Don't Slit Your Wrists For Me

Don't Slit Your Wrists For Me

HE:
I met her in the garden, she was laughing like a drain
We stood too close together, taking shelter from the rain
Shelter from her mother, and the blue-rinse fire brigade
We stood there in the garden, and she called a spade a spade

SHE:
You're all hot air and hormones as far as I can see
You think more of your lurchers than you ever do of me

CHORUS
And I wouldn't say I couldn't be your lover
Not if there was nothing else to be
But if love is what you're dying to discover, darling
Don't slit your wrists for me

HE:
She had rings on her fingers and a bone stuck through her nose
She was wearing studs in places where the gardner never goes

SHE:
People going to judge us by the company we choose
I can't be seen with somebody who's got the wrong tattoos

HE:
Well, I've been hearing voices since I was in my teens
Please don't shoot the messenger; they're coming from my genes

CHORUS
And I wouldn't say I couldn't be your lover
Not if there was nothing else to be
But if love is what you're dying to discover, darling
Don't slit your wrists for me

HE:
I met her in the garden, there was no one there to see
We were taking shelter underneath the apple tree
Shelter from her father, who was purple and insane
We stood too close together, and she punched me in the rain


BOTH:
Sex is like a chain-gang, there are no volunteers
We get handcuffed to a maniac for sixty years

CHORUS
And I wouldn't say I couldn't be your lover
Not if there was nothing else to be
But if love is what you're dying to discover, darling
Don't slit your wrists for me


--Oysterband

A quick note to my parents

I do love you in spite of your imperfections.

However, ruining a perfectly lovely day by being passive-aggressive and mean when I come for dinner, and then telling me I should euthanize my cat is not a nice thing to do. Nor is it appropriate to bring up the very very painful memory of how you euthanized my dog on my thirteenth birthday and telling me that this is exactly the same kind of thing and that it would be "kinder" to the cat to "put it out of its misery."

My cat has a growth in her ear, which is curable with fucking expensive surgery. Unlike my dog, who suffered a massive stroke and was paralyzed and unable to walk or control her bladder or her bowels and would have remained so for the rest of her very few remaining days.

It is not cricket of you to bloody well beat me over the head with the other side of the guilt stick the vet was using, okay? He uses the "you are a cruel, evil cat owner who makes her cat suffer needlessly for mercenary reasons" side of the stick. You, on the other hand, use the "you are a useless twit who can't get her priorities straight and are wasting your money on the frivolous luxury that is your beloved pet when really you should do yourself and the cat a favour and have it put down. It's cheaper that way."

Gah.

Can I take a shotgun to all of them?

...

I will attempt a more cheerful update later. Up until about 8pm, I had an absolutely rocking day. It rocked like a rocking thing, and I am in a good position to know this, for I am, the Rocking Thing™, and it takes one to know one.



I wish money weren't an issue. I could indulge in so much more alcohol if it weren't...

:::ETA:::

For all the passive-aggressive crap, my parents have offered to help pay with the surgery after I refused to have the cat euthanized, so I shouldn't complain. Really, I shouldn't. I feel all ungrateful now.