The polls show alarming results... or not

[mousme]

I have made another poll, just because I could, and because the topic actually interests me a good deal. Especially since for some reason of late I've made a lot of friends who have very different ideas about sexuality than the ones I grew up with, and because this has opened all sorts of doors for me to start learning more about all this.

Yes, yes. Get all your "shy, retiring virgin" jokes out of the way, then answer the poll. Only I can see the results if'n you're shy about this kind of stuff. Lord knows I don't do well talking about it face to face. ;)

Then, once you've answered the poll, I'd be much obliged if you could answer the non-poll question, either in comments or by email if you don't want to post it publicly but feel like answering anyway. :)

[Poll #106330]

Non-poll question for those who answered one of the variations on "yes" to the last poll question:If you came out, what was your experience like? Who did you choose to tell, in what order, and why? What were their reactions? What are your thoughts on it now?

Comments

Re: The polls show alarming results... or not

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

I am of course, sapiosexual (http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=wolfieboy&itemid=2262).

Too much info, but thats what ya get

[ingenuemuse.livejournal.com]

I am one of those rare people who is not ashamed of her "experimenting phase" as a teen. I did, in fact, have a girlfriend off and on for awhile (same woman, not several "off and on") I can say that my experimenting was what actually helped me come to terms with my heterosexuality.

It became clear that thats all I was, no matter how artsy it would have been to be bi, alas.

Aw crap

[forthright.livejournal.com]

Stupid me! Answered for myself but was signed in as Julia, I think.

[longpig.livejournal.com]

I chose option 2... Although I don't think I'll ever have a sexual relationship with a girl (then again, never know), I can definitely appreciate them and get all Rrrowr! over some of them. Especially Shakira. :o

[mhw.livejournal.com]

I really am going to try to answer your last question, but... goodness, it's all so complicated. For a start, I had to do the process twice; once coming out as gay, then again coming out as bi. The only people I'd have had any difficulty in telling would have been my parents, but unfortunately I got preempted there, and more than anything the difficulty wasn't about sexuality (at least not from my POV) but that we were all getting along VERY BADLY at the time. Having someone who, even if they weren't personally clued enough to realise that outing me to my family was a bad idea, should at least have been bound by the rules of professional conduct... *sigh* and the worst thing is that they did it thinking that it was the best course of action. If they'd discussed it with me first, I think I could have disabused them of that idea. Or at lest started running before the shit hit the fan :(

I think being kicked out at 16 by my family was about the only bad reaction I've had, though.

[paganmommy.livejournal.com]

::waving:: Heylow!! I am one of the wierd, new kinky people you just added *grin*. :)

I am completely bisexual. Totally half and half, with and equal attraction to both sexes. I have tried to label myself one or the other, because when I realized my sexuality, neither *side* was willing to accept "bi" as an answer to sexuality. There is a bit more acceptance in the community, and less of a push to be one or the other, thank goodness. The only people I am not completely "out" with are my children, as they are very young and it is difficult to know the line between "none of your business" and being open with them. If I were to have a serious girlfriend in my life, or feel that were to be something that was going to happen in the near future, they would have to know, and I am more than willing to let them know. It hasn't become an issue yet, so they don't know yet, since I am also still married to their father. The oldest does know that we are polyamorous though. That is a 'nother ball o'wax. :)

[paganmommy.livejournal.com]

Oh durned, forgot to answer the "non-poll question"

I first "came out" to my husband. Where I did the sexuality portion of my growing up, being non-hetero wasn't much of an option. Sure, there were a few here and there, but until I got older I never even realized it other than a couple of Lesbians, and they were talked about in hushed tones. One couple had a child my age, and it was very difficult for her, she endured a lot of teasing and such. It simply wasn't something that was an option, and honestly? I think my sub-conscious felt I had enough strife.
When I was about 21 or so, I fell in love with a woman. I noticed some strong sexual feelings toward women in general before that, but I figured it was a normal growth thing, and didn't consider it "bi-sexual" until I truly fell in love. Whether that is accurate or not, who knows?
So, I came out to husband, who was thrilled. *sigh*. Not really the support I needed at the time to be honest. I was terrified. What did that mean for me? What did it mean for my marriage? I had a child! I could remember my friend and all that she went through, I was in utter turmoil for a while. It did sort itself out though. :) Fortunately for me, it happened during a time where bi-sexuality for women was becoming "trendy", so I had a bit of breathing room, and time to seek out a little support. I wasn't all "healthy" support, but it was a start.
When I came out to my mother, I was a bit older. Quite honestly, it wasn't much of her business, but I was trashed, so I told her. She has a best friend who is a lesbian, so I presumed she would be cool with it. Her FIRST reaction was to take a full step back from me. I don't think I will EVER forget that. She is better now, and even is more understanding about my polyamory, though she doesnt' claim to understand how I can "do it" LOL. She also says she always thought I was a lesbian, so the step back wasn't about surprise, just that ingrained belief that it was somehow "catchy". *shrug*
I don't shout it from the roof tops, though at first I wanted to. Now, I am more the type of person who is not ashamed, not apologetic, but honestly? NOYB for the most part, unless I like you and you ask nicely. ;-)

