So much for sanity
Dec. 19th, 2005 12:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeL isn't here for the morning. She should be back soon, but things have been sort of crazy since she hasn't been around.
Obviously things have been kind of roller-coaster-y for me since November, for those of you who haven't noticed. :P November will do that to me. So, when the metro tracks start to look tempting, it's time to do something about it. (Yes, I'm being flippant. Deal.) So my meds doc and I decided that maybe we should experiment a little with an SSRI at a low dose and see if we can't trick my brain into not trying to off me during the holidays. Also, fiddling with the dosage of the anticonvulsants, to see if that helps. Whee.
You know, it would be nice to have a birthday go by when I'm not actually feeling suicidal. I don't think I've had one of those in a while, not that you can tell by reading my LJ (I think that might be a good thing, actually).
So, anyway, the point is: meds change. Meds fiddling. Already feeling a bit loopy, and I've had to correct bazillions of typos in this post already.
I figured this post ought to serve as a warning, in case the meds change doesn't work and I end up going completely crazy. It has happened in the past. So, consider yourselves warned.
Then again, I don't think I've been exactly pleasant to be around in the past few months. So, you have my apologies for that as well.
Happy trails, folks!
Obviously things have been kind of roller-coaster-y for me since November, for those of you who haven't noticed. :P November will do that to me. So, when the metro tracks start to look tempting, it's time to do something about it. (Yes, I'm being flippant. Deal.) So my meds doc and I decided that maybe we should experiment a little with an SSRI at a low dose and see if we can't trick my brain into not trying to off me during the holidays. Also, fiddling with the dosage of the anticonvulsants, to see if that helps. Whee.
You know, it would be nice to have a birthday go by when I'm not actually feeling suicidal. I don't think I've had one of those in a while, not that you can tell by reading my LJ (I think that might be a good thing, actually).
So, anyway, the point is: meds change. Meds fiddling. Already feeling a bit loopy, and I've had to correct bazillions of typos in this post already.
I figured this post ought to serve as a warning, in case the meds change doesn't work and I end up going completely crazy. It has happened in the past. So, consider yourselves warned.
Then again, I don't think I've been exactly pleasant to be around in the past few months. So, you have my apologies for that as well.
Happy trails, folks!
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Re: Medical interventions
Date: 2005-12-19 10:11 pm (UTC)It's not Birthdays and Holidays in general. It's only the ones than fall between November and February. I.e. Christmas and her birthday. This is because her bipolar disorder has a seasonal aspect, and so she suffers lower lows in winter. So, yes, there is a physiological aspect: the number of hours of daylight, which affects brain chemistry. And so tweaking the meds is an attempt to redress this imbalance.
"Bending the stressors" is a nice idea, but it's not really very realistic. When you're is doing such a delicate mental balancing act to begin with *anything* (from having to shovel the front walk to breaking a coffee cup) can set you off. And yes, I'm speaking from experience.
If money was no object, then, yeah, I could probably arrange my life so that I spent November-March doing only fun things that made me happy and getting exactly the right amounts of sleep, exercise, and sunlight, and then I wouldn't need to take my meds, either. Life, unfortunately, tends not to work out that way.
Re: Medical interventions
Date: 2005-12-19 11:46 pm (UTC)The problem with chemically tweaking yourself is it reaches a point where it seems to me it would be difficult to decide which was the proper course of action: is it a "natural" negative emotion, which should be dealt with by a change in behavior, or is it a "pathological" negative emotion which can be dealt with by breaking it with a pharmecological mallet?