

Me: "She isn't in the office. She can't take your call."

Mrs. Wing: "I HOLD!"

Me: "Why don't I leave her a message instead?"

Mrs. Wing: "WHY SHE NO CALL?"

Me: "She will call you as soon as she's back."

Mrs. Wing: "YOU NO GIVE HER MESSAGE?"

Me: *piqued by this slanderous accusation* "Of course I gave her your message! She'll call you back when she's in the office."

Mrs. Wing: "I HOLD!"

Etc.

So today, after yet another unfruitful conversation over the phone, she turned up at the office for a meeting with Boss!Lady (who incidentally has just as much trouble making herself understood as I do). I had never met Mrs. Wing until today, but when I saw a tiny little rotund Chinese woman come in through the door, I guessed it was her (especially since I knew that she had a meeting with Boss!Lady scheduled.

Me: "Hi, are you here to see [Boss!Lady]?"

Mrs. Wing: "NO!"

Me: *taken aback* "I'm sorry, I thought you were Mrs. Wing."

Mrs. Wing: "YES! I MRS. WING!"

Me: "So you have an appointment with [Boss!Lady]."

Mrs. Wing: "NO! I HERE TO SEE [Boss!Lady]! YOU TELL HER I HERE!"

Me: *imperceptible sigh* "Of course. Please wait here and I'll tell her you're waiting."

So, yeah. This is how my day has been going.