Turn-around

[curtana.livejournal.com]

Since Steve answered for me, I answered logged in as him :) Just switch our answers and you'll be right on track :)

Anyway. I've known I liked girls since I was in high school, if not before. I had a very good friendship from the ages of about 15-17 that wound up developing into something both more intimate and more complicated. Of course, periodically throughout that time I was also sleeping with boys. It was never a matter of formally "coming out", I don't think. There were probably some friends of ours in high school who knew the situation. When I got to university I made no secret of my orientation - I think the first time I ever said "I'm bi" out loud was in a conversation during my first year at the Guild, funnily enough :)

These days, I just assume that my friends know ;) It's not something I feel the need to explain to every person I meet, nor to defend to people who don't appreciate it. Anyway, these days it's all looking and no touching for me - but then, it's the same for most monogamously-married folk, so no biggie :)

Closet?

[king-duncan.livejournal.com]

I'm the only total 'mo, so far? Interesting.

I came out Senior year of high school because I fell in love with a guy I was doing a show with.
I first came out to my mom; she's a Lesbian, so that was pretty cool.
My brother was next. Once we established I wasn't joking, he took it fine.
I forget the order after that- I came out to my Dad and his then-wife together. My dad asked if I was sure, then was okay with it. His wife Marija was a nurse, so she'd seen and tended lots of Queers, so that was groovy.
Came out in my forced-writing journal in English Class. Later that year, my English Teacher outed me to another teacher whose daughter had a crush on me (we ended up dating, but her parents put a stop to that- we still "hung out", but weren't "dating"). The daughter's a bisexual stripper now.
Eventually came out to the guy I was in love with- he was straight, but we ended up being even better friends.

When I got to college, I waited a half-semester before officially coming out to everyone. I came out to a few select people first, so I'd have a support system.

Now I come out as often as I get the opportunity.

[striped.livejournal.com]

Ok, I chose that I'm out "To most people with a few notable exceptions", because that seemed like the closest option. To put it more accurately, I'm out (as a bisexual) to my family and about everyone I know so well that I'll just not say hello when I meet them, but also chat a little. But I'm not out to most of my relatives or most of the people I study with, just because I don't know them and don't discuss my personal life with them.

I've only ever really came out once. It was quite strange and a bit scary just seconds before I said it (you know the feeling when your heart beats so loud you can hear it, and the only thing you can think about is "soon I'm gonna say it"), and it only happened a while ago. In fact, I wrote about it here, if you're interested. But most of the people just know it. I've been out for so long and I've never really tried to hide my bisexuality as long as I've known about it myself (which is to say since I was sixteen), so that I honestly can't remember when was the first time that I told it to someone. I never thought it was really a big deal, and I guess that also makes the other people feel like it's a minor detail. The fact that bisexuality isn't probably as much scorned upon in society as homosexuality unfortunately is did probably help me feel like this is the most natural and meaningless thing in the world.

[abiku.livejournal.com]

My coming out was a lot like you see in the movies. My mother started crying and asking if she did something wrong, told me it was a hard life I was choosing, and asked, "Are you sure you're not even bisexual?" to which I responded, "This isn't a game of Let's Make A Deal."

I wasn't very fair to my parents, though. I came out after I was 18 and had failed out of my first year of college. I'd been so depressed and was going through so much emotionally, I stopped going to classes for the last two months I was at school. I was asked to take a semester off and come back when I had my head straightened out. (I never did.) I was spending a lot of time online and had made some good friends from out of state whom I'd visited a few times. I'd known them for almost 4 years at that point, which seemed like a long time to me. We all decided to move in together in a friend's large farm house in Indiana, since she had the room and there were no expenses to be paid except electricity and gas for heat.

I sat my parents down and told them I had three things to tell them. 1.) I'm gay, 2.) I'm pagan, and 3.) I'm moving to Indiana next month.

The rest is a whirlwind that ended with my mom crying a lot and going to talk our dog for a walk with my father. I decided to leave the house. I drove past her sitting on the curb and crying.

I spent two years in Indiana and the distance and time apart (with only occasional letters written and visits on Christmas) helped to heal everything. We're as close now as we were before I came out and, for that, I'm thankful.