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Well, I never did get my act together to write a coherent post about New Year's Resolutions, so you'll have to put up with yet another rather disjointed post from me. Long-time readers should be used to that by now, anyway.
The thing is, I rarely do New Year's Resolutions in the accepted sense, but around this time of year I do try to take stock of what I'm doing with my life, and make changes accordingly if I find I'm not living in accordance with my values. These values have changed somewhat over the years, or rather, they've become more refined as I learn to know myself better. There's something to be said for self-awareness, even if I still have a lot of work to do in that department as well. I picked this time of year not because it's a new calendar year, but because my birthday falls on the 5th. So it's mostly (but not entirely) coincidence.
I'm 37 years old, and still not living as authentically to myself as I would like. Some of it is out of necessity (short-term, at least), and a lot of it is out of inertia. There's a lot about my life that is easy, if unsatisfying, and there's a lot to be said for easy. I have a finite amount of mental energy, and as a result I tend to gravitate towards easy, even on good days.
I made a lot of changes last year that were meant to be long-lasting, and allow me to realign the way I was living. I started volunteering (something I'd been meaning to do for well over a decade but somehow never got around to doing), started attending Quaker Meeting again after many years away, and started the adoption process with the Children's Aid Society. So far, I'm doing well on all those fronts. Two of the things I value most in life are family and service. In a way, I would have made a good Tully, if you're a George R. R. Martin fan: Family, duty, honour. So I'm keeping on with the volunteering, the adoption process will take the time it takes (if I'm approved, which is still pending), and I've continued attending Meeting every Sunday that I can.
This year, I'm taking things a step further with my local Quaker Meeting, and will be making a formal request for Membership. That's Resolution #1, I suppose. I have to write a letter of intent to the Clerks, which will be read aloud at a Meeting for Worship With Attention to Business (I know, it's a mouthful!), so naturally I'm freaking out about it more than a little. What do I say? How long do I make it? Ack! Etc.
So that leaves me to turn my attention to the areas of my life that still need a lot of work, and where I start resisting psychologically a lot more. The fact that it's going to be hard work tells me that it's all the more important for me to do it, in this case.
I haven't been living as simply as I want. I've allowed myself to slip into some bad habits, spending-wise and living-wise. I have way too much stuff, and I've been hanging on to a lot of said stuff "just in case" I ever need it. Having too many possessions is not a good thing for me: I'm not a very good housekeeper at the best of times, and having more space and more stuff to fill it just seems to create more disorder that I don't bother to tidy up regularly enough. I also have far more clothes than I need, much of which no longer fits due to some (no longer all that) recent weight gain. So the plan this year is to do a cull of all my possessions, starting with my clothes and moving on to the rest. The clothing will be easier to get rid of than the rest. Somehow the idea of getting rid of possessions makes me anxious that I might "need" them the minute they're gone.
Ideally, I'd like to downsize to a smaller place than the one I have now, so as to save money on rent. The financial hole I dug for myself during 2013-2014 is not going to fill itself, after all. I have a draft of a plan to keep paying down my debt (I've already gotten rid of 25% of the debt in the last five months, but I'd like to accelerate the process so as to be debt-free as soon as possible), and having less to pay on rent would go a long way to helping me with that. Mostly my reticence with regards to moving is about the adoption process. The CAS doesn't like it when you move, because they want proof that your life is stable, and moving is the opposite of stability. So it feels like I'm going to have to make a choice I don't like either way. I have to be in financially better shape (according to me, not to CAS) if I want to have children, and while it's not strictly necessary for me to downsize so I'll pay less rent, it makes a lot of sense to do so.
If the adoption plans don't work out, then I will definitely be looking not only at downsizing, but at permanently living in a much smaller space. I'd like to reduce my carbon footprint overall, and part of that process will be finding a way to reduce not only my living space, but the amount of energy I consume, and the amount of household waste I produce. I consume way too much as it is. (Part of me is tempted by the tiny house movement, but unfortunately it doesn't yet exist in Ontario, where I believe it's actually illegal to have a living space that small. I still need some room for the pets, of course, so I don't know if I could manage an actual tiny house.)
