Aww, hell!

Our old Deadlands website is gone.

Well, shit.

I was hoping to recopy all of the old write-ups from there so I could have a record of them, but it's gone now. Swallowed up by cyberspace. Almost 1,000 pages worth of gaming. Poof.

I'm way more disappointed by this than I should be. I visited that site maybe a few times a year, if that.

I wish I'd had the forethought to recopy things while I still had time.

It's all lost now, with my first laptop (for those of you keeping track, that's the one that got stolen, not the one that George knocked off the table).

Beyond the Pale has another 470-odd words attached to it, which means Part 2 is about one-third done. Will try to get up early tomorrow to continue it, then post it up tomorrow night. Any earlier than that is being foolishly optimistic.

Still I had less trouble writing the first 400 words today than I thought I would. What's actually causing problems is this tiny transition I have to do. I am not good with transitions. I prefer ellipses. ;)

However, man cannot write by ellipses alone. So, a transition must be attempted.

I'm now going to go mourn the loss of the Deadlands website. :(

Okay, I lied

Not in bed yet. Have things I want to say. Or at least write down. I should go to bed, especially if I want to be up in only a few more hours to write more.

I keep forgetting (every year o_O) that October and November are usually my worst months. Not because of outside factors, you understand. Somehow my brain just seems to break more easily during that time. Maybe it's partially related to there being increasingly less sunlight, or something. Dunno.

I had a good day, and rowen26's goodbye party was ever so much fun, therefore, one might argue, I shouldn't be upset by something as small as a website no longer being there. Except I am. Not as irrationally upset as I would have been a few months ago, mind you, but I am pretty bitterly disappointed. I was hoping to have all those write-ups (my writing, dammit!) as a reference for my game and my other writing, and now I can't have it. The rational side of me is saying: "Well, these things happen. It wasn't your web domain, and since you didn't back up your stuff, well, you just have to overcome adversity and rely on your memory." The irrational side of me is screaming: "But it was mine! Two years' worth of work that I'll never see again! I want it back!"

Anyway, that aside, I'm a little worried. I'm worried that I might be going crazy again and not noticing, because it's slow and insidious and it feels great when it starts. I'm happy to be writing again, and I really want to get involved in all these projects. I felt as though I wasn't accomplishing anything before, and now I'm going to be writing a serial and participating in NaNoWriMo again, and maybe this year I'll finish it. I've taken up dancing and I'm gaming, and I'll be running a game next year (if all goes according to plan, anyway), and all I want to do is pack my weeks full of things that I've always wanted to do.

Except that that's generally where I get into trouble. Okay, admittedly the fact that I'm worrying about this is probably a good sign that it's not happening, at least not yet. I've got a good balance of meds, so I probably won't dissolve into a delusional insomniac puddle by the time Christmas rolls around. This is a Good Thing™. Paranoid delusions, unlike what you see on television, are not fun at all.


Mainly, I feel as though I'm constantly teetering on a narrow path between two equally steep precipices: on one side lies stagnation, degeneration, and, ultimately, the death of the creative spirit. On the other side lies pure madness, degeneration, and, ultimately, the loss of the self. Neither option is appealing. I strive to tread the middle ground, to be happy with who I am while nonetheless seeking to be more than what I am.

If I had my way, I'd want to be one of those people who stays up for days at a stretch to complete some sort of artistic work. Realistically, I know that if I don't sleep, my brain will rebel, and I'll spiral off into a vicious self-destructive spiral. On the other hand, when I don't create at all, my brain rebels in different ways, and the self-destruct sequence begins anew.

It's a fine balance, I guess.

More later. Right now, bed.

I need a Deadlands icon...

Beyond the Pale is progressing, but not as fast as I'd like. I'm almost at 1,500 words, but not where I want the story to be. Am under (fairly) strict instructions not to delete. This may end up being long.

Gah. Set-ups are hard!


Trying to figure out which of two or three possible scenarios to set up, too. I keep waffling. Waffling is bad, especially at the last minute. ;)

Too many characters, not enough time!

Must break it down into manageable chunks. Instant!Gratification!Girl has to learn to take a back seat here. ;)

Okay, plunging back in now...

Will be making icons after text is written, if I have time.

It's up...

Part 2 of Beyond the Pale is up.

Eep!

:::wibble:::