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Killed by orcs. Stupid orcs.
Jan. 13th, 2021 06:55 pmMy character didn't perma-die last night, I am pleased to report. We are a party with no healer, and honestly we have survived by the skin of our teeth so far thanks to a few very lucky rolls. We're having a blast playing "vanilla" D&D, that is playing through an official module with no homebrewing whatsoever. It's forcing us to think both outside the box and also very, very inside the box, which we're not used to doing. Having no cleric or druid or even a bard with healing spells means we have to think about combat tactics and pay close attention to things like rules about 1/2 cover or 3/4 cover, action economy, how to use offensive spells vs using melee fighters and a rogue to tag-team the enemy, etc. I've enjoyed the challenge, for sure.
We also accidentally100% derailed the plot by making a choice the module didn't account for. The module wanted us to report back to an NPC, but our enemies were fleeing in the opposite direction. We opted to follow them to gather more intel, and that took us entirely off-course. Then we sort of snuck into the enemies' camp and stole a major, end-game sort of artifact from the BBEG and ran away with it and managed to not die! So our wizard now has an incredibly powerful artifact and our enemies are *pissed*. It was even more hilarious because the rogue, who stole the bag the artifact was in, had no idea what was in it. She just thought she was doing a panty raid for the lulz. The DM was delighted and so are we.
We ended on (another) cliffhanger. We're probably going to be fighting werewolves in the Forest of Sharp Teeth. We may TPK, but every time we've thought that so far we've pulled a miracle out of our butts and survived, so who knows?
*
I started listening to a podcast a few days ago... last week, maybe? Or wait, no, it was right after New Year. Anyway, it's called Unf*ck Your Brain, and it's been pretty decent listening so far. I was looking for self-improvement/self-help podcasts, and it was pretty high up on the list of recommendations. There is nothing earth-shattering so far, but the speaker is engaging and articulate, and the overall tone and content jive with the kind of thing I enjoy listening to.
I've only listened to a handful of episodes so far, and it seems pretty cognitive behavioural therapy-based (your thoughts create your feelings, you can't change the world or other people you can only change your thoughts about them, etc.), and even though I don't think CBT is the One True Answer to everything, but the episode I listened to today on perfectionism has given me some food for thought. Mostly it's challenging the prevalent belief that we should always all be striving to improve ourselves, that we are never good enough, that we could always be "better." Self-improvement is important and necessary! This is one of my deeply held beliefs, I won't lie. I am always checking myself and trying to work out what I need to improve about myself in a constant quest for a perfection that I will never attain.
I'm not going to suddenly abandon all my plans to improve, but this is a good reminder to myself that I need to not believe the lie that one day I will attain some sort of mystical perfection that will convince my brain not to be mean to me because I will finally be good enough and worthy of love. I am very, very bad at self-acceptance and self-compassion, but that doesn't mean I have to go out of my way to engage in self-flagellation, either.
Anyway, something to keep in mind.
*
Tomorrow I am going to have what might be a difficult conversation with my Director. It's the "I am not going to work for [my manager] when she comes back from leave" conversation. Whether that means they find me something else within our unit that would entail me not reporting to her, or I outright leave the unit and/or the organization remains to be seen.
My Director is a sweet cinnamon roll of a man, at least, so the conversation won't be *too* difficult, but I am not going to hold my breath for any concrete action to be taken before July. My organization is a huge, ungainly beast, and any kind of change comes at the speed of molasses uphill in January. Fingers crossed that he will see things my way and that we can come to an arrangement.
We also accidentally100% derailed the plot by making a choice the module didn't account for. The module wanted us to report back to an NPC, but our enemies were fleeing in the opposite direction. We opted to follow them to gather more intel, and that took us entirely off-course. Then we sort of snuck into the enemies' camp and stole a major, end-game sort of artifact from the BBEG and ran away with it and managed to not die! So our wizard now has an incredibly powerful artifact and our enemies are *pissed*. It was even more hilarious because the rogue, who stole the bag the artifact was in, had no idea what was in it. She just thought she was doing a panty raid for the lulz. The DM was delighted and so are we.
We ended on (another) cliffhanger. We're probably going to be fighting werewolves in the Forest of Sharp Teeth. We may TPK, but every time we've thought that so far we've pulled a miracle out of our butts and survived, so who knows?
*
I started listening to a podcast a few days ago... last week, maybe? Or wait, no, it was right after New Year. Anyway, it's called Unf*ck Your Brain, and it's been pretty decent listening so far. I was looking for self-improvement/self-help podcasts, and it was pretty high up on the list of recommendations. There is nothing earth-shattering so far, but the speaker is engaging and articulate, and the overall tone and content jive with the kind of thing I enjoy listening to.
I've only listened to a handful of episodes so far, and it seems pretty cognitive behavioural therapy-based (your thoughts create your feelings, you can't change the world or other people you can only change your thoughts about them, etc.), and even though I don't think CBT is the One True Answer to everything, but the episode I listened to today on perfectionism has given me some food for thought. Mostly it's challenging the prevalent belief that we should always all be striving to improve ourselves, that we are never good enough, that we could always be "better." Self-improvement is important and necessary! This is one of my deeply held beliefs, I won't lie. I am always checking myself and trying to work out what I need to improve about myself in a constant quest for a perfection that I will never attain.
I'm not going to suddenly abandon all my plans to improve, but this is a good reminder to myself that I need to not believe the lie that one day I will attain some sort of mystical perfection that will convince my brain not to be mean to me because I will finally be good enough and worthy of love. I am very, very bad at self-acceptance and self-compassion, but that doesn't mean I have to go out of my way to engage in self-flagellation, either.
Anyway, something to keep in mind.
*
Tomorrow I am going to have what might be a difficult conversation with my Director. It's the "I am not going to work for [my manager] when she comes back from leave" conversation. Whether that means they find me something else within our unit that would entail me not reporting to her, or I outright leave the unit and/or the organization remains to be seen.
My Director is a sweet cinnamon roll of a man, at least, so the conversation won't be *too* difficult, but I am not going to hold my breath for any concrete action to be taken before July. My organization is a huge, ungainly beast, and any kind of change comes at the speed of molasses uphill in January. Fingers crossed that he will see things my way and that we can come to an arrangement.