I haven't been cooking from scratch much, if at all, either, spending money on processed junk which I can't really afford (neither my wallet, nor my health). I haven't been gardening, either, because the place I moved into doesn't really have the space for it, ironically enough. There's a lot of space, but half the garden is covered with a huge patio, and the other half is paved. There's only a small patch of grass where I let the dog out when I have to go to work at crazy o'clock in the morning. I put my name down for a waiting list for a plot in the local community garden, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to grow some veggies in there this summer. If not, the plan is to do some container gardening on my patio.
This year I want to put more emphasis on taking care of my body as well as my spiritual and psychological needs. That means cooking food that I will enjoy eating, and growing at least some of the food that I will consume. I want to get back to cooking and canning, and to making bread. I haven't made bread in over a year. Not since I was living with my ex.
I started going to a gym in September, as I mentioned, and I'm pretty pleased about that. I've been focusing a lot on weights while I'm there, though, so I need to add some cardio to the mix. The gym offers some fun-looking classes, and I plan to attend at least one class per week (not on the same day, because my work schedule won't allow for that).
I also stopped reading, for some reason. Last year I broke that habit, but I read almost entirely non-fiction books about parenting and adoption, and very little else. This year I want to focus my reading more on Quakerism, but I also want to go back to my beloved fiction, and let my brain revel in imaginary worlds again. Imaginary worlds that can't be found on a screen (unless it's my Kindle).
So, it all basically boils down to only a handful of resolutions:
1- Pare down my possessions, enough that I can move comfortably to a much smaller space.
2- Pay off my current debt.
3- Cook more from scratch. Start canning/preserving again.
4- Start gardening (either the community garden, or container gardening).
5- Do one more hour of cardio a week than I'm currently doing.
6- Read more, especially fiction.
The execution will be more complex than that, and these goals are too vague as of right now. I will be refining them in the coming days, so that they become more concrete and attainable.
I may keep myself accountable by posting about progress here, as well as progress reports about everything else. I don't know if anyone other than me finds it interesting, but it will at least help me keep track of what I'm doing. The browser I'm using right now isn't giving me all the LJ options I'm used to (stupid work computer), but after this I'll be using LJ-cuts, so that the uninterested can simply scroll right past. :)
I think this will be a good year. I have a good feeling about it.
The thing is, I rarely do New Year's Resolutions in the accepted sense, but around this time of year I do try to take stock of what I'm doing with my life, and make changes accordingly if I find I'm not living in accordance with my values. These values have changed somewhat over the years, or rather, they've become more refined as I learn to know myself better. There's something to be said for self-awareness, even if I still have a lot of work to do in that department as well. I picked this time of year not because it's a new calendar year, but because my birthday falls on the 5th. So it's mostly (but not entirely) coincidence.
I'm 37 years old, and still not living as authentically to myself as I would like. Some of it is out of necessity (short-term, at least), and a lot of it is out of inertia. There's a lot about my life that is easy, if unsatisfying, and there's a lot to be said for easy. I have a finite amount of mental energy, and as a result I tend to gravitate towards easy, even on good days.
I made a lot of changes last year that were meant to be long-lasting, and allow me to realign the way I was living. I started volunteering (something I'd been meaning to do for well over a decade but somehow never got around to doing), started attending Quaker Meeting again after many years away, and started the adoption process with the Children's Aid Society. So far, I'm doing well on all those fronts. Two of the things I value most in life are family and service. In a way, I would have made a good Tully, if you're a George R. R. Martin fan: Family, duty, honour. So I'm keeping on with the volunteering, the adoption process will take the time it takes (if I'm approved, which is still pending), and I've continued attending Meeting every Sunday that I can.
This year, I'm taking things a step further with my local Quaker Meeting, and will be making a formal request for Membership. That's Resolution #1, I suppose. I have to write a letter of intent to the Clerks, which will be read aloud at a Meeting for Worship With Attention to Business (I know, it's a mouthful!), so naturally I'm freaking out about it more than a little. What do I say? How long do I make it? Ack! Etc.
So that leaves me to turn my attention to the areas of my life that still need a lot of work, and where I start resisting psychologically a lot more. The fact that it's going to be hard work tells me that it's all the more important for me to do it, in this case.
