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Waiting for the panic to set in
May. 15th, 2025 05:22 amThe panic hasn't set in yet. I'm moving in two weeks, have got absolutely nothing done, and am fighting against a rising tide of mystery tired. The panic is supposed to trigger adrenaline which in turn will lead to packing, but right now all I've managed to do is go to work, sleep, and put food in my body. I haven't even been eating particularly healthy lately, because I haven't had the wherewithal to cook. I'm not eating absolute junk, but there's been a lot of frozen meals and snack foods.
I don't know if the current amount of tired I'm feeling is the remnants of Covid, or the result of working a fuckton of shifts in a row including evenings, weekends, and now nights, or the result of being stressed and out of shape, or if I'm just one of the unlucky people who don't ever get to feel better when using a CPAP. Or an unholy combination of any or all of it.
*screams into the void*
Yes, I am being melodramatic. It will pass, I promise. ;) Right now, though, all of my feelings are "Woe, and darkness, and teh sad." I really, really wish that my brain's reaction to stress wasn't to go directly into overwhelm and shutdown. It would be so nice if I had socially acceptable dysfunctional coping mechanisms, you know? I could be a compulsive cleaner, or a compulsive exerciser, but noooooo. I stress eat and procrastinate and doomscroll or play video games. The closest I've come to a "productive" coping mechanism is occasionally baking cookies or making soup.
*lies on the floor*
*screams into the void some more*
I had my meeting with the two M&C folks today, and they were so nice and so sweet to me, and even suggested that I have a "packing party" to get the house packed up. I will see how I get on with packing until the end of next week, and if I'm still in as much trouble as I think I'm in now, I will put up a plea for help on Facebook.
I think part of it is that I haven't had enough sleep this week. I got no sleep on Monday, then only six hours of sleep on Tuesday, and barely scraped together five non-consecutive hours yesterday (because of the aforementioned meeting). I am going to sleep as much as I can today because I have to get up early again tomorrow to go to the credit union. It has also been ungodly hot the past few days, thank you climate change.
I don't know if the current amount of tired I'm feeling is the remnants of Covid, or the result of working a fuckton of shifts in a row including evenings, weekends, and now nights, or the result of being stressed and out of shape, or if I'm just one of the unlucky people who don't ever get to feel better when using a CPAP. Or an unholy combination of any or all of it.
*screams into the void*
Yes, I am being melodramatic. It will pass, I promise. ;) Right now, though, all of my feelings are "Woe, and darkness, and teh sad." I really, really wish that my brain's reaction to stress wasn't to go directly into overwhelm and shutdown. It would be so nice if I had socially acceptable dysfunctional coping mechanisms, you know? I could be a compulsive cleaner, or a compulsive exerciser, but noooooo. I stress eat and procrastinate and doomscroll or play video games. The closest I've come to a "productive" coping mechanism is occasionally baking cookies or making soup.
*lies on the floor*
*screams into the void some more*
I had my meeting with the two M&C folks today, and they were so nice and so sweet to me, and even suggested that I have a "packing party" to get the house packed up. I will see how I get on with packing until the end of next week, and if I'm still in as much trouble as I think I'm in now, I will put up a plea for help on Facebook.
I think part of it is that I haven't had enough sleep this week. I got no sleep on Monday, then only six hours of sleep on Tuesday, and barely scraped together five non-consecutive hours yesterday (because of the aforementioned meeting). I am going to sleep as much as I can today because I have to get up early again tomorrow to go to the credit union. It has also been ungodly hot the past few days, thank you climate change.
