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mousmeHave been feeling "off" for a while now.
Not in the same way as when I'm depressed and off my meds, or on my meds and manic, or off my meds and manic, or depressed and on my meds, or... well, you get the picture.
There's balance missing in my life right now, and I can't put my finger on what it is. I keep feeling that something crucial is going on, and that I'm missing it. As though I'm completely in denial about something happening in my own body.
I'm just not sure how to "tune in" to myself anymore. I'm so used now to analysing all my thoughts thanks to the CBT that I'm finding it hard to let go and not think, or think as little as possible. The CBT was great for making me less depressed and not suicidal, and even helped me a lot in controlling my manic cycles (well, hypo-manic). On the other hand, it's done a pretty good number on my ability to connect with the more spiritual aspect of my life.
I don't think that would happen with everyone, but especially in my case I've never been very rational when it comes to my beliefs. I believe with my body and my soul but very rarely with my mind, if that makes any sense. For instance, I've always felt closest to the Creator when singing or playing music. Especially singing, which is why Christmas for me has always been one of the most special times of the year.
I think I need to sing some Christmas carols now... I'll continue noodling about this at a later date. Theories would be appreciated, though. ;)
Not in the same way as when I'm depressed and off my meds, or on my meds and manic, or off my meds and manic, or depressed and on my meds, or... well, you get the picture.
There's balance missing in my life right now, and I can't put my finger on what it is. I keep feeling that something crucial is going on, and that I'm missing it. As though I'm completely in denial about something happening in my own body.
I'm just not sure how to "tune in" to myself anymore. I'm so used now to analysing all my thoughts thanks to the CBT that I'm finding it hard to let go and not think, or think as little as possible. The CBT was great for making me less depressed and not suicidal, and even helped me a lot in controlling my manic cycles (well, hypo-manic). On the other hand, it's done a pretty good number on my ability to connect with the more spiritual aspect of my life.
I don't think that would happen with everyone, but especially in my case I've never been very rational when it comes to my beliefs. I believe with my body and my soul but very rarely with my mind, if that makes any sense. For instance, I've always felt closest to the Creator when singing or playing music. Especially singing, which is why Christmas for me has always been one of the most special times of the year.
I think I need to sing some Christmas carols now... I'll continue noodling about this at a later date. Theories would be appreciated, though. ;)
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no subject
Date: 2002-12-21 01:42 am (UTC)You have to wait for the blurp, even though you know something's happening in the jar. That's processing for you.
Remember, the rational mind isn't the only one you can use. *puts on Enya's How can I keep from singing?. There.
no subject
Date: 2002-12-21 08:29 pm (UTC)Now, forgive my ignorance, but the term "Winchester jar" is new to me, so the metaphor was kinda lost on me there. I think I know what you meant, but could you maybe elaborate?
Thanks again. :)