I haven't been living as simply as I want. I've allowed myself to slip into some bad habits, spending-wise and living-wise. I have way too much stuff, and I've been hanging on to a lot of said stuff "just in case" I ever need it. Having too many possessions is not a good thing for me: I'm not a very good housekeeper at the best of times, and having more space and more stuff to fill it just seems to create more disorder that I don't bother to tidy up regularly enough. I also have far more clothes than I need, much of which no longer fits due to some (no longer all that) recent weight gain. So the plan this year is to do a cull of all my possessions, starting with my clothes and moving on to the rest. The clothing will be easier to get rid of than the rest. Somehow the idea of getting rid of possessions makes me anxious that I might "need" them the minute they're gone.
Ideally, I'd like to downsize to a smaller place than the one I have now, so as to save money on rent. The financial hole I dug for myself during 2013-2014 is not going to fill itself, after all. I have a draft of a plan to keep paying down my debt (I've already gotten rid of 25% of the debt in the last five months, but I'd like to accelerate the process so as to be debt-free as soon as possible), and having less to pay on rent would go a long way to helping me with that. Mostly my reticence with regards to moving is about the adoption process. The CAS doesn't like it when you move, because they want proof that your life is stable, and moving is the opposite of stability. So it feels like I'm going to have to make a choice I don't like either way. I have to be in financially better shape (according to me, not to CAS) if I want to have children, and while it's not strictly necessary for me to downsize so I'll pay less rent, it makes a lot of sense to do so.
If the adoption plans don't work out, then I will definitely be looking not only at downsizing, but at permanently living in a much smaller space. I'd like to reduce my carbon footprint overall, and part of that process will be finding a way to reduce not only my living space, but the amount of energy I consume, and the amount of household waste I produce. I consume way too much as it is. (Part of me is tempted by the tiny house movement, but unfortunately it doesn't yet exist in Ontario, where I believe it's actually illegal to have a living space that small. I still need some room for the pets, of course, so I don't know if I could manage an actual tiny house.)
I haven't been cooking from scratch much, if at all, either, spending money on processed junk which I can't really afford (neither my wallet, nor my health). I haven't been gardening, either, because the place I moved into doesn't really have the space for it, ironically enough. There's a lot of space, but half the garden is covered with a huge patio, and the other half is paved. There's only a small patch of grass where I let the dog out when I have to go to work at crazy o'clock in the morning. I put my name down for a waiting list for a plot in the local community garden, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to grow some veggies in there this summer. If not, the plan is to do some container gardening on my patio.
This year I want to put more emphasis on taking care of my body as well as my spiritual and psychological needs. That means cooking food that I will enjoy eating, and growing at least some of the food that I will consume. I want to get back to cooking and canning, and to making bread. I haven't made bread in over a year. Not since I was living with my ex.
I started going to a gym in September, as I mentioned, and I'm pretty pleased about that. I've been focusing a lot on weights while I'm there, though, so I need to add some cardio to the mix. The gym offers some fun-looking classes, and I plan to attend at least one class per week (not on the same day, because my work schedule won't allow for that).
I also stopped reading, for some reason. Last year I broke that habit, but I read almost entirely non-fiction books about parenting and adoption, and very little else. This year I want to focus my reading more on Quakerism, but I also want to go back to my beloved fiction, and let my brain revel in imaginary worlds again. Imaginary worlds that can't be found on a screen (unless it's my Kindle).
So, it all basically boils down to only a handful of resolutions:
1- Pare down my possessions, enough that I can move comfortably to a much smaller space.
2- Pay off my current debt.
3- Cook more from scratch. Start canning/preserving again.
4- Start gardening (either the community garden, or container gardening).
5- Do one more hour of cardio a week than I'm currently doing.
6- Read more, especially fiction.
The execution will be more complex than that, and these goals are too vague as of right now. I will be refining them in the coming days, so that they become more concrete and attainable.
I may keep myself accountable by posting about progress here, as well as progress reports about everything else. I don't know if anyone other than me finds it interesting, but it will at least help me keep track of what I'm doing. The browser I'm using right now isn't giving me all the LJ options I'm used to (stupid work computer), but after this I'll be using LJ-cuts, so that the uninterested can simply scroll right past. :)
I think this will be a good year. I have a good feeling about it.
